Lows, Highs, and Alibis RELOADED

Almost Fucked Up

2011-09-07T04:18:00.001+08:00

I met Martin while I was killing some time at SM North Edsa mall. He was actually not my type. He was dark-skinned, 5'8" and had a lot of facial hair. Yet I somehow found him sexy. Maybe it was his big chest, semi-toned arms and his pa-cool demeanor that caught my eye.

Like all hook-ups, ours started with eye contact. He followed me around the mall until we reached a 'safe' corner. He approached me and talked to me like I was really expecting him. He asked if I wanted to hang out. I politely declined. On one hand, I was holding a ticket to see 'Avatar' in 3D. I wasn't about to let a hook-up get in the way. He turned around, as if thinking of another great pick up line. Then he faced me again. His smile was infectious, sexy and very enticing. I know I'd fuck him in a heartbeat but the 3D ticket costs more than a quick fuck.

I ended up giving him my number. He promised to text me. I didn't expect him to.

Two months later, I was texting him from my bedroom. We've been sharing some silly quotes and some jokes. After sometime, this routine got boring so I decided we should meet again and finally fuck his brains out.

We first had dinner then watched a movie. We walked around the mall just talking about how we like it: top or bottom, slow or fast, how many rounds, etc. The sexual stimulation finally reached its peak that we decided it was time to visit the nearest Sogo hotel.

Then he dropped a bomb on me.

While approaching the hotel, he told me that he wishes the sex wasn't that unforgettable because he has to be away for two months. When I asked why, he explained that he is working as a seaman for a large shipping company.

It wasn't his job that bothered me. It was his possible lifestyle. Prior to meeting Martin, I read an article about the rise of HIV cases especially for seamen. I was worried and he noticed it. I explained my concern and jist laughed at me like it was a crazy idea. I apologized because I couldn't do it with him because I was scared and he wasn't assuring me that he was 100% clean.

He got pissed but also quite challenged. I could tell this guy was really interested in me. He told me that when he gets back after 3 months, he will take an HIV test with me and shove it up my ass - while he fucks me.

He was on a ship for three months but the texting and emailing never ceased. I got to know him more through his stories about his job and his family. He is working as an engineer at the engine room. He is the only son and he has four sisters. I also learned that he really likes me.

Excited about the idea of a relationship, I decided to wait until he comes back so we can finally talk in person about our situation. Soon after his contract expired, he came back to the Philippines and immediately arranged for us to meet. Great! We've been talking about having sex when he gets back. Finally, we'll get to do this.

But like a true gentleman, he remembered his promise to take an HIV test to assure me he is safe. So the day after he arrived, we went to a private clinic . They gave him some counselling before taking his blood. We sat at the waiting area for thirty minutes until the results were released.

Minutes before he was called by the doctor, he had a sexy smirk on his face. He pointed his finger at me then made a gesture as if he was fucking someone. He told me, 'This is you.' I asked him to stop.

Then a doctor called his name. He blew me a kiss before going inside. It was the longest 15 minutes of our lives. When he came out, he was shivering. His sweet smile has been wiped off his face by a piece of paper that indicates he is HIV positive.

That was the first time I didn't see a smile on Martin's face. He hugged me tight for a couple of minutes before excusing himself as he said he needed to go to the bathroom. I told him I will wait at the lobby.

That was the last time I saw Martin.

Waiting

2011-04-04T16:58:00.002+08:00

I've had only a few encounters with waiters. I don't exactly know if it's the pleasure of being served or just the slightest show of flirtation that excites me.

Some years ago, I had a huge crush on this waiter at Pizza Hut. He was very tall, very masculine, and his smile was to die for. He probably figured out that I liked him by the time I visited the restaurant for the 5th consecutive time and talked to no other waiter but him. But he was obviously straight. And I was still in the closet.

My first bold move happened in Malate. I was with a friend who knew almost everyone in all the gay establishments in the area - from waiters, to go-go boys, to owners and bouncers. Like a newly outed gay man, he introduced me to the cute waiters of O bar one by one. It was almost like an audition. He asked them to smile, kiss me on the cheek, shake my hand and go. I wasn't interested in anyone.. until I met Chris.

Chris was undeniably straight, and a new waiter I figured. He was very awkward and extremely nice, unaware of the watchful eyes of the gays waiting for him to hand them the drinks they ordered. I was one of them.

I gave him a tip. I tucked it in his pocket while 'accidentally' touching his crotch. The size intrigued me for a moment. He smiled. And walked away after giving me his number on a sheet of paper.

I texted him a couple of times and asked if we could hang out. He politely declined the offer saying he only works there...but doesn't entertain sidelines.

***

Perhaps the boldest attempt at getting a waiter was done by a former colleague. We were at a restaurant up north when he asked the waiter where we could find guys for hire. The man, who look liked he gets this question everyday, mentioned a couple of places before saying, 'or you can get me sir. Just let me know when.'

tbc.

Definitely back

2011-03-19T04:54:00.001+08:00

Thanks to Blogger's new features, I was able to salvage what was left
of my old blog. I'm imported the posts onto this new blog. In case you
are one of those people who use to follow me, you can now revisit your
favorite posts.I have also reinstated my relationship with Twitter,
which is important when promoting this blog. I surely hope I can still
write more.

Time has not been my friend lately but what would be the
point of reviving this blog?There are a lot of things I would like to
share. Things I could never share with anyone because... well, either
I'm too embarrassed to share them or it's true what a friend told me:
I left my other foot in the closet.

More to come soon. Like really
soon.

Back in action

2011-02-28T18:09:00.001+08:00

I'm sad that I've lost my readers. My old url has been blocked so they probably do not know bout the new one. I haven't posted anything on here but I'll start posting old entries first.

ciao!

Closet Freak

2010-11-28T17:11:00.001+08:00

Testing this microblogging app on my phone. Hope it works!

Dose (12): Good Execution, Bad Message

2009-07-20T09:27:00.000+08:00

I was very intrigued after watching the trailer of Dose on Youtube last year. It shows a young boy entering the room of his gardener and the scene is supposed to suggest that he was about to administer fellatio on the sexy man portrayed by indie star Yul Servo. The reviews online were great. I thought it was great too. The execution was definitely 'artistic'. They showed not too much skin and the sexual messages were not out there for us to see. There's definitely a lot of room for imagination, especially for someone who has been abused by someone in his younger days.

Pedophilia is a serious issue. I don't approve of men taking advantage of the innocence of young boys just to satisfy their sexual urges. I have a friend who does this and he is no longer a friend of mine. I think it is disgusting and inaappropriate and complete wrong in every angle you look at it.

This is why I was beyond shock when writer and director Senedy Que explained that this story is about love that knows no gender. He forgot to mention that gender does have an age and that love or sex is not a game kids can play at a very young age. I hate the fact that the movie ended that way. It looked like it's promoting pedophilia - that it's okay if your family driver, uncle, gardener, or cousin takes advantage of you because 'you were in love'. That's just plain bad. Plain bad. There's something seriously wrong here.

I am Dating a Porn Addict

2009-03-22T22:35:00.000+08:00

It was around 2AM when my phone rang, No, it wasn't a bootie call. It was from my friend Edward. He sounded so upset and begged that he drop by to discuss something really important. I politely said that it was too freaking late to accept visitors. He asked if I was staying in a hospital. All I could say was, 'I get your point.'

It took him only five minutes to come to my apartment. Apparently, he was just staying in the convenience store downstairs for two hours now. He asked me to check my phone and I saw that he's been trying to reach me since 8 in the evening.

'So what so important that it's worth 20 missed calls and 15 text messages?'
'It's Ron.'

Ron is Edward's boyfriend. It was I who first met him in a bar in Malate. I barely saw a spark when we dated twice. On our third date, I decided to introduce him to some of my closest friends - the list included Edward. The two hit it off so quickly - so quickly they did oral sex in the bathroom while I was busy getting free drinks from a hot 30-something guy at the bar. When I realized things are not going to happen between me and Ron, I decided to drop him. Two days later, I learned he was fucking Ed twice a day.

'Is this my karma?'
'Oh Jesus, can we please get off the subject of karma.'
'If it is, I already paid my sins.'
'What's the problem Ed? I know it's not karma so please go straight to the point or I'm kicking you out. I have a meeting tomorrow and I need to get up early.'

He paused. He looked at my TV and stared at me.

'He's addicted to porn!'
'He's what?'
'He buys them from this guy who runs this website.'
'What's the URL? I remember I have to buy new...'
'Fuck you!'
'I'm kidding. So what? Ron's a pretty horny guy. I love porn too. What's wrong with that.'

He had a worried look on his face. Worried that he might be talking to the wrong person.

'I understand porn is something that existed for ages now and people are entitled to it.'
'True...'
'But is it okay if he prefers to watch porn that have sex with you?'
'Huh? Okay that's insane.'

And I thought he was exaggerating. He told me that it started two months ago when he caught Ron masturbating in front of his laptop. He went inside the room inconspicuously and grabbed his cock with his wet mouth. 'Minty' he said as he just brushed his teeth.

However, instead of creating a hot scene that night, Ron's meat suddenly lost its muscle - he got up and looked pissed. Ed wondered why he became soft. Was it the mouthwash or the toothpaste?

Or was it me?

Later that night, he woke up because he felt the bed moving. Again, he caught Ron masturbating with his eyes closed. He licked his nipples and said 'Yeah baby, yeah' and grabbed his cock. To his surprise, he came less than a minute after he held his penis. That's when he became suspicious.

Days passed by and Ron started making excuses so he could skip their usual schedule for sex. He would tell him that he still has some work to do but then he'll find him in front of the laptop, watching videos of Sean Cody and Randy Blue. He tried to confront him but he seemed embarrassed. Ed didn't know what to do. He got so irrational one time that one time, he pulled out his box of porn CDs and threw them away. When he found out, he was infuriated and fucked him against the wall until he felt like his hole was bleeding. It didn't bleed - but the sex wasn't good either.

'What do I do?'
'I have no idea.' And I was telling the truth. I felt that this problem was psychological and he had to try to consult a professional.

'Oh but I heard that it's normal. People are sometimes not stimulated well by their partners. Not your fault though. Some people just require you to go to the heavens to find their GSpot.'

'So - I - What do I have to do then?'
'My friend who's a doctor once said you have to target the source of the problem.'
'Meaning I have to throw his laptop?'
'Not exactly. You need to give in and once he's into it - give him the finger.'
'EXCUSE ME?'
'They say it works.'
'You mean I'll stick my finger in his fucking ass...'
'..and tickle his GSpot.'

He was completely grossed out with the idea. I was surprised he was. For someone who's had guys to do that to him I thought he would be a little more open minded.

'But he's top!'
'Hey, I am too but I tried it.'
'And?'
'It was GREAT. Not something I would ask my sex partner to do everytime we fuck but hey, once in a while you need to shake things up, right?'

The next morning, Ed bought a small KY jelly tube and a condom. He's never been a top before but he figured his fingers might do a better job than his penis. And while he found his partner massaging his cock under the sheets - he put a condom on his finger, lubricated it well and wished himself good luck.

'Well, here goes nothing!' He said to himself.

3:59 AM

2009-03-15T05:52:00.000+08:00

I became immobile for a moment. Mortified is an understatement to describe how I felt that moment. There I was thinking we were having a hot private moment. Who knows how long the roommate has been watching me fuck 'power bottom'?

'Did we wake you?' PB asked.
'No.. no. Actually I got thirsty.'
'Oh.'

We were still on the couch. Me inside him. I wasn't moving at all.

And to make the situation even more awkward, the roommate moved closer as if inspecting what just happened on their couch. He kept trying to get a good view of my cock still inserted in his friend's hole. He was smiling, enjoying the sight of me - the mortified visitor, barenaked with his friend still sitting on my lap.

'I think I better wash up.' He finally said.
'You do that.'

He stood up, revealing my [still] hard cock wrapped in ultra thin condom filled with cum. The rubber was clean. He really was a good bottom. Knows his stuff.

I motioned for power bottom to give me a tissue but he ran upstairs. His friend grabbed the roll of tissue but didn't give it to me.

'Let me help you with that.'
'Huh?'
'Man, you're still hard.' He looked at my cock as if he wanted to have it too. I didn't smile. I just sat there thinking what could possibly happen next.

He pulled s few sheets of tissue and slowly - very slowly - pulled the condom from my cock. There was a weird sensation while he was doing it. I looked at him and he was biting his lip while doing this, he was making a moan-like sound. My cock responded.

'Ooh. Someone still wants to play.'

I smiled.

'Bathroom?'
'Thanks.'

He showed me the way to the 2nd bathroom. He left for 1 minute and came back with a clean towel. Power bottom was nowhere to be found. Probably still washing up.

Roommate knocked on the door - but instead of giving me the towel, he went inside and locked the door behind him. He smiled and started splashing water on me. I obliged. What's the harm of having someone give me a nice quick bath?

It took 5 minutes . He kept massaging my hard cock - used two soaps and a feminine wash. Yes, a feminine wash.

'They say this keeps you clean.' He laughed. I smiled.
'That should keep me clean all day now, thank you.'

He wiped me clean. He smiled and I politely asked for the towel. He gave it to me. I wiped my face dry while he sat on the toilet bowl and started sucking my cock. I didn't have time to react. He was absofuckinglutely a better sucker than his friend. I lost my balance for a second and almost fell on the bathroom floor but he pushed me against the bathroom door.

He was in a hurry, as if scared of getting caught by his friend. I moaned, and moaned and pulled his hair - I didn't know whether to stop him or not. I just came twice and my legs are weak from the energy I released a few moments ago.

But he knew better. He didn't stop. As I try to keep pulling his hair, he did my favorite - deep throat - even better he put my cock and my huge pair of balls in his mouth. He gagged for a minute but managed to keep everything in - all these while playing his wet tongue on my balls. I can't describe how much pleasure that brought me.

I came after a couple of minutes but much less than the first and second round. He wiped his mouth clean. ' Ahhh. Wow.'

I was still catching my breath. I left the bathroom while he gargled with some mouthwash. I sat on the same couch and waited. Power bottom suddenly reappeared, this time in his boxers ready to hit the sack. His roommate came out of the bathroom.

'I bought juice it's in the red pitcher.'
'Yeah, I found it. ' He grinned.

It was time to leave.

'Hey thanks dude. Here's my number. ' He typed it on my phone. 'Next time.' He winked. I winked back.

I said goodbye to his friend. He said, 'Yeah, feel free to come back.' I almost laughed.

3AM

2009-02-15T20:34:00.000+08:00

It was a typical Saturday night for me: workout at the gym, light dinner with friends, short fuck before I hit the sack and 5-7 times of flirting with your eyes. I realized sex after a full body workout is quite tiring but I couldn't sleep at all. I went through my DVDs - mostly movies and shows I've seen more than once. I watched 'Eating Out 2' one more time and jacked off during one of the hot scenes.

I looked at my watch. It's 230 AM.

After all the things I've done, I decided to leave my place and grab something to eat. I immediately thought of McDonalds: hot chocolate and Sausage McMuffin with Egg. Yum.

I splashed water on my face. Combed my hair a bit and put on my shorts. I held up my shirt and looked at myself in the mirror. Damn. Still a lot of work to be done.

I arrived to McDonalds around 245 AM. They're not serving breakfast yet. I went outside, waiting for them to bring out those muffins while I smoke one stick of Marlboro lights.

And that's when it started.

I was not paying attention to my surroundings. I was focused on the lady at the counter and the food she was serving to the girl in red shorts. A man came up to me and asked, 'Can I have a light?'

'Sure.' I handed him my lighter. He looked at me funny. No, he was checking me out.

'Thanks.'
'Hmm.'
'Are they serving breakfast yet.'
'No, I'm waiting for it.'
'Good.'

He stood beside me. I was still looking at the counter but I can feel him staring at my crotch. Suddenly, I get a hardon. He noticed.

'Whoa, it's pretty cold here outside.'
I smiled and tried to cover my crotch. 'Yeah.'
'Good time.'

I didn't know how to respond. The next thing I knew, he moved to the other side of McDonalds, looking back signaling for me to follow him. I got the message that it's going to be another hot encounter. I followed him.

We went into a narrow street where the houses are smaller and the street lights were all down. It was dark but I got to see his face when a car passed by. He was kind of my type. Not too short, nice arms (but not too muscular). I can see his nipples stiffen and I imagined licking them as he says 'Oh yeah'.

'What's your name?'
'Top.'
'Oh, great. My name is power bottom.'
'Cool.'
'Where are we heading?'
'Some place hot.'

We went to his apartment. It was dark but I saw him take off his shirt. In an instant, he kissed me. I kissed him back. It was nice. Good start. I tried to unbutton his pants but he pushed my hand away.

'Let me do my job.'
'Sure.'

I sat on the couch and he took off my shirt. Then my underwear. Then he sucked my cock which by that time was on full erection, ready to be licked and devoured.

I tried to caress him but he stopped me again. He pinned me down and shook his head. Oh yes, I don't get to do anything. He's the power bottom. I'm there to just enjoy. He sat on my legs and kissed me some more.

'You're hot.'
'You're hot too.' I said while struggling to free my arms.

I decided to stick out my tongue, telling him to move his chest nearer so I can taste his nipples. He obliged. It was as delicious as I imagined when I first saw them. He moaned and moaned and told me I was good. I stopped to remind him that I wasn't gonna do anything more than that.

He seemed to have gotten the message. He sucked me again - deepthroat this time. I pushed his head so he can go further and he did. His other hand was wandering, trying to get hold of something. It was the condom in the pocket of his shorts. It was sexy the way he put on the condom with his mouth. Nice and easy. Then he went fast. Then nice and easy.

'Don't move.'
'Yes sir.'

He sat on my cock and kept pushing my shoulders. He was obviously enjoying it.

'Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!'
'Ahhhh.'
'Ahhhh... fuck. You're..ahhh... Fuck! Shit!'

He controlled the depth that my cock could reach. No one has ever done this to me. I've never been so submissive as a top. He went fast that my cock was hurting but he looked like he was about to cum so I didn't mind. He stopped, turned around and I started to lick his back while he was still grinding and moaning and masturbating and saying all nasty things.

'Keep doing that!' He commanded. I piched his nipples as he moaned even more. And in an instant, I decided to take control of the show.

I put my hands under his thighs and stood up while I was inside him. He screamed as I reached deeper into his G spot. I put him down and pushed him against the wall and fucked him like crazy.

It didn't last too long. It was way too hot for both of us not to explode anytime soon. He yelled, 'I'm cumming, I'm cumming!' I came before he did.

We stopped for a minute. I was still inside him. I was still pushing him against the wall. I tried to get my cock out of his ass but he grabbed my butt and pushed it against his.

'Not yet. Stay in me.'

I agreed. I carried him again while he moaned quietly.I sat on the couch and he felt my cock touch his G Spot.

'Fuck. Ahhhh. Shit. That was hot.'
'Yeah.'
'You're still hard.'
'Yeah.'

Truth is, I was tired. But I don't remember ever getting soft after a hot encounter like this.

'I can still feel you.'
'Is that a good thing?'
'Yeah.'

Suddenly, the lights were on. I see a guy with almost the exact same built staring at us. The guy I fucked didn't seem shocked at all.

'This is... my roommate.'

I struggled to smile. My hands were on his waist and I didn't know if I had to hide behind him. We were both naked and wasted and filled the room with the smell of sex.

'Nice.' The roommate said.

Now what?

The Ex-Ex-Men - Fourth encounter

2008-11-20T22:23:00.000+08:00

I had a choice - I could have gone ahead and made it look like his small bachelor party before he gets married to that girl Janna. Instead, I treated is as a small victory and a chance for him to make sense out of everything that happened in the past two weeks.

'What was that about?' He asked while still fixing his shirt.

'So, you ready to tell me what's going on here.'
'Nothing - that's what's happening here.'
'No, not here. I meant this whole circus.'
'Nobody's going to a circus. I'm getting married.'
'Well, it seems like it is.'
'You don't understand.'

I went back to the kitchen to make some coffee when he stood up and tried to escape.

'You are NOT going anywhere.'
'I'm not. I-I was.' He sat down and kept staring at his hands like he just killed someone.

'It's okay,' I gave him some coffee. 'It's me.'
'That's the big deal.'
'What? We're like friends Yoko.'
'You wouldn't understand.'
'That's because you wouldn't let me.'

And then he started talking. He told me after we broke up, he was upset and he started fooling around. He met this guy, a model whom he fell in love with. They dated, fell in love and broke up. He was down and all and he felt that he couldn't talk to anyone. This is until he met Janna who worked in the same building where he works.

'She was so nice. She helped me move on.'
'So she does know about all this.'
'Yes, and she was so cool with it. I always thank God for making her understand --'
'That you like cock?'
'Haha, no silly. For making her understand my past. What I used to be. And the funny thing is she changed me.'

I frowned.

'What?'
'Well I'm not too sure that she changed you 100%.'

He looked down in shame.

'I'm kidding.' I held his hands. They were cold.
'Hmm..'
'Have you--'
'Have I what?'
'Have you had any slips? Like this one?'
'No. No. Hell no. I love her. I wouldn't...'
'You just did.'

There was silence. He was melting in shame after what we did -- ALMOST did.

'I thought I could help it but I couldn't.'
'Hmm..'
'But you have to know that this only happened with you.'

I blushed.

'So many guys tried it.'
'I can't blame them.'
'And even some of Janna's gay friends did. Like they had a bet or something.'
'Well, if it's any consolation, I think you're doing an excellent job masking your un-happiness.'
'Who says I'm unhappy?'
'Okay, then let's call it something else. Your game, perhaps?'
'I told you. It's not like that.'

I wasn't convinced.

'How do you see yourself 5 years from now?'
'Well, we're planning on having kids and..'
'..And going to some bath house sucking cock while she's cooking dinner?'
'Stop.'
'Or calling me in the middle of the night saying, I'm having a relapse please fuck me?'
'STOP it Kai.'
'Seriously! You're hurting her and most importantly, you're hurting yourself.'

I saw teardrops but I wasn't sure. He quickly wiped them off like he'd wipe off some dirt on his face. He was obviously on the verge of breaking down but he didn't.

'I have to go.'
'Yeah, you have to watch Sean Cody porn right?'
'Fuck you.'
'Sure, I can be bottom for you.'
'FUCK YOU!'

He slammed the door. It made a deafening sound that blocked my thoughts for a second. The suddenly, I just imagined what could have happened if I continued.. if I kissed him.. if I gave him a blowjob and vice versa. Would I expect a shit load of cum since he's claiming he hadn't been with a guy for so long? That would have been a sight to behold.

But soon after, I thought of his pain. Or is it pain? Was he really masking his unhappiness like I told him?

The next day, I decided I should go talk to the person who would most probably shed some light into this situation. I called Diana, Yoko's sister.

'Hey Diana,'
'Hey bestman! Long time no see.'
'Uhm, yeah. Listen... I need to know something.'
'Oh I'm sure you do.'
'Right. Uhm... is it okay like are you free now?'
'Actually, I'm at Coffee Bean. Meet me here in 15?'

It only took 10 minutes for me to get there. I was anxious to see what she was going to tell me. She sounded not so surprised to hear from me.

'So, what do you wanna know?'
'I wanna know why?'
'Why? Just because.'
'Just because?'
'Yeah, some people choose to marry not just for convenience -- it's because it's the way they want to go.'
'Like he suddenly turned vegan in a day?'
'You're obviously just looking at the sex part.'
'Is there any other angle?'

The conversation was interrupted for a second by the barista who was calling out my name. I got my drink and let her continue.

'They're just two consenting adults who, at the time they met were both lonely and single but wouldn't want to stay that way forever. And I know it's a cliche to say having a family is the way to go but that's what they thought they should do.'

She sipped her coffee while I became immobile. My jaws dropped and I couldn't get myself to get them back in place.

'You should know something, Kai.'
'Oh, there's more??'
'Yes there is.'

The Ex-Ex-Men - Third encounter

2008-11-16T22:18:00.000+08:00

'People do it for convenience.' George, my cynical friend believed it was Yoko's way of forgetting about his failed relationship with me (and maybe some other men too).

I wanted to believe him but part of me isn't quite sure he's right.

'He sounded sure about his decision to marry the bitch.'
'Is she a bitch?'
'No, actually she was great.'
'Which proves my point that it's all for convenience.'
'I don't think so.'

'Seriously Kai, you've seen them all. Gay guys who marry because they want to have their own children. Or maybe they just are afraid to die alone. Or worse, they're afraid to admit to themselves and to their families that they're gay.'

'Well, that's one sad theory.'
'It is! And believe me it's happening -- all over town.'

----

That night, I thought about the other people I know who fall under George's 'convenience' theory. There's John from Cebu-- who was gayer than gay. He's an interior designer but since his father is a strict military man who makes him do push ups and participate in military circuit trainings, he was forced to be a schizo. A flamboyant whore at night in Malate, and an ultra-discreet designer by day -- with a nice, tight ass you wouldn't even suspect he's gay.

When his father was starting to suspect that he's gay (when he turned 25 and never showed up at family gatherings with a girlfriend), he started to worry. So he got himself a born again christian girlfriend who believed he was the perfect guy anyone could wish for. We cringe everytime the girl describes how 'hot the sex is'. It certainly IS hot, only it happens when he does it at the backroom of the bath house in Pasig.

Many people convinced the girl not to marry John because most of them either knew he was gay or their gaydar was always going crazy when he's around. The perfect girlfriend didn't believe them. Instead, on one low Wednesday, she got on top of her intoxicated gay boyfriend and fucked him in his sleep. When John woke up, he was shocked when he saw he wasn't wearing a condom. He tried to stop the girl but she kept screaming 'Shut up! Shut up! You're not gay! You're not gay!'

By the fifth time she yelled out those words, he came inside her. She found out she was pregnant three weeks after.

They went on with their lives, got married and migrated to Canada. What she didn't know was that Toronto is one popular gay destination. He went on with his tricks while she nursed their baby. By the time the kid turned two, she learned he was already fucking a 23-year-old French-Canadian writer whom he introduced to her as his 'cousin'.

John and the girl eventually broke up after 2 and a half years of pseudo marriage. They talked about time-sharing their little kid and some other stuff. John broke up with the writer and is now fucking a hot bartender from New York.

----

'So what's the point of being an Ex-ex-man if it's all going to turn to shit?'
'I don't know. Maybe he thinks he needs to go back to where he was before?'
'Homostatus starts with the genes, that's his starting point hunny and he shouldn't be fooling himself.'
'Somehow I think John's case was really extreme.'
'Like it happened in the movies.'
'Right, and so it doesn't apply to all.'

Convinced that I should prove my point to George the cynic, I decided I should device a plan that would make Yoko admit that this is all just a show wedding. I invited him to my new apartment and he agreed to have some drinks. I pulled off an all-nighter, studying how to mix the strongest vodka drinks since we both love them.

He was 30 minutes late but he was there anyway.

'This is nice.'
'And big for me.'
'Well, I think you have enough stuff to fill the entire space.'

He took a sip of his drink. I was thinking of putting drugs on it and raping him. So when he wakes up, he realizes it was a good fuck -- and that he's really not going to get tied to a live pussy.

But my conscience voted against it.

'This is a strong drink.'
'Thanks, glad you liked it.'
'Where'd you learn how to mix?'
'On YouTube. Last night.'
'Great.'

It was weird. We were not talking like we had a past relationship. He was uttering words which seemed so foreign to me. He looked very uncomfortable. So I decided to get the ball rollin'.

I put my glass down and I touched his pecs. He was surprised I did that.

'Do you still have that tattoo?'
'Oh, right. Uhm yeah.'
'Can I see it?'
'Here.'

It was still there. Only it got 'modified' into something straighter than a straight guy's tattoo.

'Oh, you changed it.'
'Just did some modifications.'
'Well, it looks nice.

I kept touching it. I was drunk and suddenly, I just started licking his nipples. The tattoo was about an inch above his pinkies.

He stopped me.

'You're drunk.'
'You're hot.'

I tried to kiss him on the lips. I had a couple of successful attempts but he kept pushing me away, even tough as I touch his penis, I could feel him getting harder and harder. His balls were like swelling in the heat of the moment. He was horny. He wanted me.

'I know you want it.'
'No Kai..'
'I've missed you.'

I unbuttoned his pants. I forgot he doesn't wear underwear. I took out his semi-hard cock. Meanwhile, He was still trying to push me away.

'Kai, please don't..'
'I want you Yoko. I miss you.'

I pushed him to the sofa and he was pushing my shoulders away from him. I was trying to reach his cock with my mouth. The push wasn't as strong as it should be. I figured he was still trying to decide if he'll let me do it or not.

I was determined to bring home the bacon -- back to cockville where it belongswww.

'You're so hot. I still crave for you.'
'Kai please...'
'I love it when you say my name.'

I finally grabbed his hands and went for it. The strong drinks made him weaker. I finally sucked his cock and did my signature deep throat. He was moaning in pleasure.

'Ahhh.. Kai no.'
'Mmmm....'
'No Kai. Stop. Ahhhhhh. Don't... Stop..'

I did. I stopped. I went to the kicthen, grabbed a glass of water and sat down. He was still gasping for air. He looked baffled.

'You...stopped.'
'Yep.'

He pulled his pants up.

'This is a mistake.' He was ready to leave when I pushed him to the couch.

'Not so fast Ennis Del Mar.'

He gave me a look. I smiled. I gave him the glass of water. He still looked confused.

'Now we can talk.'

The Ex-Ex-Men - Second encounter

2008-11-06T11:03:00.000+08:00

I called George the next day, still unable to fathom what was revealed to me at the coffee shop.

'He turned into an Ex-ex-man!'
'Ex-ex-what?'
'You know, Ex-ex-men. Gay guys who decide to be straight again.'
'Oh, I get it now. Hence the double negation.'
'I just can't believe you would trade a cock for a pussy just like that.'
'It's 6 in the morning and we're talking cock trades?'
'How did this happen?'
'Ask Seth.'

Seth was the first ex-ex-man I met. At the age of 4, he wore his mother's lipstick. At 7 he told his dad he wants to have a vagina. He left them some months after when his mom supported the idea. When he was in high school, he wore his polo like a hanging blouse. The guidance counselor frowned at this but when they realized how generous his parents were, they pretended like it's a giant elephant that nobody can talk about.

'Did you recruit my ex?'
'Excuse me?'
'Yoko, did he join your club?'
'Oh him.. cu-- how is he?'
'Well, George and I bumped into him yesterday and guess what he told me?'
'He's moved on and forgotten about you?'
'Well, yeah maybe and even more.'

I paused. He looked anxious to know what it was about.

'He told me he's getting married.'
'Wow.'
'To a woman.'
'WOW! He finally saw the light!'
'The light - what does that even mean?'
'I knew he wasn't really gay.'
'And you knew this because..?'
'Because he never looked at you like a man would..'
'Okay stop before you hurt my feelings. What I really would like to know is how on earth could this be possible.'

'Simple. You wake up and realize it's not what you want.'
'It's not that simple Seth.'

I thought about this so carefully, especially when the time when Seth wanted to be called Selena played in my head.

'When I saw the light..'
'Can you please stop calling it that.'
'Fine. When I realized I'm straight, I just fell for someone. Julie was perfect. She made me laugh and I was happy. Believe me, I never really entertained the idea of having sex with a woman but when it happened it was the best sex I had.'

That made me cringe a bit.

'Really, did you yell for the cops?'
'Seriously, I think people change.'
'Sexualities don't.'
'Maybe they do. Mine did.

The next day, I decided to call the ex-ex-men and ask him how he ended up being a vegetarian.

'You busy?'
'Just some wedding stuff but yeah I guess we can talk.'
'Okay, jokes on me. Please tell me you're not doing this?'
'Excuse me, is this Julia Roberts from My Best Friend's Wedding?'
'No, I am not Julia Roberts and I am not your best

friend. I'm your ex and I hope you still remember that.'
'Oh yeah I do.'
'Then why are you doing this?'
'Doing what?'

'This wedding. This act. This lie. Make no mistake I am not jealous at all that you've found a way to distract yourself. And I am not trying to get back with you either. I am just mostly concerned about this whole drama of yours. You'll end up hurting someone and she seems really nice.'

'She is nice.'
'Then why would you lie to her??'
'I'm not lying to anyone.'
'Yes you are. You are gay and you suck cock. You don't wake up one day and decide that you hate beef.'

There was an awkward silence.

'Hey I'm sorry. I-I was just concerned about you.'
'Janna knows.'
'What?'
'About you. About us. Our past.'
'She does? How..'
'Maybe you have to start believing in love a bit. People fall in love and some just cannot control how it's gonna happen. It happened this way to me -- believe it or not. I was in love with you. And I accepted that. Now I fell in love with her and you have to accept that.'

He had a point. Maybe there was no need to define what was happening to him. Our society is defined by so many labels - gay, straight, bisexual. Maybe he didn't subscribe to the same labels.

The Ex-Ex-Men - first encounter

2008-11-01T11:24:00.000+08:00

Fully recovered from the whole 'married life' drama, I decided to meet George for coffee and tell him what happened at Krispy Kreme. He was elated at the fact that he was right again.

'Dahling', He said in that crazy tone of his. 'if you really have to say I'm happily married then that's a big sign someone isn't so happy after all.'

'I realized that. Why state the obvious?'
'Or why state the NOT so obvious?'
'True. You're right. But the quote unquote husband is kinda cute.'
'Cute and homophobic.'
'See that's the weird. How can a homo be anti-homo?'
'It's called F-E-A-R dahling.'
'Stop calling me dahling makes me crazy.'

He sipped his coffee while I asked the barista about the tea I ordered 2 minutes ago. Sadly, they forgot about me. Tea drinkers don't get enough attention at coffee shops evidently.

'It's sad though. Anyway, I want to put it all behind me.'
'You should. I bet his face spelled loser on his way out.'
'Yes, it did.'

The tea finally came and the cute barista apologized for making me wait. I told him it's fine but it actually wasn't. As he left the table, he revealed what was behind him - a bigger table with two people having what seems to be a fun conversation. I could see a woman's back, and then suddenly, I realized my ex was staring at me.

George had to whisper, 'Isn't that..?'
'Yes it is.' I pretended I didn't see him. But I heard him excuse himself as he walked towards our table.

'You must have forgotten about me.'
'Ohh, hey Yoko.' It was his nickname.
'Long time no see.'
'Yeah, 3 years?'
'So what's new?'

George signaled for a cigarette break. He left us right after he sat.

'Nothing new. How about you.'
'Well, I'm getting married.'
'Excuse me?'
'Can you believe it?'
'No.. really. Seriously?'
'Yeah. Janna over there. I wanted you to meet her but I figured I should ask you first..'
'Ask me what?'
'How you want to be introduced.'
'Well, can I say we used to date, fuck and kiss and that you were my ex?'
'Of course not. Janna doesn't know any of that.'
'So what now?'

He called out her name. She joined us and the uncomfortable introductions began.

'This is Janna, the love of my life.'

I almost threw up. I imagined his legs up in the air while yelling, telling me not to stop fucking him.

'Hi Janna.'
'So nice to finally meet you!'
'Oh yeah?'
'Yoko told me everything about you.'
'Yeah, maybe not all.'

He gave me a funny look.

'You so cannot miss the wedding. I don't have the invitation here but we'll send it to your place.'
'Oh, I don't know..'
'You can't miss it when you're the best man!'

There I was - an ex-partner suddenly reduced to a best man.

The Married Life - Last Ep

2008-10-27T10:46:00.000+08:00

The next day, the sun was bright. I told myself it will be a good day. I prepared my tea and turned on my laptop and finally checked my phone for unread messages. There was none. Unfortunately, when I went to "messages", it was still there -- Thad's well wishes for me to complete myself by finding a relationship.

Damn it. I thought I'm already over this thing. Apparently, this message is still bothering me, more like haunting me and I still can't figure out why. Is it just me? Or is the message itself offensive? To find out, I called in the most reliable shrink in the city, my true confidante and the person who snaps me back into perspective in times of silly crisis like this: George.

'Fuck Carrie! Fuck Jerry Maguire! Fuck them all!'

And he is not in a good mood whenever someone pisses me off like this. He's what you would call a real friend.

'Asking someone to complete you is not true love. That's being an opportunist!'
'Uh-huh...'
'Believe me, it's sometimes even sad because you feel more alone -- because you're always dependent on the other person.'

George is in Public Relations and he is in a relationship with a not-so-hot, but super sweet and thoughtful TV producer. He says he's happy in the relationship, but he would never EVER call it a marriage.

'That's the most condescending thing 'coupled' people can ever say to singles.'
'I know!'
'You don't complete yourself in another person.'
'I don't!'
'It's always a decision ANYONE can make, single or otherwise!'
'Amen!'

Later that day, I tried not to think about. I decided to walk down Ayala Avenue and celebrate my choice of being a single-slash-not-looking-now-or-anytime-soon. As I passed by Krispy Kreme, I thought of a getting one of those new Hershey's donuts. Then I thought, Thad works in one of those buildings. Seeing me have my Krispy Kreme moment alone is not a good idea.

But just before I left, I took a final look at the bright 'Fresh Donuts' sign and noticed the man facing the street looked familiar. As I looked more closely, I realized it was the unfriendly married friend Thad.

At that point, I had the choice of walking away. But I thought I should confront him now and end this. After all, he wasn't alone. I think it's about time I meet this husband of his and get my message across.

When I walked in, he immediately saw me. He waved and looked at the man sitting beside him.

'See? I don't need to be married to see my 'married' friends.' I made the hand gesture for quotation marks.

The man looked uncomfortable. His face read, 'Who the fuck is this?'

'This is Kai, my friend from college.'
'Nice to meet you Husband of Thad.'

He was shocked after I blurted the word 'Husband'. He pulled Thad's arm and whispered something to his ear. I read his lips and I couldn't be wrong.

'You told him?'
'Relax, he's my friend.'
'You're fucked up.'
'No wait.'

He stood up, but Thad was still holding his left arm.

'Chill, he won't talk.'
'I told you to shut the fuck up.'
'Keep your voice down.'
'We'll talk later.'

He took one last angry look at me and stormed out of the donut shop.

I told him: 'Well, that was a pleasant way to greet your husband's friend...'

It was at that point when I realized the 'Married Life' he was so proud of was more of a torture than fantasy.

'Sorry about that he's...'
'Not out, I understand. As usual.'
'And he doesn't want to be called that.'
'I didn't you did.'
'I did?'
'Yes, you did. Remember that, good luck message?'
'Silly.'
'Yeah silly you.'
'I have to go. He's just waiting at the corner.'
'Okay, well, go get your husband before he divorces you tonight. Hahaha.'

The only response I got was a frown. Something tells me, that joke wasn't funny.

What's the point of a married life if the person you're married to is not into it?

I thought about what happened at Krispy Kreme today. I realized that he probably didn't mean anything when he said that to me. He probably wanted me to have a partner so I would look like I understand what is going on with them as supposed to being a happy single guy laughing at them as they cut each other's head off.

The married life may be happening to someone else out there. Who knows, maybe it does exist even in the absence of a real wedding ceremony.

-End-

The 'Married' Life part two

2008-10-20T16:40:00.000+08:00

As I thought about it, Thad had a good point. Carrie did get married in the movie. But now does that mean everyone else has to do the same thing? Aren't singles given credit for making the choice of their marital status? And whenever failed relationships happen, especially for marriages, do you have to keep searching for 'the one'?

Our texting spree didn't really end with the mention of Sex and the City. He asked how I am doing now and I said I'm fine. I got out of a relationship - or pseudo whichever is more appropriate for you -- and I am currently not looking. Surprisingly, I was telling the truth.

'Well, I'm glad you're okay. I wish you more success and finally a relationship so your life would be complete.'

I didn't bother replying to that message. What does it mean? Does a relationship always complete someone's life? Or is it life's big lid that controls the life of a happy and carefree single guy?

Later that day, I decided I couldn't let this pass without asking for my friends' opinions on the matter. I called Joe and he noticed that I sounded so upset.

'My friend Thad thinks I'm lonely.'
'Did he say that?'
'No, but he wished me good luck in finding myself a relationship to complete my life.'
'I hate it when people say that.'
'Like it's a pill you have to take to keep your sanity!'
'Like it's a lubricant you have to put on your cock to make your life more pleasurable.'
'When did having a relationship become a prerequisite to a successful and happy life?'
'WHy does it bother you so much?'
'Because I hate to think that people are now looking at me saying Poor boy, he doesn't have a boyfriend. He'll grow old and lonely.'
'Who the fuck cares what they think. I go to bars alone but I always make sure I don't leave alone.'

That's the thing about single guys. We can hook-up whenever and wherever. But is it enough to show this to those 'married guys'?

'Kai, this isn't a contest where you need to show your medal to your friends.'
'Apparently, it is.'
'WHy so?'
'Thad said I will see his quote unquote husband when I'm also married so we can have a double date.'
'WHat the fuck?'
'Yeah what the F.. now it's a prerequisite to a nice dinner with a friend too.'
'Then why don't you just get a date?'

I didn't think about that. But now that he brought it up, I thought it would be a bad idea.

'Even worse because he might think I'm just pretending to be happy.'
'Are you?'
'No, I don't think I have to pretend.. I mean...'
'No, I mean -- are you happy?'

And that's the question we've all been wanting to answer.

The 'Married' Life part one

2008-10-15T16:38:00.000+08:00

Gays in manila are often fond of calling their relationship a 'marriage'. While gay marriage is yet to be legalized in this country, some of us have managed to live as married couples, share an apartment, buy groceries together, try to finish each other's sentences and all the brouhaha. I don't see anything wrong with it but I can't help but make a funny face whenever someone is being introduced to be as someone's ASAWA*.

This came to mind when one day I was bored and I decided to get in touch with some very old friends - the one you've met when you were younger, more energetic, and more sexually-confused. One of those friends is Thad, a manager who works at some insurance company.

Thad and I went to the same university. We were both in the closet back then and I had absolutely no idea that he has part of our world. The secret came out when I told him I met with his friend Chris, who then volunteered to help me on a paper I was doing for our communications class. We met online.

'Hey, I met your friend.'
'Which one?'
'Chris... he's helping me with my paper.'
'How'd you meet him?'
'We met online. We just chatted and he said he could help.'

Thad just stood there, not knowing how to react to what I said. Apparently, 'chatting with Chris' always meant chatting with him on the Bi-manila channel, a popular chatroom for PLUs.

He later confessed that he already knew about me and that now we're both out we've got nothing else to hide.

--

Fast forward 5 years later. Thad got an early success in his career. He got a high-paying job and he said he's in a very special relationship.

I texted him to ask how this special love of his is doing.

'I'm completely happy with my married life.'
'Oh really? And when do I meet this husband of yours?'
'Someday when you're also married. SO we can have a double date!'

I didn't know what to say. I gave it a good 5 minutes before I replied:

'That's a mean thing to say. What if I'm Carrie Bradshaw? I'm always single!'
'Kai, even Carrie realized married life is happier. She eventually tied the knot, didn't she?'

And there, in my room while holding my cellphone, I started cursing at Carrie Bradshaw and the writers of Sex and the City.

*Asawa is the Filipino term for spouse

The End of the Show - Porntifications 5.0

2008-10-10T20:33:00.000+08:00

Dating Buck was more fun that I thought. First, he was the perfect candidate for a trophy boyfriend. While he refused to go to the fabulous gay district for even a shot of vodka or a bottle of beer, he tries to compensate by making me feel like his real partner when we're in the straight zone -- the malls, the bank, the streets.

One time at Krispy Kreme, a young kid was looking at us funny because we were sharing one glazed donut. There were two guys at the table next to ours who were gawking at us. They were obviously a couple so I didn't understand why there were acting strange.

'I know. Let's pretend you have something on your lip and I'll lick it off.'
'Are you crazy? You'll have us arrested.'
'For what?'
'Being in the straightzone. Chill.'

I admit it was a fun idea. ANd knowing that Buck was willing to do that in front of these people is great. He was really comfortable with the idea that we're together. I like that.

'In Toronto, you can kiss anybody. And I mean anybody.'
'SO you've kissed the entire town?'
'Toronto and the neighboring parts.'
'Yeah... that's AWESOME. REALLY.'

I was still quite uncomfortable with the idea that I'm dating someone who jacks off for a living. But you know what they say about relationships -- it's always a compromise.

And that's what I tried to do. Since we were both busy with our 'jobs', I decided he should stay at my apartment for a while.

'Besides, I have this cool poster. It's big enough to be your backdrop.' He smiled like a kid.

So here's how our day would normally be like: We'd wake up together. Shower together. Dress up together. I always tell him that he doesn't need to wear his long sleeves and tie but then he said: 'My customers like it. It's for my office guy show.'

He was a pretty creative guy. I've seen some of his shows. I encouraged him to wear a mask and he did. He'd usually play the role of a corporate guy who likes porn and who jacks off every time he gets home. He cut some boards and put it in front of the camera. The trick is to make it look like you are in the building across his place and you are trying to take a peek at the masturbating neighbor.

And the show was great. Guys online loved him and I'm surprised that they do send money before, during and after the show.

Friday's are, well, called Thank Greg it's Fucking Friday. He still hasn't told me why he picked the name Greg. TGIFF is when you bid for the next move. For example, if you want to see his ass, we'll start at 20 dollars. If you want him to play with it, that's gonna cost 5 more. If you want him to put a dildo in it, then that's 50-dollar show.

These shows last for less than an hour. It's a private show so the customers are the only ones who can see what they bid on. The more guys bid, the more money he gets. He gets a maximum of 8 customers a night.

By the time I get home, he'd be like a dead fish lying on my bed. I'll kiss him goodnight and he'll try to start making love. I'll tell him he's tired and he'll say he's sorry he's not giving me enough time -- a.k.a. enough sex. So he decided he won't be taking any jobs every Sunday because that's when the real sex happens.

'So you have sex only once a week?'

Joe was the only one I told about the whole Buck thing not because he's the only one I trust with this information but because he's the only one I know who can handle it.

'Does a blowjob count?'
'He must be really tired everyday...'
'You bet. He does 8 shows every night.'
'Does he cum in each show.'
'He used to. When he only had 3-4 shows but when he started doing more he figured he should use fake cum.'
'Yeah, cumming for 8 times a night isn't healthy.'
'So you can't do that? Joe, I'm disappointed!'

He looked insulted. Joe is confident that he is one of the most effective sexual machines on the planet and saying that isn't going to help boost his reputation.

'Well, I'm not crazy enough to cum every hour!'
'Hahaha I figured.'
'I'm serious! It's going to kill my legs.'
'Oh yeah... I know. Remember that time when I was bored and I was in my apartment? I jacked off the entire day. About 8 times I believe and boy did it hurt so much.'
'That's 8 times with an interval of...'
'Oh definitely more than an hour.'
'I thought so.'

Later that night, I asked him if he could take some time off his 'work' and have dinner with me. Unfortunately, the businessman said he had to meet his target profit by end of the week and he's not anywhere near it. So I decided to have dinner with Joe instead.

'Where's your guy?'
'Oh, he's in a business meeting.'
'Ooohhh sexy.'

Joe was awfully quiet that night. It seemed as if he wanted to tell me something but he couldn't.

'Well..?'
'Well?'
'You've been sitting like a statue there. Talk to me.'
'Well... I have a confession to make.'
'Let's hear it.'
'Okay but first, how are today?'
'Oh let's cut the crap and get with the program I'm starting to get bored.'

He grabbed a cigarette and gave me one too. His hands were shaking. He looked scared. Of what?

'I saw it.'
'Mamma mia? Great! Told you it was good!'
'No, the other show.'
'Which one?'
'You man's show.'

I coughed as I was about to exhale with the thick smoke from my mouth.

'You what?'
'Okay, don't get mad. I just thought I should see if you were telling me the truth.'
'Why would I lie to you?'
'I don't know. But you were right. He was good. Great!'
'Shit.'
'Sorry!'
'So is this going to happen everyday?'
'NO, he's pretty expensive. And for you, I won't.'
'No, I mean -- am I now going to bump into each and every customer of my porn star?'
'You said they were all from other countries right?'
'Not the ones who've been sending him money through his cellphone.'
'You can do that?'

I frowned. He shut his mouth for his sake.

When I got home that night, I was greeted with some ahhhs and ooohhhs in my apartment. There were crumpled pieces of tissue paper lying around and my place smelled like cum. He said hi to me and gave me a gesture that means 'I'm busy, someone's watching me.'

'STOP.'
'Hushhhh...' He put his hand on his finger. The man was still watching.

'You have to stop. Get out. I'm done.'
He stood up. Typed the words 'One minute'. The guy stayed online. He paid 15 dollars to see this shit.

'What's the matter baby?'
'I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.' That's all I could say.
'Look, I thought you understood.'
'I did. I still do. That's why you have to leave.'
'Kai.. baby..'
'I now understand that I can't do this.'
'come on..'
'Yeah, cum that's what my place smells like.'
'Look, I'm gonna clean up and we'll talk okay. Right now I have...'
'You have a customer huh?'
'Hunny, just let me cum and he's gone okay? He paid 15 dollars to see this and he's not going anywhere.'

I disconnected his webcam from the laptop. He looked down and kicked the chair.

'I'm sorry aight? I said I'm sorry.'
'Yeah, I'm sorry too Buck.'

I let him finish his 2 other shows that night. He must have earned 30-50 dollars.

The next day, Buck moved out.

Buck was still one of my great fucks.

Porntifications 4.0

2008-10-05T13:36:00.000+08:00

Later that week, I tried my best to avoid Buck. He texted me like a hundred times but before I could read the message I press delete and go back to my life trying to take my mind off the '50-dollar jack off live show'.

'Do you think he was kidding? 50 dollars is a lot for just seeing someone enjoy himself.'

Joe is the one person I turn to when it comes to the Buck issue. He's sexually active and he dates any guy -- and I mean JUST ANY guy. I figured he would have a better view of the whole situation.

'I thought so too. But then he said the guy's old and rich. It was his first and last expensive jack-off session.'
'I just can't believe someone would pay that amount to see someone touch himself.'
'On webcam...'
'Yeah, see that's what I'm saying. You can get someone to do it for 100 pesos.'
'I frowned. 'That's not even 5 dollars!'
'That's my point.'
'DO you think he's just lying?'
'Why, do you have another theory?'
'He's pretty gorgeous. What if he's really an escort?'
'I think he's a pretty decent guy.'
'Decent enough to jack off for 50?'
'Dollars -- don't let anyone think it's for a third world's currency.'

---

After talking to Joe, I wondered why I was so bothered about the whole thing. People do crazy stuff to survive in the jungle and he was no different from us animals. Joe made a good point: he's too gorgeous to be an escort - too gorgeous that he'd be ridiculously overpriced and would be charging more for tips.

So after a few more missed calls and some more text messages, I decided I was ready to have a little chat with the porn star.

Kaionthego: Buzz!
BuckF: HEY, I called like a hundred times
Kaionthego: Yeah, sorry.
BuckF: Sorry I freaked you out.
Kaionthego: No, it's just me. I was just surprised.
BuckF: Of course, you were.
Kaionthego: I thought you would say you're Paris Hilton's lost brother or something.
BuckF: Haha [smiley] Unfortunately, I'm not.
Kaionthego: [smiley]
BuckF: Can I call you?
Kaionthego: Sure.

Less than 10 seconds later, we were on the phone. And this time, I was controlling the conversation.

'Tell me the truth.'
'Okay..'
'Did you just make that all up to cover the fact that you're a male escort?'
'What? What are...'
'That you get paid by rich and arrogant queens?'
'No, what are you talking..'
'And if you like them you suck them too?'
'STOP.'

I realized I had to. I was talking way too fast I couldn't keep up with myself. It was an ambush interview with the porn star.

'I am not going to explain what I do anymore. I just told you -- only you because I know you will understand and because I like you.'

There was an uncomfortable pause.

'Hello?'
'I'm still here.' I finally managed to say a few words.
'It's not like what you think, no.'
'Of course, it's not.'
'Hey, don't patronize me.'
'I'm not. I'm just talking.'
'So can I finally see you?'
'Hmm..'
'Tonight?'
'Gee, I don't know. Don't you have a show at 9AM Central time?'

He made a sound that made me realize he was getting annoyed.

'Alright. Alright. Fine.'
'And that's 9PM MANILA time for you.'
'I hope you're wearing something...'
'I hope I won't be by the end of the night.'

And so we went to that new restaurant -- the same one where we were supposed to go when he broke the news about his occupation. I realized, if you like someone, it won't matter whether he's a porn star or someone with poses for DNA or PlayGirl.

The important thing is that he does the most intimate thing with only you, to only you and only for you.

And that his wanking costs 50 dollars too.

Porntifications 3.0

2008-09-30T12:35:00.000+08:00

So here's the back story: About 7 years ago, a young college student was having a problem. He was supposed to go to Australia for an internship program but he didn't have cash. He had a day job - works at a semi-popular, semi-trashy bar -- but he needed more dough for his trip. Cash definitely has to come from somewhere else.

He knew he could do something about it. A man like him -- charming, handsome and sweet could definitely use his skills to get the money he needed. He was introduced to a producer who described himself as a 'hotshot', making movies that sold really well. When he asked Mr. Producer what titles he has worked on, he was shocked to learn that they were not box-office hits at all. In fact they were small, independently-released films.

He produces porn movies.

'What the fuck...so you weren't kidding when you..'
'No I wasn't. But..'
'Holy shit, I'm dating a porn star. Holy shit.'
'Can you please stop saying that?'
'Holy shit... is that why those old filthy gay guys were looking at us funny when we went to the bar?'
'No...I must have...'
'They must have a copy of your movie..'
'I doubt that and...'
'Holy shit.'

I don't know if it was the vodka I drank a few hours before the conversation or if it was a natural response to this situation. Should I feel better knowing that I am dating someone who makes money fucking someone else on DVD?

'Wait, you said that was 7 years ago.'
'Yes, and if you could sit down and listen I can explain more about my situation.'

I was overreacting. But his story still doesn't answer my question -- while he is here on the other side of the world, how does he manage to survive? How does he pay for bills? I've never seen him take any jobs here. He just stays in his apartment, calls me when he wants to meet up.

'There's something else.'
'Oh, of course there's something else.'

He told me that he got here because he was asked to be a model for a local clothing brand. And he did model for them -- three runway shows during Fashion week. Pay was not as high as he expected and he was quickly running out of cash.

'So I turned to the internet.'
'You're saying you made money online?'
'Yeah I did -- I do.'
'Oh yeah, I've heard about that. I think I've read somewhere that people earn money through their blogs?'
'No, this is... this is something else Kai.'

When he got a little too desperate, he was sad all day. Good thing he had his laptop and he was stealing wi-fi signals from the guy who lives on the same floor of his building. He said it was an accident. He went to a gay personals site, and put on his cam. The guy he was chatting with was a bit old, he wasn't showing his face but he could tell by his skin.

'He asked me to take off my clothes and to jack off.'
'And you did?'
'Yeah, I told him I'd do it if he gives me 50 dollars.'

The man, excited about his bulge was more than happy to oblige. He got his email address and transferred money through his PayPal account.

'And from then on, I just started doing it.'
'You get paid to jack off?'
'Well, not just that. I show my ass, pour oil on my chest, spank myself. You have no idea how crazy people can be when it comes to sex.'
'Yeah, I just found out today.'
'Some of my viewers are from here. A lot of them are from other countries. So I get money in different currencies.'
'And you get the money by...'
'Western Union. PayPal. And oh there's this cool thing you do with your cellphone and you can transfer funds.'

So he really is an actor of some sort.

'I do whatever they want me to do.'
'And you get paid for it.'
'Do you... do you ever fuck someone?'
'NO.. no. I swear.'
'Have someone suck you?'
'NO. Absolutely not.'
'Coz, you said you do whatever they say..'
'Well, everything but I do it alone. You don't have to worry about that. I only like to fuck you.'

He hugged me, tried to kiss me but I was still quite uncomfortable with his revelation.

'Hey, I hope this doesn't change anything between us.'

I forced a smile.

'I have to do it. See, here's what I made so far.' He showed me a small box with lots of cash in it -- in Euros, Dollars and Pesos.

'Are you.. also going to hotel rooms offering room service?'
'NO, come on. I don't have to. I do it online.'
'Wow. You really are a porn star.'

He looked down as if unhappy with that comment.

'Okay, I'm gonna go. Now.'
'Wait, come on don't leave. I made plans for us.'
'Oh, you didn't tell me I already have plans.'
'It was supposed to be a surprise.'
'Trust me, what I need right now is a shock absorber.'
'Hey, please don't let this bother you okay? I do this because I have to. Not because I want to.'
'Of course, you also think it's fun right?'

I cut the conversation short with that question. I left his unit wondering where I'm going. I made that excuse to take some time to think about what he told me.

Then, I said to myself: '50 dollars to see someone jack off? That's some expensive cum he got.'

Porntifications part 2

2008-08-24T23:21:00.000+08:00

I tried to ignore what he just said. He just said he's a porn star. I laughed and I forgot to see if he was serious. He does have a muscular built. His biceps were big enough for me to fall in love with him. He showed me his abs which are to die for. What is it about big arms and flat abs? They show us some skin with no visible fat and we fall head over heels with this type of guy.

Buck was one of my great fucks.

Since that night we met, we started hanging out together mostly for drinks on a Saturday night. I initially didn't get his number. I didn't know if he was into boys so I was extra careful. But even though we didn't have any way of contacting each other we just always end up on the same side of the bar, drinking beer or something much stronger.

'So what do you do?'
'Some outsourced job.'
'Call center?'
'Close. It's a website management thing.'
'Oh, like you blog?'
'That's one aspect of the job.'
'Cool dude.'

He called me dude.

I went on to explain what type of work I do and he seemed pretty interested. He told me he does some business on the internet too and that's how the conversation went the entire night.

'What type of business do you do? Marketing? I asked.
He sort of grinned. 'Sort of...'
'Oh yeah? What kind? I mean how is it?'
'Well, I told you didn't I?'
'Told me what?'

He smiled and looked down. He seemed shy but he's always smiling. And how disarming was his gorgeous smile.

'Come on..'
'Where are we going?'
'I'll show you something.'

We ended up at his place - a big loft in the middle of the most fabulous address in the city. He told me it's owned by his friend who recently left the country. He's not paying rent but he has to pay the association dues and the bills. That's when I had the chance to inject the question again:

'So how do you pay for all this? I mean what do you do?'
'I told you, right?'
'Haha, that you're a porn star?'
'Yeah...'
I paused. ' You've got to be kidding me right?'
'Hmmm...'

He grabbed my butt and pushed his crotch against mine.

'No I ain't.'

I smiled thinking it was a joke. The whole thing was kind of erotic. Maybe he was just into role playing and stuff. We kissed for a good 5 minutes until our lips were sore. Then he took off his shirt to reveal his excellent physique. I licked every moving muscle of his body, starting from his nicely shaped pecs, I went through his soft nipples until I reached his abs. I gave him the best blowjob he can ever get (well, at least I know I did my best). He moaned and begged for more and so I gave it to him.

And in a split second, he asked me to turn around, as if telling me he wanted to fuck me. I dilly-dallied but he was just too hot to resist. If I were to bottom for someone, it better be someone like him.

'I don't usually... do that.'
'Don't worry.. it'll be alright. I'll be gentle.'

And gentle he was from the first time his dick touched my bum until he pushed his entire piece into me. I was in pain. And I could hear him saying something to me -- to make me relax or something. Or probably to make me horny. I heard him say, ' Do you feel me?' And I screamed, 'Yes, I fucking feel every inch of your fucking dick asshole!'

It got pretty rough. And it wasn't much fun being on the receiving end. But when I looked back to see just how hard he was fucking me, I saw a very excited man, a very horny Buck giving me one of my best fucks.

'Damn, fuck you!'
'Fuck me!'

And he did so with so much passion and drama, it almost looked like we were in a porn movie.

Maybe he wasn't kidding after all.

Porntifications part 1

2008-08-04T00:53:00.000+08:00

He was one of my best fucks ever. Ironically, his name was Buck, short for Buckley. Buck the great fuck. He grew up in Canada and was staying in Manila for a few months because he was in some trouble in his hometown. He said he it's not murder or anything so I didn't have to worry. I was afraid at first but when you see a gorgeous skateboard guy which abs to die for looking you in the eye saying, 'I'm not a murderer, don't be afraid.' What's a gullible gay guy to do?

I met him at a bar. Well, actually outside the bar. I was wasted and was smoking like crazy. I decided to get some air when I suddenly hit the ground. And there he was, asking me if I was alright. The skater dude with a funny accent -- definitely not American or British -- was trying to pull me up. I didn't think of my fall because I was too drunk to feel anything at that time. I just stared at his eyes and asked, 'Vous estes Francais?' He responded, 'Non, I am Canadian but that was close.'

That night we didn't talk about anything unusual. I asked him what he was doing in Manila and he said he was on vacation. Later on he told me how he got into trouble. That's he confessed that he got into a fight with some group of skater boys and someone got 'seriously hurt' that he had to go away. He showed me his bruises on his stomach. Nice abs, I said to myself. He's not bad looking at all.

I told him what I do for a living. He asked a lot of questions to a point when I almost forgot to ask him what he does.

'Oh I'm sorry. What about you?'
'Uhm, me?'
'Yeah, what do you do? I mean you're technically on vacation but..'
'Yeah I am. I -ah..'

He looked up, then smiled at me and said:

'I'm an actor.'

Masseur experience (Fin)

2008-07-21T09:00:00.000+08:00

The similar thing happened. I was there and this masseur named Derrick or Erick (I forgot which one it is) was there. He asked me to remove the towel I wore around my shoulders. I was only wearing my shorts. He asked me to lie on my chest while he start with my back. The massage was very ... sensual. He wasn't big with conversation unlike other masseurs. I like it that way.

He slowly reached for my lower body. He gently slid down my shorts which exposed my butt. I was very shy but then he started massaging it like he didn't care so I was okay. The way he massaged it, I thought he was already on to something.

'Is the pressure okay?'
'Uhm, yeah. Yes it is.'

He was kneading my ass for a good five minutes now and I couldn't help but wonder, did my buns look so stressed that he felt he had to massage it for that long? And that's when it started. He focused on one cheek. It was great. And when he moved to the other, I noticed he was touching my crack a lot. I didn't mind it at first but then it was as if he was looking for my hole. I tried to keep it together, my face was covered but I couldn't hide my expression. I was excited.

As he put his hands, following the shape of my ass, he slowly touched my balls like it was an accident -- but it sure wasn't. I moved a bit, trying to see if the second time would be different but it wasn't. In fact, he touched it even more but you can tell he's pretending that it's all part of the massage. And then, a few seconds after, he did a technique that massaged half of my balls, went up my ass and separated the cheeks and caressed my hole.

I think I moaned a little.

'Sir? Was the pressure too much?'
'Uhm, no it's... fine.'

Fuck the pressure. The guy was obviously playing with me. When he was done with my back, he asked me to lie on my back. He knelt on the edge of the bed near my head and started massaging my shoulders. It was great. It was great until I was shocked when he started massaging my chest. It wasn't just an ordinary massage. He was going through my nipples, slowly, gently, and not just the areola but the tip itself. Though it was extreme uncomfortable and was a pain in the gut, I struggled not to have an erection because I thought, if I'm wrong and this guy's really just trying to give me a massage, then that would be so embarrassing.

He went to the other side of the bed. My face was covered with a towel but I could see him looking at me, then he looked at my dick which, at that time was starting to gain some muscle. He was massaging my right hand when suddenly, he went for my stomach area. I was shocked that I almost sat but immediately went back to my previous position and apologized. I told him it tickles.

Then, he massaged my thighs, this time completely touching my balls as my dick slowly stood up until it exhibited a full erection right in front of the masseur. As if touching my balls wasn't enough, he massaged the area around my hard penis, careful not to touch my big gun. He used both hands to massaged my thighs. I didn't realize I was moaning so hard until he put his arm on my hard dick, massaged my stomach while his arm was slowly, slowly massaging my very, very, very hard tool.

I was somehow in a state of shock. I didn't know what to do. Am I going to give in and grab his dick too? Are we gonna have sex right now? Who's going to blow who? How much am I supposed to pay for all this?

When he sensed that I was a bit uncomfortable, he asked again:

'Sir, everything okay?'
'Uhm, yeah but could you stop with the stomach. It tickles. Sorry.'

I thought of apologizing for my hardon but I realized it would be too embarrassing.

When the massage was done, he asked if I wanted to stay. I told him yes I would love that. He then covered my body with towels and told me to cum -- I mean come again next time. I asked for his name and he gave it to me, only I didn't know if it was Derrick or Erick. Or maybe it was something else. I was still hung over by what just happened.

And let me tell you, my dear friends, it was the most orgasmic thing I've ever experienced - like it was sex without THE sex. No man has ever touched me that way hahaha!

Something tells me I'm gonna be back for more...

--END--

Masseur experience (second of THREE parts)

2008-07-10T11:52:00.000+08:00

The most recent experience I had was last week. I first heard about this spa through a friend - a girl friend. She said the services were exceptional and she plans to bring me there some day. I forgot about the spa. Two weeks later, I started hearing rumors about flirty masseurs at that same place. There was this one guy I met who said they really initiated the whole thing.

'He was massaging my back. He stood in front of my head and started kneading, yes knead is the term.

'He then touched my butt, several times. And no, it wasn't just part of the massage. He touched my hole, not once, not twice. But many times until I forgot for a good 10 seconds that I was in a decent spa. I moaned like a porn star. I suddenly snapped back and said sorry. He said, Okay lang sir. Then he grabbed both butt cheeks and added, okay po ba yung massage sir? (Is the massage okay, sir?)...'

'There was nothing else I could do. My dick was at its hardest and lying on it made it even worse. Suddenly, I grabbed his crotch, pulled down is pants and started giving him a hand job. He wanted me to suck his dick but I told him I don't do it on the first date haha! I didn't jack off. It wasn't safe. But he did. He came on my face and I loved it! I even took a pinch of his cum on my cheek and tasted it. It was sweet. I'm definitely cumming back!'

---------

At first, I didn't believe his story. But I saw read his blog and he said he did go back and got even more from the same masseur. This time there was no massage -- only a hot afternoon session with a masseur wearing a sexy robe, fucking him against the wall of the VIP room -- then in one of the rest room's cubicles. YES. He got fucked twice. Again, according to his blog.

-------

Determined to find out the truth, I decided to go there myself. I went there alone. First thing I noticed is that there were a lot of PLUs. They gave me a key to my locker. I took off my pants and shirt and grabbed a towel. I showered first then went to the sauna. Upon entering, I saw two guys on the side who were sitting very close to each other. At first, I thought it may be just the light. I focused and I swear I saw one's hand on the other 's leg. I thought I concentrated too hard that they stopped. The skinnier guy left. The other guy -- an older guy -- followed shortly after.

I was escorted to the massage rooms. I waited for the masseur. My heart was beating faster and I could feel my pulse through my dick. When he arrived, he was dressed in a uniform similar to that of a physical therapist's.

'Hi Sir, massage service?'

'Ahh.... yeah.'

I couldn't help but wonder. Was he offering me two different things?

Masseur experience (first of Three parts)

2008-07-01T22:51:00.000+08:00

I've always wondered what it's like to be in those massage parlors which offer 'extra services' to their patrons. I have been invited numerous times but I politely decline every time I'm asked. I'm too scared to get their service, let alone be seen anywhere near those places as there are tons of TV shows which targets popular gay spots for ratings. I wasn't willing to be part of their game.

Once, I was supposed to have a massage from a guy I met online. He said he knows one of the best Sensual Massage techniques. I was dilly-dallying, unsure if it's safe to meet him in a hotel room. He waited for nearly an hour until I finally had the courage to go to the room and get serviced.

I was pissed. Not only did he attempt to do everything in a jiffy, he pulled out his cock and forced it into my mouth as soon as he started. I asked myself, Is this how this is supposed to be done? I made him feel like I'm irritated but he didn't budge. He just massaged me a bit, stroked his cock occasionally, and asked me to suck his cock. That's the service I am never going to ask from my masseur.

'I was hoping I'd still be getting that Sensual Massage.' I said.

'You were a bit late and I still have to be somewhere.'

'Another customer?'

'No, another job.'

'Well, can I at least get what I came here for?'

'Isn't this what you wanted?'

The guy had clearly no idea. I gave him the payment I agreed to pay and stormed out of the hotel room. I left him wondering why I left a sexy, naked masseur like him alone, without even sucking him or stroking his cock. I was pissed.

------

The second masseur experience I had was better. At least he knew how to give a good massage. He was a bit of a flirt too, which I really liked about him. He kept pretending to touch my balls and penis by accident. I tried so hard not to have a hardon but it was just so difficult. When it came to massaging my chest, he had to knead my skin like a soft dough. It gave me one of the most exciting reactions of my body. My dick was extra hard by the time he focused on my nipples.

He went down, massages my pelvis and skipped my cock. He massaged my legs. And just when my cock was obviously beating like crazy, he massaged it, put his two hands around it and started stroking it. I was shocked. Even better, he sucked my cock without any inhibitions. Though I knew how he was just forced to do so, I admire him for at least trying.

I sucked him too, he had a huge cock. Then, he put my cock betweek his legs, and pretended like I was fucking him. It reminded me a little bit of my ex, who liked doing that too. So I decided to switch. I put his thick cock between my hairy legs. He was moaning and it didn't sound THAT fake. I'd like to think it may have made him feel horny too.

That was hot.

But something hotter did happen just a few days ago.

To be continued....

SHELTER: Must-see gay-themed film

2008-06-29T06:30:00.000+08:00

I am not in the habit of posting videos on my blog but this one's an exception. I always look out for good quality gay-themed movies and found one called 'Shelter'. I found out about it through the ads online when it was about to be shown in the US. Then, Migs shared the theme song on his blog. I figured I should just download the movie than wait for it to come out on DVD.

This movie is excellent. It's not your typical gay-themed movie where two men fall in love and all the cheesiness begins. I like that the director made it look very realistic (at least in my book) and the story is great. The actors are hot as hell too. Here are two clips: first is the official trailer and the other is the music video of 'Lie To Me', probably one of the best songs from a movie I've heard since Juno's Anyone Else but You.

3-Minute Orgasm

2008-06-09T14:20:00.000+08:00

Kai: Hello?
FuckMeHard69: Hi, is this Kai?
Kai: Yeah... fuckmehard69 from *****?
FuckMeHard69: Yeah. What are you wearing?
Kai: Err.. just my boxers...
FuckMeHard69: What color?
Kai: Blue... checkered. With some kid stuff printed on them.
FuckMeHard69: You like kid stuff baby?
Kai: Yeah... you?
FuckMeHard69: I like whatever's on you baby.
Kai: Hmm...
FuckMeHard69: Are you hung?
Kai: Yeah, totally.
FuckMeHard69: Nice... touch your nipples for me baby...
Kai: Don't call me baby...
FuckMeHard69: Fuck it, you're my slave.
Kai: I like that.
FuckMeHard69: Your dick is mine slave.
Kai: I ain't moving a muscle Master.
FuckMeHard69: Yeah, yeah [moans hard]
Kai: Are you hard?
FuckMeHard69: Fucking hard yeah slave.
Kai: How do I know?

{slaps hard dick onto the mouthpiece}

Kai: Nice... ahhhh....
FuckMeHard69: Like that?
Kai: Do it again Master...

{slaps dick again, this time for one full minute}

Kai: Ahhhhh....
FuckMeHard69: Are you touching yourself?
Kai: Touching? I'm almost there Master..
FuckMeHard69: Not until I suck you slave... I'm sucking you..
Kai: Yeah...
FuckMeHard69: Deepthroat...
Kai: Yeah...
FuckMeHard69: Fuck you're so big....
Kai: Ahhhhhhhhh you're doing great Master..
FuckMeHard69: Great? Fuck I'm the master! Fuck you!
Kai: No Master, let me fuck you.... turn around Master..
FuckMeHard69: Fuck me hard slave.... yeah... like that...
Kai: Ahhh... so tight! Ahhh...
FuckMeHard69: Fucking tight yeah slave!
Kai: I'm almost there...
FuckMeHard69: I'm cumming..... cumming... cumming...
Kai: Wait for me! I'm cumming... Almost.... ahhh....
FuckMeHard69: I'm Cum-- LINE WENT DEAD.

{Kai is still stroking his dick when it suddenly turned soft}

Kai: Hello?

{After 30 seconds}

FuckMeHard69: Hello?
Kai: What happened?
FuckMeHard69: I'm on Globe's 3-minute call promo. Come on, let's do it again.
Kai: Go fuck yourself.

{Line went dead}

FuckMeHard69: Hello? Hello? We still have 2 minutes....

the Trip - part trois

2008-05-22T15:51:00.000+08:00

That awkward conversation with Hunky IT guy Howard resulted to a couple of sleepless nights. I'd imagine him biting my shoulder, thinking it was his pillow. Does he sleep in the nude? Or does he at least wear boxers? The room was air-conditioned so it gets pretty cold during the night. Will he put on something thick to cover his whole body? Or are we both going to stay under the sheets and gag about work at the end of the day?

You must imagine how tense I got that day. Fortunately, the day he arrived, he told me he had to visit some relatives so we weren't going to share the bed until the next day.

'But I'm leaving my stuff here.'
'Oh sure.'
'Hope you'll watch over them.'
'I'll guard them with my life...'
'Would you want anything? Pasalubong perhaps?'

Hmmm.... I didn't expect him to ask that.

'Err...uhm... sure.'
'So? What do you want?'
'Oh just get back here...' The words slipped out of my mouth.
'Excuse me?'
'I mean get back here... scary being alone here don't you think?'
'You're too old to be scared...'
'Yeah. Maybe. Just... yeah just get me anything.'

And he left. I texted Mike and he said he'd go to my room and ask what happened. I told him nothing happened and I think nothing ever will. The guy is obviously a flirt but I don't see a tripper in him.

'Even a blowjob?' Mike asked.
'Nah.'
'Want me to try?'
'NO.'

So I wasn't interested in this guy before but Mike's obsession over him is somehow contagious. It was around 9PM when Mike left. I had to drag him out of our room because he insisted on waiting for Howard to arrive. I told him he's spending the night somewhere else.

I turned off the TV and tried to g to bed but I couldn't sleep. I was moving nonstop, trying different positions, thinking of how we're going to sleep in that bed. I sat down and tried to shake the thought off my mind but I couldn't.

Especially when I saw his large bag lying in front of me. My instinct told me to go through his stuff but I was afraid he'll find out. But then I remember touching my parents' things when I was a kid without them finding out. It's a skill I learned when I was younger. Much younger.

So I unzipped the black gym bag. The first thing I saw is a bunch of red bikini briefs. Interesting choice. Red. I grabbed one.... and slowly... put held it tightly... like me holding his bicep, or his thigh, then suddenly, without hesitating, I put the underwear on face, I tried to smell the UNUSED underwear, as if smelling the sweat dripping from his body.

Then suddenly...

the TRIP - part deux

2008-05-17T10:59:00.000+08:00

Mike was begging for me to swap rooms when he found out that hunky Howard from IT was going to stay in the same room with me. He offered to do dozens of favors but none of them were particularly appealing. I did want him to envy me until the end of the trip. I figured keeping him excited for my stories would keep him following me like a dog for days.

Howard was not bad-looking at all. Or probably because of the fact that he's so masculine, with cuts on his biceps that would make you drool for hours, he looked too damn much like one of those hot naked men on the web.

'Are you new? I haven't seen you in the office.'
'Oh no. Geez, no.' I was surprisingly nervous. I don't even like him.
'Oh... maybe I'm new.' He laughed. Great smile. Nice jawline.
'Yeah, yeah.'

How's that for a first conversation. Now I understand why people were just excited about this guy. He has this rare skill of flirting without even doing anything. A simple smile is intoxicating. And he looks at you straight in the eye like he cares so much about what you say.

'So, I don't know if you've been warned.'
'Warned about?'
'That this room only has a queen size bed.'
'ONE queen size bed?'
'Yeah, bad eh?'
'Well, let's see how big it is.'

We went inside and I showed him the bed. I was nervous that he would complain about how small the bed is. For me it is small since I have a king size bed back home. I am free to move around and grab my pillows and be in whichever side of my bed. Knowing that I'm 5'9 and he's much taller, I thought big men deserve bigger beds.

'It's not as bad as it looks.'
'Oh really?' I was surprised.
'Yeah, it's not like we need two of these in here.'
'You don't mind sharing?'
'No, do you?'
'No... no.. no... definitely not. Not at all.'

There were too many No's said there.

'I just thought, we're both--you know--big guys and ..well,'
'Hmm...'
'..and you're a bit bigger hahahaha...'
'Hmm...'
'I thought maybe you'd feel uncomfortable.'

He was silent. I didn't know what was going on in his head.

'Okay, so here's what we do.'
'Uh-huh.'

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to bed. I hesitated but he pushed me so I was lying down. I was completely immobile. He asked me to pretend like we're both sleeping. He was on the right side of the bed and I was on the left.

'See? We have so much space.'
'Uhm... yeah.'
'Do you snor?'
'Nope. I don't know. DO you?'
'I don't know.'
'We'll just let each other know if we couldn't sleep.'
'Yeah deal.' We were still in bed.

'Do you bite?' He asked.
'Excuse me?'
'The pillows... do you bite the edges?'
'Oh haha yeah when I was a kid.'
'Yeah me too. Actually I still do.'
'Oh yeah?'
'Yeah so don't be surprised if I suddenly bite you.

Awkward moment #69.

the TRIP - part un

2008-05-04T23:07:00.000+08:00

I was on a business trip once. My boss sent me and two of my friends to attend a seminar. We arrived at the place on a Monday but we didn't start working until the following week. We had the entire week to go out and party and of course, familiarize ourselves with the location.

My officemates/friends Mike and Jesse shared a room with two regular beds while I was left in a room with a queen size bed. The travel specialist advised me that I might have to share it with someone. I freaked out. I just hope the guy's hot.

Two days after, I woke up to the sound of my new ringtone. It was Mike, the 'gayest' one in the group. He was blabbing about this hot guy he saw at the hotel. He said his name is Howard and he's also there for the seminar.

Mike wasted no time and talked to Howard. Apparently, he is one of the hunky IT guys who once fixed our laptops when they mysteriously crashed -- all of them -- all at the same time.

'Howard who?'
'The tall guy in red!'
'He doesn't change his clothes?'
'No silly, he was in red remember?'
'When the virus struck?'
'Was it a virus?'
'Whatever... I don't remember.'

I honestly don't remember -- there were too many hunks in the IT department. In fact, there's many of them that they should think about changing their department's name. Apparently, Howard's room wasn't ready yet so he was asked to stay in Mike and Jesse's room just for until they figure out where to put him.

'You should have seen him! He was half-naked the entire night!!'
'So I'm guessing you two never got any sleep?'
'Jesse wasn't interested in him.'
'Oh good for you then?'
'Totally! Oh man, you should have seen his dick!'
'The guy just landed and you already saw his dick!?'
'Yeah, well not yet. I saw his huge bulge.'
'Morning wood?'
'A ginormous morning wood, Kai!'
'Oh...'
'His dick was so angry it was trying to crawl out of his shorts!'
'Oh really now?'
'I swear I wanted to wake him up by sucking that fucking meat!'
'Easy now...'

This is why I sometimes try to avoid Mike. I'm afraid that if he doesn't contain himself, he'd get beaten to death by a gay basher.

'Let me just remind you, dear friend that this is Howard. The same guy who filed the harassment case against Wickety Faggotry... remember that?'

Wickety Faggotry was one of the closeted gay guys in IT. I always say 'one of' because I'm assuming there's more of them. During one of their team building sessions, he got so drunk. He went to Howard's room and took of his shorts while he was sleeping and licked his ass. Nope, he missed his dick. He was going ballistic by the time he reached the balls.

'And he was sending him messages saying how tasty his ass was.'
'Hey, I'm not like him. He's a fucking pervert!'
'And what do you call yourself?'

After about 15 minutes, I asked him to suspend the whole Howard discussion because room service was at the door. I asked him to hold as I opened the door.

'Hi,'
'Uh-uh.'
'Kamusta? Jenny from Admin told me they ran out of rooms.'
'We-we're sharing?'
'Yeah, sorry for the hassle.'

I could hear Mike saying that he just heard Howard's voice.

And at that time, all I could think of was that one queen size bed we will be sharing... his ginormous hard-on, and a hot steamy night with the hunky IT guy.

GREAT.

From Condoms to Roses 3

2008-04-17T14:03:00.000+08:00

After a long walk, I grabbed some ice cream from the nearby convenience store. I didn't know if I wanted to go home or spend the night at a friend's place. The arguments have become worse but I've learned the art of just not caring at all. Though it's pretty difficult to admit that we do have problems in our so-called relationship, I am still in it, afraid that if I do not take chances, I would let this one slip so easily like the last one I had.

So after a heated argument on the phone, I bought half a gallon of his favorite ice cream. I got the keys from my pocket and opened the door of our apartment. But it wasn't locked. Great. He was really expecting me to be back.

When I opened the door, I didn't see him. I figured he was in the shower. I put the ice cream in the freezer before it melted and got out of my clothes. They say make up sex is always the best and doing it while in the shower should make it extra special. I put my towel around my waist and tip-toed to the bathroom.

The door was slightly opened. I took a peek and was surprised at what I saw. There was someone else inside the bathroom and Ronnie was fucking him - dogstyle. I opened the door and gasped. They both looked at me. He stopped humping. The other guy had a worried look on his face but Ronnie had him pinned against the wall. He didn't even pull his dick out of his ass. He kept humping after a few seconds, as if giving me a signal to fuck off.

I took off but was not so shocked anymore. I was just a bit surprised that he couldn't pick a better time to fuck someone. I guess I will really be spending the night with someone else.

-----

I approached the receptionist. She asked for my name and I gave it. He called his apartment and asked if he was expecting someone. She gave him my name and she let me go up to his new apartment.

When I knocked on his door, I was nervous. This is the first time I am going to see him. I knocked once. Twice. And there he was at the door. The hot, romantic fling from last summer. The 'extremely horny guy' who turned condoms to roses. It was Jason.

'Hey, how are you?'
'I'm good.' I said.
'Been a while.'
'Yeah, I guess.'
'Are you gonna come in or what?'

He still had the same smile on his face. Same positive energy. His apartment is about 10 minutes away from mine yet I never visited him since that fateful day when I left the apartment two days after finding a condom on his pocket.

'I still can't believe you didn't think it was for you.'
'Let's just say I was younger and more stupid.'

He kept insisting that the condom he prepared was for me. How can you blame me? His attitude towards sex would easily make me jealous. I was always suspecting that he was having sex with someone else. I always thought that a relationship which started out with a hot, sexual encounter could never turn into a serious relationship.

But of course I was wrong. He was right all along.

'You should have believed me.'
'I believe you now.'
'So what brings you here?'
'I- uhm..'
'I know.'
'Huh?'
'You always do that when you have a problem.'
'DO what?'
'Mumble like a teenager in the principal's office.'

The truth is I really couldn't tell him. What should I tell him? That I've replaced him with some sick bastard who is more horny than I thought? Who was always left with a lack of fucking someone since he is the bottom in our relationship?

'What's his name?'
'Ronnie.'
'And what's the problem with Ronnie.'
'I caught him fucking someone in the bathroom... again.'
'So you're now bottom?'
'No silly. He is. But he fucks someone else because I don't wanna be fucked.'
'Then maybe you should give in?'
'I don't think so.'
'Are you leaving him?'

That was a difficult question to answer. I always thought I never really tried to make the relationship work when I was with Jason. All the paranoia -- I just didn't trust him enough. So I thought in my next relationship, I ought to try harder.

'And you did.'
'Maybe not.'
'Sometimes, you have to know when to stop trying.'

I felt tears on my cheeks. I just suddenly remembered how we were. How happy I was and how miserable I am right now. I never should have let him go, I know that.

'Is it too late to try to ask for your forgiveness, Jason?'

He smiled. He stood up and got me a photo. It was then when I realized what I had to do.

From Condoms to Roses 2

2008-03-23T11:19:00.000+08:00

Although our usual everyday sexual encounters were reduced to a once-a-week affair, he was still incomparable. There was so much passion, much more than any of the other guys I’ve been in bed with. So it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Still, I was wondering why his testosterone level began to dip and he started being sweet and cuddly. I smell a break-up waiting to happen.

‘What’s up with you?’ I asked while we were having dinner.
‘What’s up with me?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Yeah, so? What do you mean?’
‘I dunno. I just noticed we’re... just..’
‘Not having too much sex?’
‘Yeah. Sorry, I just want to know.’
‘Nothing.’ He wiped his mouth with the napkin. ‘I just thought we should start changing the way things are around these parts.’
‘Okay, you mean you want to break-up?’
‘Hey, no one is talking about breaking up.’
‘So which part did you say needs to be changed?’
‘You’ll see.’

I started being paranoid since we had that conversation. There were times when I’d worry if I don’t see him in bed when he’s supposed to be sleeping with me. I’d think something’s up when he kisses me when he leaves. I’d notice how much he says ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ like he’s bidding goodbye. I’d wonder why he’s always hugging me and saying ‘Thank you’ when I cook the simplest dinner in the world. I’d frown at every time he sings songs to me.

My friends think that I am overreacting. I think I’m just being cautious. I could never believe that a relationship that started with an SEB (Sex-Eye-Ball) can turn into what is happening to us. My paranoia was my heart’s cautious response so as not to hurt itself in case he decides to break loose.

One time, I was drunk from a partying, I arrived at the apartment surprised as I saw him and another guy on the couch at 2AM. I went berserk and started asking who he was. He tried to explain that he was just a friend who dropped by. He asked him to leave. I was ready to raise hell.

‘Who the fuck would visit a fucking friend at 2 in the fucking morning?’
‘Stop it. Stop cursing.’ He never uses cuss words.
‘I am going to say FUCK whenever I want to ‘coz you’re fucking screwing with me.’
‘Maybe if we talk tomorrow when you’re sober, you’ll understand.’
‘Maybe if I didn’t arrive sooner you two would’ve fucked in our apartment.’

I was going psycho and I didn’t even know why. I didn’t catch them doing anything. They were ‘just talking’. My friends were pretty dubious but even though I’ve doubted his loyalty since we had our first date, he never did anything to confirm those doubts... until now.

The next day, I pissed him off when I didn’t talk to him at all. He prepared breakfast for the two of us but I didn’t touch any of it. I stormed out of the apartment after taking a quick bath and went malling. When I came back, we had the chance to talk and he assured me he was just a friend. I didn’t believe him. But for the sake of putting the issue to rest, I lied and said I did.

He was ecstatic. He kept thanking me for believing in him. He started kissing me on my neck and saying sweet things but I just rolled my eyes, trying to contain myself. It’s overly dramatic but I wanted to cry. I wanted to break up with him and save myself from this drama. But he began his romantic ways and started kissing me. We haven’t had sex since our big fight. He pulled my shirt off and I pulled his. This is great! Make-up sex is the best in the world. He began kissing me more passionately, going from my lips to my jaws, my neck. I acted like a man who didn’t care at all.

I kept rolling my eyes like I still didn’t care but he was like a force I couldn’t repel. With every kiss, I began to grow weaker and weaker. As he mumbled the words ‘I’m sorry’ I couldn’t believe I responded with ‘I forgive you’. SUCH A CLICHE! We were both half-naked by the time he reached my nipples. I had the most amazing sensation around my right nipple, something I’ve never felt before. He was licking it like he’s never licked one before. I moaned in excitement and he just kept going and going.

He took off my shorts and underwear. I was watching in awe as he did the most amazing deepthroat I’ve had in a long time. I knew this was going to be good. I stopped him, being careful not to cum too soon. I pulled him so he could kneel in front of my face. I unzipped his pants and took out his dick. What a waste, I always say. He’s probably one of the many beautiful bottoms with a dick bigger than their top and yet they prefer not to use it.

I focused on the tip as I was lying down with his hard dick on my face. I moved to a more stable position. I ate more of his hard meat. He moaned and kept mumbling something. I couldn’t understand what he was saying. I focused on what I had, what we both had, what we were both in. And I remembered the very first reason why we got together.

I got pretty excited. I slapped his butt a few times. I caressed both cheeks , squeezed them hard when suddenly... I felt a little poke on his left cheek. I stopped sucking him.

‘What? Why’d you stop?’

I didn’t answer. I leaned forward my face touched his dick and reached for his back pocket. I pulled the thing out and was surprised to find out it was a condom. I stared at the mint-flavoured Durex rubber and my mind was saying, ‘You’re the top and he’s always been a bottom. You always keep your condoms in your drawer.’

‘It’s for you.’ He said. His voice was a bit shaky I thought.

I just stared at the thing. I sat on the couch and grabbed my shirt. He said, ‘It’s what you think it is.’

And all I could say was, ‘I need to go for a walk.’

From Condoms to Roses

2008-03-11T15:30:00.000+08:00

I once had a fling who was an extremely horny guy. He begged me for to have sex with him all the time, in the strangest places, and the most dangerous ones too. The first time we did it was in a restroom in the Metro. We were both in the one and only cubicle inside. He was on the toilet bowl while I stood in front of him, careful not to moan while he sucked the energy out of me.

He sucked really well. I could tell he was really horny that day. For a minute I thought he was on drugs. I didn’t think someone clean and sober can be that good in giving a blowjob. It was the first time we met but not the last time we did it in a public place.

He became a regular fuck buddy. I’ve never had so much fun in my life. For one, I was very flattered. Every time we’d have sex, he would beg for my body, as if I am something he really wanted all his life. And after we do it, he would thank me for making him happy. He would give me a smile, seduce me, and ask if I could do another round. I never resisted. I simply couldn’t.

We didn’t officially define our relationship. We did, however, try to resolve the issue of finding us a place to fuck by sharing an apartment – a decision we both made since we also needed a place to stay. He came from the province and was then kicked out of his aunt’s house. I was then reaching the end of my contract with my landlady.

He was not a romantic guy. We never acted like we were couples. But in bed, we were a great match. I fucked him in every corner of our apartment – the living room, bathroom, kitchen, on the dining table, the veranda, fire exit, and of course, in our bedroom. I finally accepted the fact that some people might not be compatible as a couple but they can be great partners in bed.

On the third month, I noticed something changed in him. He was not as horny as he used to be. He never brought someone home (and the security’s guest list has verified this.) I first thought he might have found a better top but then it was pretty hard to imagine since we were always together. In fact, we even got closer than ever. He spent more time with me.

Then I thought, is he trying to turn this into an actual relationship? Is it possible for a sexual encounter to turn into a serious relationship?

Ang Lihim ni Antonio - attacks itself?

2008-02-20T08:38:00.000+08:00

There are so many good reasons why one should watch Ang Lihim ni Antonio (Antonio's Secret). Firstly, it's from the makers of Ang Lalaki sa Parola, which is one of the best pink films I've seen so far. The trailer is also very inviting, enticing its audience to take a peek into the secret life of the protagonist. Most importantly, as a gay man, we all had secrets just like Antonio, which might have led to our choice of sexuality and lifestyle.

PREACHY AND PROMOTING TOURISM?

Overall, the movie was good. Not great. I know a lot of people would disagree with me but I have a few reasons not to like it as much as I liked, say, Roxxxanne or Ang Lalaki sa Parola.

For one, I thought the movie was too preachy. There were lectures from Antonio's mom about the country's law on Male Rape/Abuse. While it is a good thing to inform the audience of the law's existence, the way it was shown in the film was, well, too preachy, like it was Hilary Clinton telling us that this law does exist.

I also suspect that the movie might have gotten its funds from the Marikina government. What's up with the multiple scenes showing [more like promoting] the city's bicycle lanes, the Riverbanks, etc? I remember a few years ago, Manila under Mayor Lito Atienza sponsored the Manila Film Festival entries in exchange of boosting the city's tourism by featuring some of the tourist spots in their films. Did the same thing happen here?

While I admire what the Marikina government has done to its city, I don't know why the director had to shoot scenes showing the city's projects such as the bicycle lanes and the public restrooms.

STORY/CONCEPT

The story was very good. I applaud the writer/s for coming up with such concept.

The execution, however was, well, not done in good taste. It doesn't leave room for imagination as it showed too much skin [and meat if I may add] .. at least in my opinion. Some of the sex scenes were unnecessary and the cock shots were, well, too pornographic than artistic.

I prefer the sex scene in Roxxxanne where Jay Aquitania was invited to have coffee and the next scene shows a cup of coffee moving while Jay was humping the old guy in bed. That's what I call creative.

ACTORS

There is nothing bad I can say about the actors in the movie. Sharmaine Buencamino was excellent as usual. Even Provoq member Josh Ivan Morales had a surprise performance portraying the role of the horny and good-for-nothing uncle who raped Antonio. Jiro Manio was such a comic relief. And ofcourse, Kenjie Garcia was the star of the movie. He acted without any degree of hesitation and shyness.

MOVIE ATTACKS ITSELF

Many of the bloggers who've reviewed the movie said they didn't like the ennding. Same here. I think it would have been better if Uncle Jonbert was put in jail [instead of being killed in the end], therefore strenghtening the earlier premise that this film aims to educate people about the existence of the Male Rape/abuse law.

Also, the reporter scene is a recycled concept which should have fallen into the depths of oblivion.

Did you notice something when the attorney explained that 15-year-old Antonio is not going to jail because he is a minor? The scriptwriter should have been careful when he tried to deliver that message. If memory serves me right, the attorney said he's not going to jail and will JUST be placed under the care of the Department of Social and Welfare Services (DSWD). Nothing wrong with that but I felt that it could have been more effective if he said that the DSWD takes care of minors who were involved in crimes, instead of sending out a message that they're not going to hit the slammer just because they're young and stupid.

And there was a scene where Antonio's mother was explaining that any sexual involvement with a minor is considered rape under the constitution. While I do not know if this is accurate, how do you explain the use of a 15-year-old actor in a movie that involves a lot of sexual scenes, crotch-grabbing and male-to-male kissing? Is the movie attacking itself in the process? While it was purely acting, how do you think does a 15-year-old actor think of himself now after the scenes that he's done?

I guess the question is how old is Kenjie Garcia?

KAI RECOMMENDS

Despite its flaws, I still recommend that you watch Ang Lihim ni Antonio simply because I know that some time in the past, we all had similar experiences. We were all abused and used at one time. It's a good way to reflect and remind us of how much we've changed since it happened.

Related post: The Awful Truth

Great Expectations - LAST page

2008-02-11T13:39:00.000+08:00

He kept whispering in my ear:

I love you Kai... I really do.

But that just doesn't cut it. I was pinned down for probably the nth time since we started this sexual play and I was now being forced to give something I am not willing to give.

In certain societies, old and existing ones, forcibly penetrating another man is some form of powergrabbing. It makes the bottom embarrass himself, take away his soul and dignity, while the top gains power and bragging rites over taking the other's 'manhood'.

This was on my mind while my face was pressed against one pillow, and my underwear was being taken away from me. I've never felt so violated while my butt is exposed, this time to someone I thought I could trust. I was filled with shame and anger and I was fighting back but I simply couldn't.

It was useless. Victor was stronger. I surrendered to his sexual hunger. With every thrust came an unbelievable kind of pain I have never felt in my entire life, which weakened my legs, arms, and even my brain. I imagine my eyes rolling. I was breathing heavily, this time not able to speak. I only moaned, not in pleasure but in pain. I hated every minute of it.

I couldn't remember half of what happened that night. What I do remember was that I tried to escape from the sight of a hungry man behind me, I was looking at the magazine rack we made when we were kids. I imagined us playing Lego pirates in the tub. I remembered how we tease each other, fight, then forget about everything the next day. I remember how it ended the first time. Maybe it was time to end it once again.... once and for all.

A couple of condom packs fell on the floor. After about an hour, I was lying on the bed, unable to move. He went to the bathroom. I struggled to stand up but I couldn't.

'Are you okay?' He had the audacity to ask.
'Get the fuck out here. NOW.'

A few words were exchanged but none will ever be remembered. The next day, the rack disappeared on the face of the Earth and so did our short-lived relationship that caused me pain and regret that I hoped I'd never experience ever again.

Phone numbers were changed. I moved to a different place. In a short period of time, Victor was completely out of my life. I haven't exactly figured out if it was what I wanted.

A few months later, a note was forwarded to my new address. It was from Victor.

'Kai,

I did something bad. Bad. Bad. It's time to make things right.
No amount of words can ever make up for the things I did.
But please know that I am truly sorry. I didn't realize I went
too far and hurt you. I didn't mean to. Please let me love you
again and let me make it up to you.'

He left his cellphone number saying he knew I've erased it but he would appreciate at least an acknowledgment of the note.

'Vik,

I don't think it was your fault. I was just the unfortunate person who was able to help you discover what you really wanted. I'm glad to have helped you, if I did. I had great expectations for our relationship but I realized that was an early mistake I did. I expected too much from you. When the time has come that you finally realized what I am to you, let me know. For now, I wish you the best. This will be the last message you will receive from me. I expect you to do the same.

Please don't let that last expectation be another false one.'

-THE END-

NOTE: Thanks to those who followed this story. I appreciate all your emails and comments. There's more to come.

BlogBreak: Watch 'Sikil'

2008-01-29T18:12:00.000+08:00

I'm on a blogging break. Meanwhile, I recommend that you watch Sikil. I just saw the film. Cheesy lines and not-so-good acting but hey, this happens in real life. Some PLUs really struggle in their own unusual situations in life. Be part of the drama. Sikil is still being shown at Robinsons Place Ermita.

Also, Don't forget to catch Roxxxanne on February 2 at Robinsons Galleria IndieSine.

For more info on the movie and the actors (hawtness Janvier Daily and Jay Aquitana), go to the Director's blog.

Great Expectations Page 7 - The Biggest Problem

2008-01-14T13:19:00.000+08:00

Perhaps the biggest problem I was faced with was the fact that he is one horny human being. I figured that this may be because I let him have the taste of gay sex and he enjoyed it so well, now he can't get enough of it. But the most exciting part is, he would only do it with me. So I am in control.

Or am I really in control?

With everything that happened and how fast they transpired, we forgot to gather the most basic information in a gay man's blackbook:

ASL

Looks

Top or Bottom

I thought I could just deal with this later. He loves the way I suck his cock anyway. He cums three times at most every time we do it. I am pretty sure he's content with that. I was sure until now.

One time, we got so horny after drinking his favorite wine. I put on my favorite porn and we started kissing. I kissed his lips, then went down to his jaws, his neck, his shoulders, his chest, his nipples. I love licking those cute pinkish nipples while he moans in pleasure. He kept asking for more so I did a little tongue action and be the obedient partner that I always have been.

Then he suddenly stood up. He took off his pants as I took off mine. I knelt in front of him but he pulled me up and pushed me to the bed. He asked me to turn around and he started licking my back for the first time. Then he kissed my neck, my ears and then licked my back once again.

But this time he seemed distracted. He was doing something else. And when I turned to see what he was doing, I saw him struggling to open a pack of condoms.

NO.

I motioned for him to stop but he was too strong. He pinned me down but I fought back. And he whispered those sweet words to my ears:

'I love you Kai.'

'Viktor, I-I'm top.'

'I love you Kai. I love you Kai.'

'Sweetie... I swear I don't get..'

I heard a snap which was probably his cock in the condom he just put on. I felt the rubber slide through my skin, on one of the butt cheeks. He was trying to find the hole but he couldn't.

'Viktor, I swear I can't.'

'I love you Kai! I wanna fuck you.'

'I love you too baby but you can't. I'm...'

'SHUT THE FUCK UP!'

He sat down and felt the hole using his fingers. I tried to get out but he was just too strong. I threw pillow at him but he was sitting there, just busy trying to get a good look at where he will put his huge cock.

'STOP Viktor. Okay? I'm serious.'

But he wouldn't. He became a little more violent, pushing my back and using the pillow I threw at him to pin me down even more. I started yelling, 'Stop! Stop!'

Oh my goodness, what did I get myself into.

(The last page is coming very soon)

Great Expectations - Page 7 - continued

2008-01-06T21:39:00.000+08:00

Problem # 2

Perhaps one of the biggest joys of being single is being able to move around, do whatever you want without anyone restraining you from anything. This is one of the most common arguments that Viktor and I normally have. Sometimes, he acts as if we already got married; that he's Donald Trump and I'm his Melania; that I need to act in a certain way that wouldn't hurt his 'reputation'.

So he constantly reminded me to take [full] control of my hands when I move them. He always asked me to turn down the volume of my iPod when I am Madonna or Mariah Carey on it. He asked me to be conscious of my overuse of gay lingo such as 'chuva' or basically mentioning anything that would give them a hint that I am gay.

'Viktor, times have changed.'
'Yes, but people haven't.'
'Yes they have!'
'Fine, do whatever you want...'

At times that would sound like a threat, like I can do whatever I want as long as I keep my distance from him. But every so often, I would let my guard down, I would surrender to his shallow requests and command such painful control over my actions in public.

Heck, I've even been dragged to his gym to look 'more manly'.

Yes. It's a painful process. But what hurts even more is the ambiguity of our so-called relationship. When asked, he would often get mad. So I figured that talking about two men's relationship would amount to a violation equal to an un-manly wink or an uncontrollable, 'faggoty' laugh.

I hated every moment of it. Everything I wanted in a relationship hasn't happened yet. And no matter how hard I tried to detach myself, he would always find ways to make me come back wanting more of his unreasonable requests... more of rules and vision of how a gay relationship is supposed to operate.

Great Expectations - Page 7 - Relationship Problems

2007-12-21T18:54:00.000+08:00

Everything seemed perfect. I've got a hot guy whom I can be intimate with (only behind closed doors) and he is totally cool with it. My career has never been more exciting. I'm on top of my game. For the first time, I will be celebrating Christmas as someone's partner, 'other half'.... BOYFRIEND. And although he told me many times that he hates being called that, I secretly kept standing in front of the mirror every morning, giving myself a pat on the back saying, 'You picked well kid!'

But sex is sex and straight boys will be, well, boys.

He slept in my apartment one night because we got pretty drunk after watching porn. Apparently, one of the things he started enjoying is me imitating whatever the Corbin Fisher boys are doing in the videos. He liked it if we play a bit, if I kiss him on his cheeks, rub his dick on my face, poke my ass with it, ask me to kiss it, until I decide to devour his entire meat.

Problem #1

One thing I tried new since we started seeing each other is the (almost) daily dose of his huge cock. As I've said in the past, I am not really fond of cocks. I don't enjoy blow jobs. I think it's so boring to give someone a head. It also gives you a stiff neck especially if the guy you're giving one to pulls off a one-hour stint.

to be continued.......

Great Expectations Page 6

2007-12-16T19:14:00.000+08:00

++ My apologies for not being able to post entries lately. I've been busy celebrating the second anniversary of my blog and decided to take a break. And now, the story continues... ++

+LHAA+

Victor and I became constant buddies since he apologised to me. It was an apology that was very hard for me to accept but I did. Why? Because I really like this person and he sounded very sincere when he said it. I really thought he meant it. So, after he said it, we laid out some rules for our newfound 'relationship'.

That's one thing though. We didn't really define this as a 'relationship'. We still fall under the standards of friends with benefits... also known as FUBU - Fuck Buddies.

'Don't call me that.' He said.

'Alright. Fuck mate?' I joked.

'Stop it. I mean it.'

'So, what do I call you?'

'You don't have to call me anything. Just... act normal.'

'So you expect me to call you..... DUDE?'

'Yeah.'

'Okay, wanna fuck DUDE?

'Fuck you.'

'Not today.'

'Grrrr...'

I was more than relieved to hear that he had issues with calling me his FUBU. For one, we haven't really 'fucked', I'm still thinking about that. And there is no such thing as a SUBU - Suck Buddy. So I had to settle with 'dude'.

Being in this kind of relationship can be very difficult. I had to act normal - meaning I have to like NBA Live and act like I want to lick some girl's tits. He was so conscious about us looking like we're a couple so he constantly kept his distance and gave me a daunting look whenever I was becoming a little too touchy and sweet.

Yes, it is hard. But I still played the game. On Saturdays, he would drop by after work to get his regular dose of what would later be called the powersuck. I love the fact that he enjoys my smart tongue maneuvers that I've researched over the past few weeks, thanks to Corbin Fisher and the Horny Monks (email me on how to get these videos). I like it when he calls out my name and says 'Ahhhhh Kai! Shit! Ahhhh! I love it...'

One night, he told me he was kinda horny because he watched some soft porno movie in which the lead actress is someone he had a major crush on. He asked if he could drop by to see me. That was usually my queue that he wants to get his freak on.

But on that particular night, something truly amazing happened.

'Hey.... uhm.... DUDE!'

'You sound uncomfortable calling me that.'

'That's because this DUDE has been licking your balls?'

'Hushhhhhhh.... Can't you wait until I get in? The neighbors might hear you..'

'Okay sure... CUM in please!'

We went through the usual routine. I asked how his day was and he asked me the same question. I ordered Chinese take-out, which arrived 30 minutes later, I had champagne. He wanted orange juice. A little more small talk. Laughed a little.

'Thanks.'

'For what?' I was thinking it was the food.

'For this. You hanging out with me after I acted like a jerk.'

'That was weeks ago. You keep bringing it back.'

'I guess I'm just grateful that I got in touch with you again.'

'I know. I'm happy right now.'

'Yeah me too.'

I raised an eyebrow.

'You are?'

'Yeah, I really am. Here. With you.'

I stood up and got more drinks for myself. That was lovely to hear. I wish it came from his heart. Apparently, the champagne came at the right time. But of course, I was cautious. I controlled my feelings and pretended that I didn't care.

'You really... didn't have to say that just to get laid.'

'Who says I wanted to get laid?'

'Isn't that why you're here?'

I got a little nervous. I was not prepared for the inevitable 'yes'.

'I knew you'd say that.'

'Well, it's true isn't it? But don't worry, I'm okay with it.

'Kai ...'

'I'm just happy with this. Don't change the channel.'

'Kai... I--I'

'I'm totally cool with..'

And before I could finish, he gave me a big, sweet kiss on my lips. For a moment, I was speechless.

And then the next minute, I was in ecstasy.

LHAA TURNS 2 =) Thanks to you!

2007-12-08T12:06:00.000+08:00

Wow.... time truly flies while you're having a lot of fun. I didn't realize until yesterday that this blog, MY blog, is now 2 years old. I signed up for the original Bravenet site on 8 December 05 and wrote my very first entry on 10 December. If you have time, please go back to the archives and tell me what you think.

Thank you my dear readers! I know I don't update as much as the other bloggers but rest assured that I will continue to write more interesting and exciting stuff for you.

Cheers to Lows, Highs, and Alibis YEAR 3!

Great Expectations - page 5

2007-11-22T15:48:00.000+08:00

Of course, he came back but not until 5 days after what happened to us. When he dropped by, it was too quick. He said, 'I forgot something.' and I handed him his phone. He immediately took off. He came back, after sending a quick text, and then we just found ourselves in the same couch, with me devouring his packed meat while he was enjoying the feeling of having his dick sucked.

It happened not just once, twice, nor thrice. It happened almost everyday after workout. He'd insist on giving me a ride home. To compensate his 'effort', I'd suck his dick until he cums...

One time, we had a minor fight over where he should cum. I feel violated, somehow, when someone cums on my face or my mouth, especially without asking my permission. So when he gives me that look that his balls are about to burst in cum, I immediately take it out of my mouth and grab a towel for him. He resisted, pulling my head closer to his cock, expecting me to follow whatever it is he wanted me to do. I refused, asking him for a little respect, which he eventually denied. He walked out that night and I expected that that was the end of out short-lived affair.

I realized I spoke too soon when he talked to me at the gym one time.

'Hi.'
I just nodded.
'How have you been?'
I didn't answer the question and pretended I was panting. I was on the treadmill.
'I'm a jerk, you know?'
'Yes, you are.'
'I'm sorry.'
I was silent.
'I said I'm sorry.'

The treadmill stopped after my 30-minute scheduled cardio. I was panting, sweating. I refused to look at his face because I don't know what to say or what to do or how to react.

'Kai, I don't know what's happening right now. I don't know what's been happening... you know what I mean. But I'm sorry...'

And right then, I pretended to tie my shoelaces, looked up and whispered something to myself...

'Oh crap.'

Great Expectations - page 4

2007-11-11T18:18:00.000+08:00

Days passed before I had the courage to text Victor. There were so many things I wanted to tell him. First of all, I wanted to apologize for what happened, even though I thought there was nothing to apologize for. He never showed any kind of resistance while I was sucking his cock. He even seemed to enjoy what he was getting.

But I had to accept the fact that I did take advantage of him. He was drunk and helpless and he only got sober and reenergized after realizing what had happened--after he came on my face and chest. It was a moment I anticipated but I was also afraid of what would ensue. Will he hate me? Will he even talk to me about it?

After several 7 call attempts and several unanswered text messages, I surrendered to the fact that I may never see him again. Or that I may never even get to talk to him about what happened...

..that is until he showed up at my apartment at 2 am on a Thursday.

'Hi...' I was nervous. He just stood there, looking at me.
'Mm..' He didn't say a word. He mumbled something I couldn't understand.

I asked him to come inside. I was ready for the whole talk and I was also ready to face the fact that I might get beaten by an angry straight guy that night.

'Do--you want anything? Beer? Juice? Cola....I--'
'Beer. Yeah, beer.'

I grabbed two bottles. We sat on the couch. He kept staring at my TV, trying to avoid looking at me. I didn't know how to start the conversation.

'Listen... I..'
'What the fuck was that about?'
'I know... I know... I shouldn't have.. I know..'
'What do you mean?'
'I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. I'm REALLY sorry Victor.. I didn't..'
'Of course..'
'No, no. I don't know what to say. I mean you can punch me in the face right now, you can hurt me or something I'm so sorry Victor.'

He then stood up, drank from his bottle before he put it on the center table. He had an angry look on his face so I braced myself for what was about to happen. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, anticipating a painful hit on my cheeks or jaws, or worse, a perfect black eye on my face.

'Victor, I'm telling you man, I'm...I'm really'

Before I could finish, he unbuttoned his pants and out came his big cock. It was already hard and was hungry to be sucked. Wait, did he want me to put it in his mouth? Was I dreaming?

He pulled my head to his crotch and then, I started sucking him, slowly, then I went faster. He bent his knees in pleasure but he tried not to moan. He was trying to resist the feeling of having a tongue play with his foreskin and head and the shaft. You can see it on his face that he was forcing himself to hide the satisfaction it gives him. He got the bottle of beer and sat down.

I asked him to spread his legs. I pulled his pants off and his underwear came after. His balls here on my mouth, one at a time, something I never did the first time I sucked him. He was now moaning. I licked the thin skin surrounding his cock, which he seemed to enjoy.

And as a final maneuver, I sucked is cock, slowly, as if separating the meat in segments. First the head, then a small part came in, and another, and another, and another, until his entire manhood was resting in my mouth, with my tongue trying to add some excitement.

For the first time, I allowed someone to cum in my mouth. I didn't swallow though, I rushed to the bathroom to spit his cum out.

By the time I was done gargling with Bactidol and some other mouthwash, he was gone. He left in haste that he dropped his cellphone on the couch.

What now?

Vote for Me!

2007-11-07T03:43:00.000+08:00

Well, what do you know? Our dear friend from Hush and Listen was kind enough to have us as a finalist for the G*Spot Weblogs Awards!

I don't expect to win (given the fact that big names are also on the list of nominees) but if you appreciate what I've written so far, what I've shared, perhaps you can take a few moments to vote for me.

Click here and scroll down a bit. The voting portion will be on the right portion of the site. Thanks for your support!

Great Expectations - page 3

2007-10-30T09:34:00.000+08:00

When he said he reached a 'point', I instantly saw an opportunity. Does this mean he is gay? Is he trying to send me a message? I tried to probe further, ask more questions but he avoided them. He must have thought that it's becoming too obvious... again assuming that he is hiding something from me.

The more we spent time with each other, the more I fell in love with Victor. It was almost like a time machine, bringing us back to when we were little boys, with me trying so hard to catch up with his 'manly' activities while he makes fun of me. We went to the arcade to play games almost everyday like we used to. We even played basketball under the scorching heat of the sun. It was the only time I saw him without his shirt on since grade school.

I decided to make a quick move. I consulted my friends and they all said one thing:

'The best way to know to get the guy drunk.'
'I'm not sure he drinks. He's a health buff.'
'Health buffs drink red wine, don't they?'
'Uhm... but not too much that they'll get drunk I think.'
'You're too damn slow. If it were us, we'd be sharing stories about the guy by now.'

And he was right. So one night, I asked him to come over for some movies. I told him I still have some old pictures that I wanted to show him.

'You wanna see yourself in those hideous shorts?'
'Yeah!'

The bad: He doesn't drink beer. The good: he preferred something stronger. Damn! Things are going so well I couldn't believe it. He asked for vodka, Bailey's and some margarita mix. Somehow, he made a strange mix that wasn't as good as he expected, but definitely made us drunk in a New York minute.

'You remember the time we jacked off...'
'Yeah top floor. I won... best cum shot.'
'Haha! And I won...'
'The fastest cummer in the world.'
'Damn, somehow I wish I never got that title.'
'Why is that?'
'Cause now we know better--cumming fast isn't as nice as we used to think.'

We were laughing hard. He took off his shirt because he was sweating like crazy.

'Do you mind?'
'Not at all..' I grinned.
'Daniel won the other award.'
'Yeah, the biggest balls award?'
'No, he had the biggest cock.'
'Oh... did he?' I tried to remember.
'Yeah...' He sighed. 'Damn that was huge.'

This is it. We're getting there. I just need to set the mood so he can relax more. He was then very drunk. We were on the couch. He suddenly decided to lie down and rest for a while.

'You want me to help you relax?'
'How?'

I unbuttoned his shorts and went for the zipper. He tried to stop me.

'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, KAI?'

But I didn't stop. He was helpless. Though he was trying to resist, I was able to pull his shorts down. I started grabbing his cock, which was then very soft. And behind his thin, black boxer brief, I tried to locate it with my wet mouth. He pushed me one time but I held his hand.

He was slowly having a hard on. Something I didn't expect. He kept mumbling something but before he could finish his sentence, I put his cock in my mouth, enjoyed the entire meat that I've always wanted to taste all these years. It was great. It was hard. It was packed with all the goodness that is Victor.

Again, it reminded me of the times we spent in the pool. The number of times we saw each other naked. The times I just sat there looking at his beautiful body, his beautiful cock. The times when I saw him flex every muscle and show me every inch of his manhood, pretending I didn't care or that I didn't mind while I secretly masturbated inside my head.

I sucked him, slowly, beginning with the head, going down slowly, making sure I put every inch of his thick cock in my mouth. It was bliss. And with every deep throat his knees jerked and he moaned like he liked it. I went fot his balls. Put each one in my mouth. And with every touch of my slippery tongue, he yelled, 'No! No!' It made me even more excited. I quickly returned to my first move. The second. The third. Until he screamed he was cumming.

And cum he did. I wiped his cum off my chest and face. I tried to clean him up but he suddenly, he regained strength. He sat on the couch while I was holding the towel, kneeling down in front of him. We exchanged stares for a minute. He had a disgusted look on his face.

The next thing I knew... he stormed out of my apartment.

Great Expectations - page 2

2007-10-21T20:40:00.000+08:00

Hitting the gym isn't really my thing. But perhaps because of my excitement to see my dear friend Victor urged me that I had to go back to his fitness center, even if it an hour away from my apartment. The trip is makes me more exhausted than the actual workout. It was only him who made it all worth it.

On my 5th visit, one thing bothered me on my way to his place. Am I slowly falling for an old friend? When we were in grade school, he was the tough guy and has always maintained that reputation. I never thought that maybe one day, he can be gay and that we would end up in each other's arms. I even forgot about him until we bumped into each other that day at the mall.

'Do you remember Mrs. Garcia?' He asked.
'Yeah, why?'
'She used to keep us apart because we always were the noisy ones in class.'

'And I always end up on top of her noisy list.'

How can I forget that class? It was our PE class. On the 2nd quarter, we took up Basketball. Since I was the tallest in the group, they rooted for me to be the center of the team. But I had zero interest in the sport. That's when my classmates started to suspect that I 'might be gay'.

Victor quickly defended me, saying I am not competent enough to take that position because I had asthma, which was true. People didn't believe him and the teasing didn't stop. He would always tell me not to mind them saying they were just disappointed because they saw me as the saving grace from the other class' center guy. Someone named Soriano.

I will never forget those days when he used to force me to spend time with him after class just to teach me how to dribble. When I was assigned to be the referee of the day, he showed me how to do all the signs for the violations. I didn't take them seriously thinking it was just some sort of practice.

The next day, Mrs. Garcia wrote down on my diary that I had to make-up for the failed practical test.

As my incompetency for the sport was getting a little more obvious every week, the rumors about my sexuality became worse. It was worse that they even thought I had a crush on Victor and that it was the reason why I spend most of my time with him. This sort of affected our friendship very badly. Victor started to avoid me, although he never admitted it. He would always say that he's going somewhere so we can't commute together. During lunch time, he would sit with the thugs of the class. When we were asked to group ourselves for a project, he
wouldn't join me and I would end up with the imbeciles or the rich homophobic assholes in class.

'I know this kind of late but..'
'Oh my birthday, forget it. I..'
'No, I--I wanted to apologize for, well--'
'--avoiding me?'
'Yeah. I mean you know how it was right?'
'I know. But I expected more from you.'
'I know. I know. I regret believing those idiots.'

Apparently, he was forced by some thug named Marco to stay away from me or he'll lose his spot in the basketball team.

'Forget it. I did.'
'Yeah, but it was a bad thing for me to do.'
'It certainly was but that was years ago. And we were just kids. Now I realize what my mom was referring to as being silly when you're a kiddie.'

Accepting his apology gave him some sort of relief, I can tell. We then moved on to other grade school stories and wondered whatever happened to the other guys in class.

'Santiago just got married.'
'No shit? When?'
'Just recently, I saw it on his Friendster.'
'Yeah, and Justin passed away.'
'Yeah I heard about that too.'
'And Carlos is now gay.'

I nearly collapsed right in front of him. Carlos Antonio is one of the scariest guys in the whole school. While he may just be 5 feet 5 inches tall, he had a group of 5th and 6th graders backing him up every time he ends up in a fight. He was a star athlete and a consistent honor student.

'I know... I had the same reaction when I heard about it.'
'But... you know that...' I gave him a stare.
'What?'
'That me... I'm..'
'Gay? Yeah. You told me.'
'Huh? I didn't?'
'You did. SOrt of.'
'When was this?'
'5th floor, art room after class. We jacked off.'
'And?'
'You kept staring at my dick.'
'I wasn't staring?'
'And you came first...'

I was surprised he knew all this time that I was gay.

'And you defended me from those assholes.'
'Because you were special.'
'Huh?'
'You're my friend.'
'Seriously... how did you find out.'

He looked at the magazine rack and stared at it.

'I don't know man. I guess when you get old and look back, you just realize things were different during those years.'

'I guess...'

'And it's much easier to find out when you've reach that point.'

'Point? What point?'

Great Expectations - page 1

2007-10-16T16:06:00.000+08:00

The first time I saw Victor naked was in our PE class. Every quarter, they change the sport. It was the third quarter of the year and we were in the locker room, getting into our swimming trunks. I remember he was the biggest in the class. Biggest and tallest. Our friends would always use the term big because he had a bigger, more muscular figure than the rest of us. He tells us that his father requires him to work for a few hours at their hardware business in Quiapo. He said he got his huge arms from lifting heavy wood and other equipments.

He was only 14 years old.

And at that time, I never had the thought that I might be secretly admiring him. After all, we were teenagers and most importantly, the best of friends.

We were both comfortable getting naked in front of each other. When we were at their place, we both went into his parent's bath tub. It was cold as hell but we didn't mind. We were both completely naked and had our lego toys in our hands. We were playing Lego Pirates in the tub while 80% of our bodies were submerged in very cold water.

Now that I've grown up and realized that I'm gay, I just thought that maybe it was one of the earliest indications of my being part of a totally different world. This is because while I never lusted for Victor at such a young age, I always joined him in his basketball practice (even though I never played basketball.) Though my parents insisted in paying for my bus ride home, I would always intentionally miss it and commute with him. And although I totally hate playing GI Joe, I played them with him anyway.

FAST FORWARD 5 years later.

Victor and I bumped into each other at the mall. I was surprised he didn't recognize me at all. He said I lost a lot of weight and my cheeks have shrunk. I told him he got more buff and I learned that his dad bought the gym a few blocks away from their house. He was asked to run the gym.

He invited me for some 'free' lessons. Of course, I said yes, for old time's sake.

We hooked up a week after. He picked me up at the same mall and we went to his gym. It was surprisingly decent-looking.I was expecting it to be just a cheap, 25-per-session type of facility with old, rusty equipments. Instead, I found shiny, brand new equipment, which he said he bought only a month before they opened. The crowd was great, you could tell. I guess they must have been young professional and students. On the left side of the cardio section, I found a picture of him which says 'Body Building Champion 2***'.

After a strenuous, two-hour workout (believe me it was very tiring), he invited me to his place--a well known condominium in Quezon City. It was like a typical bachelor's pad. I saw several trophies from the bodybuilding competitions which he joined and won. He was very impressive. The fact that he was able to mix his passion for fitness and his Bachelors and Masters degree in Business Administration really turned me on.

'Shit man, you're one successful son of a bitch.'
'Yeah, thanks to my paps.'
'Well, the degree and the muscles worked hard together I guess.'
'Haha I guess.'

He stood still, as if thinking of something.

'What?' I asked.
'I'm... wait here.'
'Okay.'

He came back with a newly-painted wooden rack which looked kinda familiar.

'Remember this?'
'Vaguely, what's that? A shoe rack?'
'Haha! Not according to you!'

That's when I remembered that it was our 4th grade project in a subject called 'Work Education'. We convinced our teacher that it was the exact magazine rack he wanted us to do. Unfortunately, his not-so-spidey senses told us it looked more like for shoes than for magazines.

We both got a failing grade.

At that point we were both hysterical. I started punching his arms. And he was trying to pull back. He kept laughing so hard he accidentally let go of the rack.

We both knelt, grabbing the rack on one side. Then we just gazed at each other's eyes. Then suddenly, we were not in his apartment. We were back to his parents' house, in the bathtub full of cold water. We were both playing Lego Pirates. We were both laughing so hard the Lego Captain 'almost drowned'. I told him he lost because his captain is dead. He pushed me and we started pushing each other. We chased each other in the room until his parents arrive to berate us for the mess we've done.

Then snap. We were back in the room.

'So much time has passed, Victor.'
'Where the fuck have you been Kai.'

He pulled the rack out of my hand. He stared at it.

'I've been waiting for you.'

Five Crazy/Sexy/Nasty Things

2007-10-07T04:32:00.000+08:00

Have you had any crazy/sexy/nasty experiences in your life? Share it with us here at Lows, Highs and Alibis. Let me start with my top 5:

1. I fucked someone in a church's restroom while the choir is rehearsing.

2. I love having sex in fire exits. There's something so exciting about them.

3. Weird: I don't fancy cocks, especially the big ones. It's either they scare me or they make me so insecure about their size.

4. I've masturbated in a moving bus from Taft Ave. to Ayala (I guess you already know which bus that is, right *wink*)

5. A few guys have tried to fuck me but to no avail. As they were about to enter me, their dicks soften like they need to pump some gas. Again, so weird.

Now it's your turn :)

PS: Someone started this I just don't know who but if you're reading this, I want you to know that I love this idea for a post.

Remembering Allen - The Final Act

2007-09-27T17:04:00.000+08:00

Of course, the whole muscleman Ron experience did not end on that steamy night arranged by Allen's friends. He became a regular that he sort of treated him as 'the boyfriend he never had'. The great thing about him, according to Allen, is that he is not just his sexual toy. He can definitely carry a conversation and can meet up with him without having to end up in bed by sunset.

In fact, he is proud of the fact that they've had sex only 9 times, something that his friends are surprised about since he would usually share not his limited experience in sex, but the supposed surplus of men in his life. But on that particular lunch with his friends, he thanked them for letting him shake of the trauma caused by the sad experience with that young man from the mall.

It was Tuesday.

The next day, he had lunch with Ron. They talked about the last time they had sex. He told him he enjoys being with him. He likes his biceps. He likes sucking his cock. He likes eating his cum. He likes him pumping life into his bottom. He likes licking his nipples. He likes kissing him. He likes rimming him. He likes it when he does his push-ups in front of him.

He was basically in love with the guy.

There was, however, one problem which worries his friend. Every time he meets up with him, he has to pay him a generous amount. His friends think that it's such an unnecessary expense.

'One rule is that you don't fall in love with these kinds of men. They're fucking paid to make you fall in love with them! Make a clear distinction between these two: a great Fuck is sadly just that. Nothing more, nothing less.' This was the warning given by his friend Chit on the night when he introduced Allen to hookerville.

Still, Allen dated Ron, saying that there's no harm in having to pay to have a lot of fun. 'If he is indeed acting, then think of it as me buying some porn. Only this one's unbelievably much, much better.' He said.

Chit called him up to ask if he wanted to go shopping. He figured that spending more time with his friend would make him forget about wasting his money on the man whore. Somehow, he felt responsible for what happened to Allen. He is just so out of it lately. He has been ignoring his friends, ditching work, and declines many offers all because he had to spend more time with muscleman Ron.

He didn't pick up the phone. He realized he must still be mad at him. He gave it a couple of days and told himself that he should talk to Allen after that.

It was a Thursday.

On Friday, Allen was excited to see Ron again. He said he was going to try something new. He was going to bring his two friends as a gift for their 4th month together. When he arrived, he was with two younger boys. One wore a red FUBU cap. He was slim and shorter than Ron. the other has similar body structure as Ron's. He said he spends more time in the gym lately. Later, he found out their names were Jett and Kiko.

After a few rounds of steamy sex, they decided to rest to discuss the price.

'I thought you said this was a gift?'
'Did I?'
'Yeah, I don't have money right now.'
'Then maybe you should get some from the ATM.'
'I'm tired. Can I just give it to you tomorrow?'
'Hell no! My friends can't wait. They've ditched their regulars for you!'
'I didn't ask for this. Come on...'

Ron walked out. He could hear them talking outside the room, probably apologising to his friends for not being able to pay them.

When he came back, he looked really disappointed.

+++++

Chit finally decided to pay him a visit. After fifteen unanswered phone calls and several text messages, he decided to end the cold war between him and his good friend. He told himself that this man will not destroy their friendship. He went to his place in Cityland in Makati, with the spare key to his apartment. He asked him to keep it for emergency purposes.

He knocked thrice. No answer. When he opened the door, he was shocked to see blood all over the floor. He looked for Allen and found his dead body drowning in his own blood in the tub. His blood was used to write the word Faggot on his bathroom wall and mirror. He yelled for help but it was too late.

After a careful investigation by the police, they concluded that robbery was the motive because the following items are missing:

15" black Macbook
1 Acer laptop
2 Rolex watches
estimated 30,000 pesos in cash
2ATM cards
6 credit cards
3 pairs of shoes

According to the building's security office, the men were seen in a recorded video leaving the building with several items. They were covering their faces with white towels and 'they looked like they just got out of the shower.'

The case, unfortunately is still open.

Muscleman Ronald is still at large. So are his two friends.

RIP
Allen P.
1971-2006

Remembering Allen - The Second Act

2007-09-23T09:03:00.000+08:00

Allen was clearly pissed. And as he saw his wallet being thrown by Lito, he saw his cards fall with it. He instantly thought of his driver's license, Social Security ID, his spare cash hidden somewhere in his wallet. He saw Lito stopped, probably still counting the money. He just withdrew cash before they left the mall because he was expecting to have a very long night and probably the next morning spent with the gorgeous young lad.

He felt anger, frustration, hate, embarrassment, and fear. But he suddenly snapped back to perspective. He stepped on the gas. Lito panicked as he saw his car. He probably thought he was going to run over him. But Allen knew better. Even before he could get any closer to where Lito was standing, he stopped. He got out of the car. They stared at each other.

He yelled at Lito, 'Coward!'

Then he went to that the other side of the car to pick up his wallet, his cards, and some pieces of papers that also fell from it.

+++

6 months later...

Allen still hasn't gotten laid. His last encounter still haunted him. Two months ago, he agreed to join an orgy, thinking it would be safer since there were supposed to be more than 10 participants. He backed out the last minute after he saw a family friend's son at the meeting place.

His friends tried to make him feel more comfortable. They were eager to help him get over what happened to him. So on his birthday, they brought a big, muscled guy to his apartment. He didn't have to worry about dues as the guy has been paid. He didn't have to think about his safety because his friends will be staying in the living room while muscle man Ronald is fucking him.

He felt comfortable. And who can refuse to have sex with a man who looks like a local celebrity with the body of Carlos Agassi. He obviously works out, probably 3 hours a day. His arms were bigger that his. And most importantly, Ron didn't have any inhibitions. He was very comfortable when he kissed him while being introduced. When they went into his room, he fixed his room.

'We don't want stains on your sheets.' He whispered then kissed his shoulder.

He knows how foreplay is done well. At first Allen was scared when he pulled out a long ribbon and tied his hands to his bed. He yelled out his friends' names but Ron covered his mouth.

'Hey, calm down. I'm not going to kill you.'

He gave him a nice, big kiss. He then understood what he meant. He kissed his neck, licked his ears and the back of it...something he's never experienced before. Ron asked him if it was his first time to be with a man. He laughed saying it definitely isn't but it was the first time he enjoyed being with one.

It seemed to have given Ron more energy in doing his job. He didn't stop until he licked every part of Allen's body. He licked each toe, sucked them while touching himself. It gave Al an unexpected level of pleasure that he came without warning. They both laughed. Al told him to get the towel but Ron had a better idea.

He first released Allen from the bed. He let him lean against the wall while sitting down. Then he licked the cum off his chest. Al was shocked! He swallowed it, wiped the rest of it with his forefinger and put it in his mouth.

'Hmmm... sweet.' He said.

Suddenly he turned into an animal. He put on an angry face and asked him to turn around. He went for the condom on the side table. He put it on, spat on his covered dick for lubrication.

'I have KY jelly in my...' But he didn't let him finish. He put his dick in his ass and pounded heavily. He asked him to stand while he was still inside him. They went to the terrace and he fucked him there. He was careful not to scream as his neighbors might hear him but it was Ron who was making noises. It's either he's enjoying what he was doing or he's a great actor.

They went around the room, the bathroom, the tub, the shower. They fucked for at least four hours that night. Outside, only his friend Chit was left. The others left after realizing that the session with muscled man Ronald might be a long one after all.

They were done by 3AM. Ron was still asking for more, after cumming 6 times. It was Allen who called it a night. He thanked him and asked for his number.

'I'll give you mine if you give me yours.' He smiled.
'OF course.'

He gave him a tip, because he thought he really deserved it. He politely declined saying it wasn't part of the deal. He said he would be glad to accept it on their next encounter. Allen agreed.

And there was a second, fourth, seventh and tenth.

It stopped after the tenth.

Remembering Allen - The First Act

2007-09-20T17:30:00.000+08:00

You can't say that Allen is a typical gay guy. He doesn't have gay friends. He feels uncomfortable being around flamboyant gays. He doesn't understand gayspeak. He feels terrible when men kiss in front of him. He is as discreet as a corrupt politician trying to hide his questionable wealth.

Allen is in his mid 30's. He realized he's gay only about three years ago, after his wife caught him getting cozy with their neighbor [She eventually divorced him.] Though his divorce was obviously a sign of his much-awaited prison break from the closeted gay guy's world, he preferred to keep everything a secret, meeting guys through online dating sites and messengers and several chatrooms, inviting them to his place or somewhere private like a motel or hotel, just to fulfill his desires and need to be with a man.

On a rainy, Wednesday afternoon, he picked up a guy in a restroom in a cheap mall. Introductions were done, numbers were exchanged. But Allen didn't think he would let this one pass. He invited the guy to a motel. The guy gave him a price, saying he doesn't have sex with guys without anything in return. The guy, whose name was Lito, apologized for giving his straightforward proposal, saying he needed the money and he doesn't care how to get it.

Allen seemed to have admired the honesty of Lito. So after fifteen minutes of flirting, inquiring about sizes and sharing perversions, he decided to leave with Lito, in his 2006 BMX X3 SUV. He felt comfortable with Lito since he is also very discreet. One couldn't say they were about to have sex that day. Together, you would think they're just friends or colleagues.

They went into a motel in Pasig ,which boasts a feature other motels do not have: sound-proof walls. Allen instantly thought of all his fantasies coming to life. He was ecstatic. He just couldn't wait.

Funny thing, they were in room 169, a number Allen really loved because it reminds him of his favorite sexual position. Upon arriving, Lito quickly took off his clothes, starting with his shirt. As he was about to take off his boxers, Allen said 'Leave those.' And so he did.

It was quite evident that Lito is not a male prostitute. He kept looking around like he's never been to a motel. And as he licked his right nipple, enjoying the tender, pinkish areola until it hardens a bit, he felt his heart beat faster by the minute.

'Nervous?'
'A bit.'
'So you really don't do this very often.'
He nodded.
'Me neither.'

For a while, it helped Lito to calm down. But it wasn't long before his heartbeat raced again, this time due to sheer excitement caused by Allen's tongue toying with the shaft of his hard dick. He licked both nipples, his washboard abs, every muscle, as if tracing each meandering course of the river of muscles. He looked at him to see his reaction. He seemed like he was enjoying it. He went for his cock, which surprisingly was long, hard and uncut.

He quickly maneuvered his tongue to give Lito the kind of pleasure he would never forget. He suddenly yelled, 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' Allen stopped him, saying it was too soon.

It was only then that he took off his briefs and bent over.

'I don't fuck.'
'Yes you do.'
'I don't. Really.'

He believed him. He tried to bribe him by offering more money but he looked scared and tired. Maybe he didn't really want to be here. Not in this motel room. Not with me. Not with any other man. He finished him off with a hand job. He gave him what was promised and more as a tip. He kept his number. Allen wasn't sure Lito saved his.

He requested that Allen drop him off a gas station near his place. He drove to a place there was an unknown gas station at the street. He wasn't even sure if the gas station was still open or not. He stopped and said goodbye to the young man. But he still didn't leave. He stayed for two minutes.

'I'm sorry I didn't fuck you back there.'
'That's okay. I totally understand.'
'You gave me a lot of money, I think you deserve it.'
'No, it's okay. YOU deserved it.'
'Listen, my folks are not at home and my room's in the old garage. We can stay and I can fuck you there.'
'Where to?'

'He turned left. Then right. Turned right again. Another right turn. Then left, until they reached a dead end. Allen pointed to a old, dark house with a big garage to his right.

'So, this is where you'll fuck me all night?'

Lito didn't answer. Instead, he pulled out a knife and pointed it at him.

'Give me your wallet.'
'Hey calm down. I gave--'
'Give me your fucking wallet you faggot!'
'Hey easy man! I will if you...'
'SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GIVE ME MY MONEY!'

He pulled out his wallet and threw it at him.

'I'm sorry man. I really am. I'm not gay. I'm not your guy.'

He got off the car and walked right away. Allen was still stunned. He was still trying to understand what just happened. He looked as the mirror and he could still see him walking, counting the money he found in his wallet.

He turned the car around and stopped. He wondered why Lito has done this to him, the sweet innocent man.

He watched as he slowly walked away. He was surprised he didn't run or call a cab right away. He was just walking. And as he threw Allen's wallet away, he was infuriated. He stepped on the gas and looked straight at Lito's beautiful ass.

'Why me you prick?' He asked.

3sum should be 3Cum (Continued)

2007-09-15T19:05:00.000+08:00

The last time (as of this writing) I engaged in a threesome was about five months ago in Cebu City. I was vacationing when I met this incredible guy named Ecko. He's half-German, half-Filipino. We met in a bar, exchanged numbers and promised we would have sex one day.

A week before I left for Manila, he texted me and asked if we could hang out and if it was okay if he brings his friend along. Since I was determined to bounce back from my failed threesomes in the past, I agreed to meet them both on one condition, the other guy has to be a bottom. Period. He said he was so they were in my hotel room in less than 30 minutes.

Ecko brought Joel, whom he met on the internet. Again, my dilemma was still a dilemma. As the host, I should be the one directing the show but when we started, it was as if I was the guest and Ecko choreographed the whole thing.

I was sucking Ecko's 7 incher, he was sucking Joel while the young visitor was just caressing my dick. I told him a couple of times to suck it. He did as told but with so much care like he had braces and was afraid he was gonna hurt me. It wasn't pleasurable at all.

Then Ecko told him to stand up. Since I wasn't done with his meat, I decided to stay. I sucked both their cocks while they started kissing. I saw Joel suck his nipples at one point. But Ecko was just so much in the moment and he enjoyed what he was having that Joel ended up being the recipient almost the entire night. He was, after all, the guest of honor.

This was of course only until I noticed my jaw hurt from too much sucking without getting anything out of it. This is what I hate about threesomes. The idea of three people having sex is quite difficult to fathom. And not all people are knowledgeable about the Book of Ethics when it comes to engaging in one. Here they are:

1. Don't be selfish.
2. Never leave anyone out.
3. Reciprocate.

Apparently, I was going to end up as the fifth wheel in this gathering. I stopped because my jaws hurt and said I will just grab some water. I went to the kitchen, thinking if I should just kick then out since this isn't going too well. However, I imagined that when I left, they would have stopped, waited until I came back, and plan things again, this time, including me in whatever activity should be done.

Unfortunately, when I opened the door, the two were STILL intensely kissing and the exchange of saliva was getting kinda gross. So I politely asked: 'Aren't you done yet? I think I want to rest.' Ecko got the message and apologised. But something tells me he was not sorry at all. He asked if he could use he bathroom. I pointed to where it was.

So I sat for five seconds, realized what a huge mistake this whole thing was. I promised myself never to join threesomes ever again, except if it's going to be with a hot model and a celebrity.

As I was thinking about this, I heard running water. They were still in the fucking bathroom! So I went out and to my surprise, they were still doing it there... in the bathroom.. of MY hotel room. That really incurred my ire so I said:

'I thought you were done here. Get the hell out of my place.'

I didn't wait for Joel to put on his shirt. They were out of the door while water was dripping from hair. Meanwhile, Ecko was trying to tell me that he forgot his cap in my room but I gave him a look that shooed him away. And then I gave them my goodbye line:

'Pathetic assholes. Can't even afford a place for a fuck. Go to hell.'

Threesomes are intense. But without an experienced guy to guide you, it can really be frustrating.

FLAMIN' AT THE MOMENT

2007-09-11T17:32:00.000+08:00

WHO ARE
YOU
CRAVING
FOR?

Kai is craving for
ERIC BANA

3Sum should be 3Cum pt. 1

2007-09-09T09:02:00.000+08:00

I don't remember how many threesomes I've been invited to. The first invite I got was from an ex-fuckbuddy (Don). My ex-partner (Scottie) and I waiting for a ride near Shangri-La mall when we bumped into Don. He gave me a dirty look as if asking me if, after so many years of not seeing each other, I've learned new tricks in bed.

You see my first fuck buddy was also my first-ever male fuck. He brought me to a cheap motel down south. We literally walked into a dark and narrow street which served as the secret passage for horny people who don't drive cars. It was as embarassing as hell but we both wanted to get it on. Flaking was not an option.

So there he was and his usual dirty look, which brought me back to that filthy room which has a smell as pungent as an old man's piss. We fucked in bed, the bathroom, and the veranda. Three times in one night for a first male fuck is huge for me. But it turned out to be an enjoyable journey. And I'm still in it.

The next day I received a text message from him. I was surprised he even kept my number. He asked how I've been and who I was with when he saw me at the mall. He told me he finds my ex hot and he wondered if we could have one hot night together--all of us three.

I politely declined, saying I am a bit possessive even if the guy's my ex. He just left me with a message which said, 'You don't know what you're missing.'

And at that time, I was pretty sure I did.

What's there to like about threesomes? I personally believe such activity is a complicated display of assets and talents and a tight competition of people who have been with so many performances in bed that they're now ready to show it off.

What's worse is that there are a lot of questions surrounding it: How do you start a threesome? How do you choreograph the entire session? Who's top? Who's bottom? Who's eating my cum? Who's going for the ass? Who's going to have the bottom eat his piece of meat? Who's bigger? Who's better?

I always thought that aside from being a jealous asshole, I shouldn't bother myself with such ludicrous questions. Why should I when I can just have fun with only on guy, no complications, no thinking, just pure fucking.
I guess my negative stand against threesomes stems from the fact that I've never had a decent [or basically a successful] threesome in my entire life.

The first time I ever said yes was when a friend from Cebu told me that his 'hot' friend is coming over to have some fun. You see, it's one of the biggest mistakes in choosing a participant. Terms such as 'hot' and 'sexy' are subject to a person's views on beauty and sex appeal. When his friend arrived, he was nowhere near hot. In fact, he was on the end of the South Pole in my dictionary. But since it was too late to back out. I tried to improvise..make it work.

Unfortunately, trying isn't really a good idea. For one, the guy also didn't like me. I swear I didn't even get a hard on for longer than 2 minutes. So to end the drama, I excused myself and walked out of hell.

to be continued...

Hookerville pt. 3: All About Passion

2007-09-02T17:54:00.000+08:00

I have to admit that Leo's eyes were dazzling. I can't think of any other word to describe it. His stare was so sexy, you can easily fall in love with him. So why haven't I? After almost two hours, the Queen has given his whore about four blowjobs (twice, he rimmed the guy) and I was there, trying to suppress the urge to kiss the undeniably sexy guy sitting beside me.

Leo leaned forward, said a few words as if setting the mood. I closed my eyes and asked myself, 'Why would I let this opportunity pass?' I mean there he was, ready to make out with me. He's been paid so I don't have to worry about that.

But THAT was my real issue. Paying someone just to make out with me is just damn pathetic for me. I just couldn't take that off my mind.

'Then devour every inch of that man's skin, you fucker! It's like eating your Brothers Burger, only this one's more spicy.' The Queen once told me. He clearly has no issues with paying men for sex. After all, it's his only way to get laid.

'Does my breath stink?' Leo asked.
I giggled. 'No, Leo. It's fine.'
'Then I don't understand. You seem like a nice guy.'
'Yes, I am.'
'Then, what are you waiting for?'
'I-you-It's just that you guys..'
'Right. I get it. WE -- meaning I am the problem. You don't want to kiss a callboy.'
'Okay, first of all, I didn't say that. Second, aren't you supposed to say dancer instead of callboy?'
'That's not funny.'

He moved an inch away from me. He grabbed his beer bottle and sipped. He's a bit irritated, I can tell. It just confused me even more. Was he disappointed that he wasn't getting laid today or was he scared that his manager might find out that he failed to seduce a client? Either way, money was not his problem.

'You have to get over it.'
'Get over what? What?'
'All the thinking! You think too much!'
'What do you mean?'
'I know you think I'm gross but you have to give me a break. I'm just doing my job here.'
'I know. I understand that.'
'And that this is something I didn't want for me, but you already know that.'
'Yes, you told me.'
'And that you don't have to worry about anything because as soon as you get out of this room, it's as if this never happened.'
'What is it that didn't happen?'
'This asshole...'

He kissed me.... passionately... like he's kissing a girlfriend...or boyfriend...or someone he really, truly fell in love with. His lips were soft and luscious, red and not too thick. Just right. His breath was intoxicating, not because of the beer we drank, but by the passion that fuels each kiss. I kissed him back, as passionately as he did. We made out for about 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, the moaning on the other side hasn't stopped. The queen bee is now taking a bite of Mr. Reptile's nipples. He warns him not to bite them or else. Mika's guy is now fucking his man. I couldn't tell if he was enjoying it. He sure looked like he needed some pain killers. After all, Mika is a bottom and it was his first time to fuck a guy--ever. Hence the skills haven't been fully developed just yet.

Leo noticed my eyes were open. He covered them with his right hand as we kissed some more. He started massaging my crotch area as my friend down there is slowly awakening with each moment our lips locked. I am in the moment. I can feel the love. I can feel the sexiness. I can feel so much passion. Leo was really a good kisser.

And it was just that. I didn't allow myself to be carried away so I pulled back and reminded everyone of the time. It was getting late and the bar was closing.

'See, where's the harm in that?' Leo smiled. He was right. I was holding myself back that I didn't get to enjoy the moment as much as I could. 'We could have done more, you know.'

He gave me a piece of paper which has his cellphone number.

'Well, I had a great time.'
'Was I good?'
'Oh is this some sort of a customer survey?'
'Haha, no. I just want to find out if there's a chance you're coming back.'
'Well..'
'It doesn't have to be here..'
'I don't think asking me out in a gay bar is a good idea.'

He paused for a few seconds. Looked at me and smirked. He held my hand and pulled me to the other side of the street. Mika and Queen Bee were about to get on the car. Someone called out my name. But I couldn't stop. Leo's grip was too tight and he was in a hurry.

We ended up standing beside a glowing billboard of a local restaurant.

'Okay, we're here.'
'Here where?'
'Well, you said I can't ask you out in a gay bar so we're out of that wicked place and we're here.'
'And?'
'And I'd like to ask you again... would you want to watch a movie? Or do something. Not sex! Just hang out. Like a date but not a date. And not here. I'll be fully-clothed, don't worry.'

Mika called my attention. It's freezing outside and the sun is about to rise. The street lights were shut off one by one. The Queen had the look of someone wondering what the hell I was doing outside. The trick is to pack up and leave before the sun gives the people enough light to recognize us and see us leave the whore house.

I looked at Leo and whispered something to him.

I sat in the backseat. Mika was still telling The Queen about his first fuck. He was listening intently as if he's really interested. The Queen boasted off his reptile guy and Mika shot back at him saying his whore is more handsome. He was telling the truth.

'Hey Kai, how about you? What was that about--you whispering something to Leo?' Mika asked.

I smiled. Looked down. Touched my lower lip and smiled again.

'I don't know Mika. I really don't know.'

Hookerville pt. 2

2007-08-22T07:30:00.000+08:00

I forgot what the bar was called. It was probably a word derived from gay lingo. Outside, there were five hunky—and surprisingly good-looking—men who look like the security guards. I actually liked one of them. Then I noticed he was wearing an extremely small shirt—a muscle shirt. So I figured he might not be part of security after all.

We were greeted by more hunky guys on our way in. They were very courteous that I almost forgot I was entering a bar along Hookerville Avenue. We sat in front of the stage, where the men were supposed to perform. The show hasn’t started yet. A few minutes later, a bunch of guys came over, including the cute one at the parking area. Their ‘manager’ whose name was Pokie introduced each of his ‘talent’ to us. He had a nickname for each guy. Some were dancers. Some were ‘actors’. Some have no talent other than humping a rich gay’s ass.

Queen Bee picked the ugliest one, describing him as the hottest guy in the group. His taste has obviously been westernized. Usually, we would prefer fair-skinned guys, the ones who look like Brad Pitt or Ethan Hawke. Westerners on the other hand like the ‘exotic’ ones. So I guess you know what the guy looked like.

The show started with a group of drag queens dressed in funky costumes, mimicking the Spice Girls in their 1998 Video Music Awards performance. A few more impersonations were presented before the main feature of night. It started with the lights out and some sexy diva song playing. Then came out the sexy men--dressed up like blue collar workers. They’re hot. Filthy. Sweaty. They’re ready to screw with us. But wait, there’s a catch. None of them are really attractive, at least according to my dictionary.

The show lasted for about an hour. The Queen decided to thrown some money into the manager’s plate and rent a private room for the rest of the night.

‘What are we gonna need a private room for? They’re naked right in front of us?’ I asked.
‘You don’t get it do you? It’s a private room. PRIVATE. You know what that means?’

By ‘private’, he meant everything can be done BY the boys and TO the boys. The lesbians backed out because they weren’t too excited to see cocks swinging around the Queen’s happy face. They went home after he paid for the room. I was forced to stay with the Queen and another friend, who was also curious as to what happens behind the closed doors of the bar.

I was surprised that there were three men who joined us. Earlier, there was only one guy sitting with the Queen, caressing his hips while he touches his dick. When I got into the room, there were three men, this time in their underwear, dancing around the Queen.

‘You!’ He pointed to the guy with the big arms. ‘Stay with him. He needs to loosen up tonight.’
‘Oh no, geez no. I’m...I’m alright.’

But before I could run away, the guy, whose name was Leo, closed the door behind me and locked it. He gave me a seductive look and held my hand and pulled me to the sofa.

‘Do you want anything to drink.’
‘Ah yeah, if you have a margarita that would be fine.’
He giggled. ‘Margarita? You’re not in a straight bar.’
‘Right, I figured. So what’s safe to drink?’
‘When I asked you what you wanna have I asked what brand of beer you prefer.’
‘Oh, San Mig light please.’

I was shocked that these guys had some sense of humor. I thought it was all suck and fuck. The more I talked to Leo, the more I learned about their job and how difficult it is.

‘I’m lucky to be with you tonight.’
‘Oh yeah? Is that your script or spiel or what do you call it?’
‘Haha! You’re mean. I don’t tell each customer that I’m lucky to be with them.’
‘Yeah, I bet you just tell maybe 80% of them.’

What’s going on here? Earlier, I almost despised these guys—though I acknowledged the fact that they have undeniably hot bodies. Now I’m actually having a conversation with one of them. The one who just fell on his back while attempting to do a back flip with boots and a jockstrap on.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, someone was already moaning. The queen was administering fellatio on Mr. Reptile. Mika, my other friend who stayed, was kissing the cute guy.

‘Looks like we’re the only ones left idle in this room.’
‘Uhm, Why don’t you go get me more beer.’
‘Now? You’re not done with that one yet!’ He pointed to my bottle which was half-full.
‘Well, it’s not cold anymore.’

‘ You see, prices are tripled when you rent a private room.’
‘Oh yeah?’
‘Yes.’
‘Aren’t you supposed to NOT tell me that.’
‘Haha, yeah.’

The moaning continued and this time, it seemed like someone’s about to cum. I couldn’t figure out if it was Mika’s guy or the Queen’s male whore. Leo was blocking my view and all I could see was an arm waving in excitement as his dick dives into somebody’s throat. He moaned some more. I heard more moaning. A scream. More moaning.

‘You like that?’ The Queen finally spoke.
‘Yeah, do it again.’

While they talked about how the whore wants him to do it—going in circles while playing with his tongue around the shaft of his dick—I still hear someone moaning. Apparently, Mika was getting a blowjob from the cute guy.

‘Holy shit.’
‘What?’
‘Mika’s getting a blowjob from that guy. Shit. The lesbians should have stayed a little longer!’
‘Oh right.’
‘I didn’t know you guys do that too.’
‘Well, it’s a private room. We can do whatever you want us to do.’
‘Shit.’
‘Oh, did you want... here...’

He knelt before me and tried to open my zipper. I refused saying I don’t want him to do me in front of my friends. Suddenly, we were engaged in a tug-of-war of my zipper.

‘Well, we could do it in the bathroom...’
‘Look...pal. Listen...okay?’
‘Uh-huh?’
‘I just—I just came here because they forced me to. I have no money to pay you... I-I really have to intention of--?
‘What’s wrong? You afraid someone’s gonna know about this?’
‘No but..’
‘Baby, you need to relax! You need to loosen up. Besides, the rooms paid, we’re already paid so why don’t we just sit here, I’ll help you relax baby and... ’

‘Don’t call me baby.’
‘Nobody’s looking. Nobody’s gonna tell. Nobody knows we’re here.’
‘MY FRIENDS ARE HERE.’
“Hushhhh.... relax. We’re alone. Trust me. It’s just you...’

He drew closer and closer... He pushed his forehead against mine and whispered,

‘...and ME.’

Celeb I wanna bed: Ryan Reynolds

2007-08-19T20:09:00.000+08:00

WHO
ARE
YOU
CRAVING
FOR?

Tell me what you think of the new layout. Scroll down for more.

Hookerville pt. 1

2007-08-17T17:11:00.000+08:00

There's someone at work whom we call the Queen Bee. He is THE bee-otch who, after moving back to the Philippines, have discovered that he can be out and about and still be accepted by his friends. He is 40-45 years old, single and gay, and currently has four boyfriends from two continents, four cities.

We did not become close until we both fantasized about this hot guy at work who one day got drunk and allowed me, the Queen and another discreet gay guy to devour him in a straight bar, while the straight girls were watching.

It was then that we sort of became friends. We became even closer when we were assigned to do a special project. We stayed in an apartment with three lesbians and two other gays. The Queen is not flamboyant, but effeminate. I am a bit effeminate but more stiff. The other is a transvestite virgin.

One time, we talked about life of gay men and how our love lives were. Apparently, the Queen has been getting his boyfriends from Hookerville, giving them allowances, clothes, cell phone credits, and more all to have the illusion that he is in love with a partner and the hoping that the male whore would love him back.

'Why don't you have a boyfriend?' He asked me.
'I just choose to be single. Or maybe it's because I',m just not out there.'
'Look at me, I have four boyfriends and I'm loving it.'
'Hunny, I'm too damn poor to maintain four boyfriends and besides, who needs four?'
'I do.'

Sometimes, I can't stand him. He always talks about his boyfriend leaving his girlfriend AND wife for him and 'how much they both love each other.' In my mind, he was like a director, choreographing every move in their relationship while pulling some dough out of his thick wallet.

Paying for sex isn't really appealing to me. For one, I think that the ones who need to pay for sex are the ones who lived in the Queen's generation: the deprived ones who never got the taste of fresh, young dicks and oozing washboard abs at the gym because they lived at the time of bigotry and homophobia. And they're now desperately trying to catch up.

So with that, I understood the Queen's need to shell out as much cash as he can, just to be with someone. For with that, he feels secure and happy.

***

One Friday night, he asked us out for some wild night of entertainment in a gay bar. I refused at first, saying I've never been to one and that I'm too shy to get inside, fearing that other people might see me. Eventually, with stronger persuasion from the lesbian community, I decided to go and loosen up a bit.

+to be continued+

MERCI BEAUCOUP

2007-08-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

I thought I should take a break for a while and let you guys have more time reading the contents of my humble blog. It's been two months since I moved to Blogspot last 11 June '07 and I was surprised with the outcome of my bold move. You see, I've been very, VERY comfortable with my previous webhost. Some of my regular readers even said the old layout is simpler and better that what I have today.

But sometimes, change is healthy. I'm glad it gave me good results. It ain't a huge improvement but I'm happy to see a growth in hits and regular readers since I moved. To date--according to CBox, 3000+ have read or at least visited this site.

Thank you to those who've been making Lows, Highs and ALibis their daily read. Please keep those comments coming. I will try my best to provide better content in the coming weeks.

Someone’s knocking at half past midnight

2007-08-03T00:21:00.000+08:00

It started out as a joke. And because Augustus and I weren’t really close friends, I just assumed that there wasn’t a single ounce of seriousness in his words. A few minutes before telling him of my plans to move out of my apartment, thanks to my wicked landlady, he offered his place for free. Since I needed a shelter and I had no time to be picky, I agreed on one condition: I would still pay him a certain amount for rent.

We agreed on a certain price. He would often boast that that amount would be not enough for all the amenities that will be available to me once I move in. I would be staying in my own room. There’s a clean bathroom. I can wash my clothes with his washing machine. I can store food in his refrigerator. I can cook food with his stove anytime I want. It was a pretty good deal. I was happy...

I was happy until I found out the truth behind the offer which was to-good-to-be-true. One night, he confessed his love for me. He said that he knows he is not my type but would like his kindness to be reciprocated by my showing him some form of kindness as well.

And I did show him genuine kindness. This was until he started messing with my life. He just acted as if we were living together. He started meddling with my affairs, asking me to do the laundry at home instead of bringing it to the Laundromat. He also started cooking food so I won’t leave the house anymore.

The next thing I know, I was trying to avoid what I used to call my new home. Instead of having a place to rest, I always locked myself in my room, pretending not to hear whatever it is he’s trying to tell me while he’s watching TV or doing stuff outside.

I started to worry when he told his friends that we were ‘living together’. You see, when you say Kai and I ‘LIVE TOGETHER’, it tells you that we are in a relationship. It is more appropriate to say that we are sharing an apartment in order for people not to think of the former.

It didn’t end there. When he’s at work, I would receive calls on his landline phone. Most of the time, I wouldn’t answer. I did maybe a couple of times. It was always his friend who called. It’s bizarre that he always calls at a certain time when he knows Augustus is still at work. He would try to start a conversation with me but I make it a point to sound not-so-interested and hung up immediately.

Later, I found out that he’s been telling people that he’s living with someone and that if they want proof, they can call his number.

One time, I finally used his washing machine to wash my clothes. He offered to wash them for me but of course, I declined the offer. As I was putting water into the machine, he asked what time I would be done with the laundry.

‘An hour tops. Why? You doing laundry today?
‘No, coz my friends will drop by today.’

No shit. Of course, his friends would arrive and see me washing clothes, a bigger proof that he is indeed living with his supposed boyfriend. I threw the water away and told him I changed my mind.

He was also, well, sweet. When I say I want ice cream, he would buy two gallons the next day. When I say I want donuts, two dozens of yummy donuts would magically appear on our dining table. When I say I want a DVD of a certain movie, he would buy it for me without ever asking me to pay for it.

I started to freak out when I arrived from work one day and was surprised to see WHITE ROSES at my door. There was a card that says ‘I love you Kai’. That freaked the hell out of me. I called my friends and asked what I should do. When he arrived, I told him thanks, but no thanks because I am allergic to flowers. I have asthma but it wasn’t as severe as I described it. My little white lie caused him to be a bit cold for the next few days.

What convinced me to leave his apartment was the incident that happened at half past midnight. We were watching ‘Queer As Folk’ before I headed to my room. The last scene I saw was Brian Kinney fucking Justin in his fabulous loft. The scenes were hot and Augustus was definitely getting excited. I left when he started throwing a dirty look at me.

Moments later, I was lying on my bed and my cell phone began vibrating. Upon checking, I saw 10 messages were received within the last five minutes. They were all from him.

‘Kai, I want you tonight’
'Kai, give me your body.’
‘Kai, I am obsessed with your body’
‘Let me eat you tonight, you won’t have to do a thing.’

It scared the shit out of me. I ignored the messages but it didn’t stop. Aside from five more messages within the next ten minutes, he also attempted to call about seven times. When I obviously ignored his pathetic attempts to bed me, he decided to do an act of desperation.
He knocked on my door, begging to suck my cock.

‘Kai, please, I want it. I need it. Please!’

I was shaking inside my room. What have I gotten myself into? I decided to let this poor creature offer his place so he can fulfil his fantasies? Why have I become such a fool! I didn’t have a clue he was a psychotic maniac who’s been wanting to give me a blowjob I never wished for.

The next day, I told him I’m leaving the apartment. He apologised for his actions but I told him he didn’t have to because I’m leaving no matter what. He tried to stop me, saying he just signed a renewal of contract with the landlady so we cannot take anything out of the apartment until the lease has been finalized. HE was obviously bluffing. So as soon as he left, I packed my stuff and left.

True enough, the maniac was lying! I passed by three guard posts and they never said a single thing despite seeing me bring one folded mattress, an electric fan, three large bags, a few clothes on hangers, and some other stuff.

Make no mistake, I am not hot. I just got ‘lucky’ someone obsessed over me.

To Pee or Not to Pee

2007-07-21T20:38:00.000+08:00

I've been called many things in bed. My personal favorite is 'Heaven's devil'. It was a 30ish man who drives a Civic and is a production staff at a leading network. When I got on his car, he was pretty quiet.

'Why so silent?'
'Well, I didn't expect you to be like this?'
'SO you're disappointed?'
'No, no. It's just that I thought I was chatting with a devil in bed but I see an angel sitting in my car. It's kinda freaky.'

And it was. After some convincing, he eventually agreed to do it. We were both horny and wanted to just put on a good show for ourselves. HE liked it. (He said this in a text message about five minutes after we left) So did I. However, he thought I lied about my age. He thought I was still in high school. So instead of bringing me to his place, we went into those drive-in motels in Pasig. My first and so far, the best experience in that kind of place.

It's nice when people love what you did to them in bed. It gives you that sense of fulfillment, that after you've hurt your bottom enough to reach orgasm, you return the favor by also giving back an equal amount of pleasure, whether through an unforgettable humping technique or an absolutely sensual foreplay.

But there were times when I had to stop and think before doing what I've been asked to do. One, I am constantly being asked to fuck without a condom. Second, someone already forced me into rimming him, claiming that he used a great amount of PH care to 'cleanse' whatever it is that needs some cleansing. There was a man who was okay with not being rimmed by me, but would force me to kiss after he eats my bottom. It's absolutely gross. Reflex forced me to kick him in his crotch. I hurt him accidentally. I apologised. But instead of hating me, he liked it. he asked me to do it again.

SEXUAL PERVERSIONS.

A PR executive, who was absolutely fluent in English, and who-after doing the usual are-you-top-or-bottom conversation at Starbucks, never spoke a single Tagalog word, asked me to moan and do some dirty talk in the vernacular.

'Say it like you mean it!'
'Huh, are you sure?'
'YEah!'
'Tangina ka! Kakantutin kita putangina ka!'
'YEah! More!'
'Yan, gusto mo? Nararamdaman mo ba kargada ko sa loob mo?'
'Ahhh! You're good man.'

No matter how corny and hideous we may look and act, we still do it. Because we always want to give pleasure to our partners in bed.

I guess the worst I've been asked so far is this one time at the gym. A very handsome man entered the sauna while I was there. He made the first move and I was just there, sitting and receiving all the good graces from this lad. He was quite a catch.

'You cumming?'
'Yeah dude, soon.'
'Just tell me okay?'

I thought he wanted me to cum on his chest... or his face.. or the more common request is to cum in the mouth of my bottom. They've said it so many times: my cum tastes so sweet it's almost like taking candy in its liquid state.

However, the request of this gorgeous lad truly surprised me...

'Once you're done PEE ON MY FACE.'
'What?! I don't think I want to do that.'
'Why not?'
'I can pee in one of the cubicles.'
'I'm here, why not throw me some lovin'? Come on dude. I really need it.'

It was weird. I remember watching a European porn with the same fetish but I never thought of an Asian having the same kind of 'kinky idea'.

As I was about to cum, I wondered what my response would be...

Cemetery Experience

2007-07-16T21:11:00.000+08:00

While chatting online, I found someone who claims to have done it in a cemetery. Why the cemetery of all places? 'Because a lot of people do it there.' Curious, I sent him an online message to verify his claim. I asked him random questions about the cemetery, making sure he know the location, the ins and outs of the place. I've been there a couple of times when a teacher passed away.

The next thing I knew, I was standing in a private lot, my cock being sucked by the man I just met a few minutes ago. He was good and he allowed me to take a photo while he was doing me.

After our 'public appearance', he texted me: 'Sarap. Your cum tasted so sweet I had to swallow it all.

The Day I got caught by the police

2007-07-15T20:09:00.000+08:00

When George Michael was on Oprah, he already served his sentence in Los Angeles. He allegedly violated the law for indecent exposure. Oprah asked the question: Did you or did you not do it? He narrated that he stopped by a public toilet along Beverly Hills which was apparently a popular gay cruising area. While taking a piss, a man came in and started giving him signals. He vehemently denied doing anything that the police wrote on their report.

He said the next thing he knew, the man introduced himself as a police officer and handcuffed him until they arrived at the police station. He was a victim. I was too.

The same thing happened to me a few years ago. I was watching a movie at a cheap cinema in Makati when someone grabbed my crotch. The man beside me signaled that he wanted some action. I gave in. It was raining and I was horny as hell. I wanted it too.

We started caressing each other's crotch area when a few men passed by. We stopped. Flashlights were directed towards us. We acted like we were bugged and that we don't know each other so they would leave us alone. And so they did.

We went back to what we were doing but was more cautious this time. Since we both got bored, we decided to leave the cinema and screw each other somewhere else. I didn't want to go to a motel and he didn't want to do it in the men's room. So I tried to think of a place. The fire exit!

In that building, the fire exit was as big as a school's hallway. It was dark but the glowing lights of the billboards outside gave us enough light to see where we were going. FOR THE RECORD, we were both fully-clothed and we were a few feet away from each other. He took a piss when suddenly, the door opened and a man with a flashlight yelled, 'DON'T MOVE.'

Scared, I ran downstairs using the stairs of the fire exit. The bars were filthy and filled my hands with dust and dirt. I didn't know where the other guy was. I went down to the 2nd floor. As I opened the door to finally escape, an middle-aged man stopped me and held my arms, and asked me to come with him. Meanwhile, another guard caught the other guy. Later, he told me his name was Paul.

There was a brief interrogation at some corner of the cinema. Thank God he didn't create a scene. He asked for identification and lucky me I was only able to provide my university ID. Paul didn't have one too. All he could present was an international credit card issued in the United Arab Emirates. I learned later on that he just arrived from Dubai and will be back the following week.

After almost an hour of pleading and apologizing, the man just wanted us to admit that we were sucking each other's cocks in the fire escape. Thought, it was the original intention, such incident never occurred when he caught us. I insisted that Paul took a piss. I even asked him to check to see if the floor was wer but he didn't want to. His mind was pretty much closed to the fact that two gay men tried to have sex inside the fire escape area and he was pissed about it.

'If you're not sucking each other then what the fuck were you doing there?'
'He was taking a leak!' I tried to explain it but he didn't want to listen.
'If I go there right now and find out the floor is as dry as desert, I will have you arrested for a bigger crime!'
'Go ahead!' But he didn't want to. He knew the floor was going to be wet in piss.

He took us to the police station two blocks away from the mall. The police station head, who was a tall, rotund guy sat on his podium and started questioning us.

'These two were caught in the fire escape doing something.'
'We weren't doing anything.'
'If you weren't doing anything then I'll file a case for being suspicious characters.'

Behind the police chief, were two shirtless policemen threatening to call the media.

'Tangina nyo mga bakla kayo! Nagchuchupaan kayo sa public pa mga hayuop kayo!'

We sat there quietly.

'Tangina nyo, tatawagan ko media tangina nyo! Papaharap ko kayo sa media.'

The chief shut the men up. He got my ID from the man who was apparently the head of security of the mall, and analyzed the picture. He noticed it was a school ID.

'How old are you, kid?'
'I'm 20.' I lied.
'You know what you..'
'We didn't do any..'
'I know what you tried to do.'
'Hmm..'
'Just get the fuck out of here and DO NOT ever do that again.'
'Okay sir. Thanks sir.'

We both left. I was speechless. I called my bestfriend to tell her what happened. After snapping back into perspective, I called Paul to see how he was doing.

'You okay?'
'Yeah. That was creepy.'
'And I won't do that again.'
'Your fault. You said it was safe.'
'Not a good time to point fingers.'
'So what now?'
'Where are you?'
'Jeep.'
'Me too.'
'See you at McDonald's ****?'
'Yeah, sure. Let's do this.'
'YEah.'

And so we did.

The Most Beautiful Cock

2007-07-08T18:14:00.000+08:00

I decided to switch to Smart BRO recently because of the good feedback I got from my friends. Plus, my previous ISP sucked big time with all the unscheduled downtimes and very slow page loads. Last week, I went to the Smart Wireless Centre and inquired about the rates and requirements, etc. The next thing I knew, I was filling out a form and presentingmy ID.

The lady said I would receive a text asking me to pay the initial amount. Then, the folks will come down to install the gadgets needed. I expected to wait for 3-4 working days. They came within the next 24 hours.

When I got to the door, I saw two sweaty, middle-aged men who were both dark-skinned and looked like they've been installing this thing all over the metro. I invited the shorter guy inside but he asked me to wait.

'We'll wait for the other guy. He'll help you configure your PC.'

'Okay.'

After a few minutes, a much younger man emerged from the service van. He was fair-skinned, tall and obviously toned. You could tell by his biceps. I was glad he was the one I need to invite into my room.

When we got to my room, it was a bit of a mess. My clothes were scattered everywhere so I had to clean the mess quickly so as not to embarass myself.

'Sorry, it's a mess.'
'It's okay sir.'

He spoke in a voice similar to Laurence Fishburne's. Very low, yet sexy. Or maybe I was just imagining. He was beginning to sweat and it's soaking his shirt wet, his skin is starting to show. His back must be defined by the looks of it.

So instead of looking at my PC, I stared at his back, his head, his hands. He's quite big. I can imagine whatelse is big in is body. He wasn't really very rich in the looks department but his body was definitely a knock-out.

'Sir? Sir?'
I blinked. 'Yes?'
'We need to restart your PC. Do you need to save anything?'
'No go ahead.'

I lost my concentration for a while. Outside, the rain was starting to pour. The other men were waiting in the van, calling him on his cellphone to check on the status.

'I can't get a signal.' He paused. 'No, someone needs to move the antenna... no you do it. I'm here.. oh so you want me to get myself wet and then come up here to fix the PC?'

Apparently, the other guys were too tired to do the job so he did it himself. He went up the roof and adjusted the position of the antenna. By the time he reached the top, the rain poured heavily. He almost slipped. I yelled something but he said he's fine. I smiled and went back upstairs.

He came back, this time with wet clothes and no men waiting outside. His colleagues went to buy cigarettes so he could fix the PC all by himself.

'Taena.. I just joined the team this afternoon so they think they've done all the work.' He smiled.
'Oh yeah? Well, I guess it's just us for now.' I grinned.

Water was dripping off his shirt. He apologized and asked if he could get a towel.

'Sorry...'
'No, it's okay. Here.' I handed him a clean towel.
'Maybe I should take off my shirt.'
He looked at me then the door, as if telling me that the maid might see him naked in my room so I need to close it. And I did... I even locked it.

'Now we can work.'
'Your pants are wet too. You wanna borrow some clean shorts so we can put them in the dryer?'
'Oh that's too much trouble.'
'No, the maid isn't done with the laundry so it's a good time.'
'You sure.'
'YES.'

Of course I was. I was excited to see what's underneath.

And so he removed his pants while still shirtless. He was just in his underwear now. I was salivating over what I was seeing. His abs were starting to show after he got wet and his pecs were truly awesome. What a sight!

I hesitated. I told myself that I shouldn't but I did anyway.

'Maybe you should take a rest first. Relax.'
'Sir?'

I pushed him to my bed til he lied on his back. He had this confused look on his face but at the same time, some evidence of excitement and fear was there. I was confused myself whether he's going to like this or beat me up for having the guts to do what I was about to do.

There was a moment of silence... a minute or two. We looked at each other and suddenly, he found himself removing his underwear and pulling my head to his cock. Man, the size of that thing... I could barely put one ball in my mouth. The shaft of his dick was by far the most beautiful I've ever seen. There were no marks, the veins were showing but not protruding. The skin was smooth, and it felt great while it was inside my mouth. You could feel the meat on my tongue, sliding and touching it and part of my gums. I started sucking harder like I'm enjoying a lollipop. Somehow, I got the feeling he had the idea of what is the REAL meaning of the word 'sucking'.

The shaft of his dick was just delicious. The meat of his head was packed in a circular shape, probably a cut simpler than German. The color was just pure red and the texture was as smooth as a baby's arm. I licked and licked and sucked and licked and licked some more until he moaned and moaned harder that I had to tell him to shut up.

He grabbed my pillow and started biting, trying to relieve the excitement brought about by the pleasure of being sucked by an experienced one.

Honestly, I never really fancied a dick until I saw his. It took us about fifteen minutes. After several maneuvers copied from the recent porn materials I downloaded off the net, his beautiful meat exploded with white milk all over his chest. He pulled my head, asking me to swallow but I pulled back. He moaned a little and exhaled. I was quick to pull the towel I gave him to prevent his juice from spilling all over the place.

And yes, if you're wondering. He did finish the job and install the thing on my PC. He gave me the receipt.

'Thanks.' He said. He smiled as if it was the best blowjob he ever got.
'Oh, thank YOU.'
'Just...call me,' He handed me his card. '..when you need anything.'

Something tells me I am really going to call for some technical support.

Original LHAA site SUSPENDED

2007-07-06T17:05:00.000+08:00

Unfortunately, Bravent suspended the original Lows, Highs, and Alibis site. Nevermind. I'm moving permanently to Blogspot anyway. Thanks to the 3000 hits per day. Now, I can focus on updating just one site.

And oh... FUCK YOU HYPOCRITES.

www.OUTandAbout.co.nr - The Official Lows, Highs, and Alibis Site

Violence pt. 2

2007-07-05T19:21:00.000+08:00

The truth is, I don't really know what he meant when he said 'You like it'. Did he already figure out I'm gay and now he's mocking me? Or he knows I'm gay and that I sort of like him? He gave me a puckish smile which I made me more confused.
'Okay, let's stop.' I pushed him away from me. He landed on his back and stood up right away.
'Wait, I have to show you how you can get out of that.'
It was a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu move where the attacker pins down the enemy and finishes it with the usual wrestling maneuver before the referee starts counting to three. Only in MMA, it's real and more violent.
He put his arms around me and tried to push me, this time with care, as if sensing that I am already getting irritated for his sheer enjoyment in beating the heck out of me. He kept smiling but it made me more pissed.
'I have to take a shower.'
'Oh.. yeah? Me too.'
He followed me to the shower room. I was silent the whole time. I took off my shirt, wet from extreme perspiration. I grabbed a towel and looked at myself in the mirror. I checked my arms for bruises. Luckily, I didn't find any.
'Did I give you any bruises?'
'No, thank God.'
'Hey, sorry if I was a bit rough. I thought you were having fun too. You seemed to be smiling the whole time.'
'Yeah?' I said nonchalantly.
There was a short pause. Then I went inside one of the cubicles. The shower rooms are nice and clean. There were four cubicles, divided by a glass which still gives you a chance to look at the figure of the man taking a bath in the next cubicle. Of course, it was Joe who was in the next one.
'Have you tried our boxing classes?'
I didn't respond.He asked the question again after a few minutes.
'I said have you tried boxing?'
'Uhm, no. I haven't. And I don't think I will.'
I wasn't really into having a conversation with a guy who just smacked me. So I stopped and went out to dress myself up. He still followed me. This time, I really felt like the guy was mocking me. He kept giggling while telling a story about some gay guy who joined the club to see 'hot men' but he ended up getting beaten in the ring by the straight guys.
'I told Hanz, that was his name, that if you're looking for some action, this is where you'll find it. But if you want some action in the shower room, you get the hell out of my gym.'
At that point, I don't know what happened. I just let it all out:
'You think that's funny? You think you're some cool, straight jock huh? Well you're not. You're a loser for beating that gay guy.'
'Hey.. what the..'
'So that's what you do here? You invite your gay customers and beat them to death?'
'That's not what I..'
'Well, FYI Mister A-hole Master I'm gay too. Are you gonna beat me to death too?'
I stormed out of the gym, leaving him speechless. Somehow he managed to get my number, probably from the gym's files. He tried to call and text me but I ignored him completely.
But since I was in a 12 month contract with the gym, I had to go back and use my membership. I asked the receptionist what time he comes in and I try to avoid that schedule.
But you know, as they say, the more you hate, the more you love. It was especially true in this case...
(to be continued)

History of Gay Violence - premiere

2007-06-29T10:19:00.000+08:00

No matter how free this country claims to be, I can't help but wonder why we are not free of our old ideologies and stereotypes. Gay relationships are still hiding under the blanket of criticism and sometimes hate. I often wonder how many unreported cases of violence against gay men have occurred. How many have died? How many survived? How many are still out there to get us?

My taste of violence is quite different though. He was also gay. Only he is one of those 'extremely-closeted ones' who would rather die than to let other people know, other than his partner, that he is gay.

I met Joseph at the gym. Now a typical story would start with either one of us crusing inside the sauna or shower area. But ours started as a trainer-gym member relationship. When he helps me stretch, he gives me a boner. When he talks to me about being healthy, I think of him as my future husband. When he rushes to help me lift weights, I feel that he's concerned for me. I really liked the guy. And I told myself that I'd get him no matter what.

It wasn't easy. I tried numerous invitations to my pad but he always turns them down. There were moments in the shower area when I thought he was already giving me signals. How can a straight guy be so comfortable in taking a bath, naked, knowing a gay guy is right beside him looking at his ass. Or maybe he didn't know I was gay?

'You have to come.'
'Sure when?' I grinned.
'This Friday. There's an exhibition. Here.'

I forgot to mention that aside from being a certified gym instructor and Physical Therapist, he is also one of the well-known masters of Mixed Martial Arts in the country. He liked the action. He liked violence. But at the end of each grueling session, where someone goes home wounded, even bleeding, beaten like a cat who snatched a food at the kitchen, he always make it a point to treat the opponent with respect.

I expected the same thing from him. So I agreed to jointhe MMA club he organized at the gym. It felt great to release all the tension from work and just bring it all out in the octagon. While I was treated as a beginner in each group session, Joe would always make me stay for at least another hour to train with him.

On a rainy Friday night, the receptionist put out the lights at the gym except in the octagon area. We were sweating and there's no sign that Joe wanted to stop training.

'I'm getting tired.'
'No, you're not.' He charged and pushed me with his broad shoulders and pinned me down.
'Oh, that one hurt.'
'No pain no gain.'
'Yeah but no back no good. You're killing me. I'm a neophyte.'
'If you train harder...'
'Hey, I didn't say I wanted to be.. ahahhah!'

He flipped me around, wrapped his legs around mine. It was like a real wrestling match.

'Okay, Joe, seriously. You gotta let me rest.'
'You want this right?'

Smallville Experience pt. 2

2007-06-26T18:16:00.000+08:00

During the whole Smallville experience, I smoked tobacco. I liked it better than a Marlboro or a Winston. Smallville didn't smoke. So one time when he parked his Mitsubishi SUV, he asked me what I was holding.

'Tobacco.'

'That's bad for your health.'

I blushed. Why would he say such thing if he really didn't care for my health. Things like this make my day. Smallville makes my day. So whenever I find time to talk to him, I would--even if it would cost me the important hours of sleep I needed for both work and school.

Our boarding house has a balcony. A note from the landlady says: 'Smoke here.' So I did. It was early in the morning and my pupils have barely adjusted to the rising sun. I lit my tobacco, puffed, and sat on the chair at the balcony. Then I heard a door open. I turned to see if it was the landlady. I hate seeing her because she always tells me to close the glass door as the smoke might get into her room and she might suffocate. It was the real intention of the boarders, including me.

But it wasn't her. Instead, Smallville's door opened. I saw the most beautiful smile I saw in many years. The more exciting this about it is that the man who wore it was half naked and was covered by a towel which hardly covers his entire body.

‘Hi..’

‘Hi, thought you were in school.’

‘ I was. But the professor didn’t show up so I’m here.’

‘So you’re taking a bath…again?’

‘Didn’t take a bath earlier haha! I was running late so I just wore my perfume.’

‘Nice.’

“Yeah.’

He went into the bathroom as I feel my dick throb. It’s nice to get the morning wood with double the sensation, thanks to a young, hot man who greets you in the morning. With every splash of water I hear, I imagine him naked in that bathroom, washing his face, then his neck, soaping his chest down to his abs, and then splashing water on his dick.

When he was done, I came in my pants. What came out was not a man but a Greek god who just got out of his daily bath at the Fountain of Youth. His hair was still wet and water was racing down from his soft hair. Instead of running to our room, he noticed me still at the balcony, this time without a tobacco. Did he find out that I was waiting for him?

‘Hey, you’re still here.’

‘Yeah. Hey, you workout?’ Obviously, a body like that would have given the answer right away. But he responded anyway.

‘Yeah but not the regular gym workout. I’m with the rowing team.’

‘REALLY?’

‘Yeah. ‘

‘That explains the pecs.’

He giggled while running his hand across his chest, as if seducing me with his sexy nipples. I tried to look away but it was impossible. Smallville was a powerful force which cannot be resisted.

*

There were times when I asked myself if he was playing the usual closet gay’s game. Once, I was preparing my food for school in the kitchen, he started to talk to me again. This is the nice thing about him. He really likes to talk. I didn’t have a hard time finding an opportunity to spend time with him because when he sees me, he always had a story to share.

So on that particular day in the kitchen, I had another interesting conversation with him. He was wearing a basketball jersey, showing his huge biceps. If I had it my way, I’d ask him to take it off. It was pretty hot in the kitchen anyway. While I was slicing my food, he came a little closer, allowing his huge arms to touch mine. I felt a sudden euphoria. Then I thought maybe the kitchen was just too small for the two of us that’s why our skins have touched. Nevertheless, the feeling was exhilarating. There was nothing more I want than to be accidentally touched by the Greek god who lives in the same boarding house.

Boarding House Series: The Smallville Experience pt.1

2007-06-20T12:03:00.000+08:00

What do I love about Allan? Well, his physique is excellent. As a member of the National Rowing Team, he managed to stay in great shape. His pecs are bulging and his biceps just want to make you cum in a New York minute. His hair is soft and flowing and his smile is intoxicating.

'I wanted to cut my hair short but I figured I could grow my hair to look like that Smallville guy.'

That's how he got his name. Indeed, Smallville does look like Tom Welling. The body, shape of the face and even the smile are very similar. Only, he's darker that the Hollywood actor.

Inside our room are two single beds and a double deck. I was on the 'first floor' while the one on top isn't occupied yet. The single beds were occupied by Smallville and another student of the same university. When I first saw him, he was in the kitchen. he looked like he just arrived so I thought he was just a guest. LAter I realized that the girl she was with was the guest and he was my roommate.

The conversations started when I arrived home one morning. I was juggling school with a full-time job at the call center. You can just imagine how little time I spend in the boarding house. I sleep for four hours and jump out of bed to attend class. Then, I take a cab to the office and work the whole night.

But not on that particular Thursday. His smile greeted me and so I decided to stay in the living room to chat with him. He told me he's a Business Administration major and would be graduating that year. I told him I'm a Journalism major. I found out he's in the Rowing Team.

I also found out that he has a girlfriend. Only I didn't believe he's straight.

Nip/Fuck - Continued

2007-06-18T19:53:00.000+08:00

The doctor asked me to turn around an bend over. He was going to stick his index finger into my ass. I was so fucking scared. To think, I have never even tried putting anything in my ass. He assured me that the he will use a 'good' lubricant. I told him to fuck off--in my head. Since I signed the form, the doctor was compelled to do the rectal examination.

'Is it REALLY going to hurt?'

'From your words of hesitation I gather that you haven't been finger fucked before.'

'Doctors use that term nowadays?'

'No, but technically it is called that.'

'Try to stick to the medical terms. Your own version is giving me the creeps.'

He put on his gloves. With a puckish smile on his face, he applied a big amount of lube onto his hands. 'See? The more the merrier.' He said sardonically. He seems to be enjoying the sight of my fat ass right in front of him. He tries to spread my butt cheeks as if saying hello to my asshole. 'Okay, just try to relax.'

But I couldn't relax. Especially when you know that a stranger's finger will be up your ass. Nevermind that he's a doctor. That fact doesn't make a difference. He tried to be as gentle as possible but my pain tolerance was close to 0.05%. My muscles started to contract. I moaned, not for pleasure, but because my legs became sore and my head was hurting just thinking about his finger or fingers in my ass.

'OUCH!'

'Husshhh. The next guy in line might hear you.'

'But doc! It REALLY hurts.'

'Yeah.'

He did this for the next four minutes. Oddly, halfway through the 'procedure', I felt something strange. A tingling sensation I wasn't expecting actually. My legs grew much weaker but there was some sort of a pleasurable sensation I felt along with it. The headache subsided and the doctor was now trying to maneuver his finger into something inside.

Suddenly, I came. And not just drops. My cock exploded.

The doctor smiled, as if relieved that the end of what was supposed to be a rectal examination, led to my unplanned and unepected orgasm. I didn't know what just happened.

'Okay, you seem to be feeling good. No, better now.'

'What was that about?'

'Did you like it?'

I stepped out of the office, not knowing how to compose my thoughts about what happened. A supposed painful medical examination turned into a pleasureable maneuver of the index finger in my ass. What the fuck happened?

Later, my doctor friend, who wished he was the one who did the procedure, told me it's called a PROSTATE MASSAGE.

'It's what we do to patients who are suffering from erectile dysfunction.'

'But I am not impotent... nor am I having problems in the crotch area.'

'I already figured that out by the time we started the third round a few months ago.' He kept bringing back the time when I slept with him. He liked me so much that he begged for a third round. The second was my idea. The third was a mercy fuck. Good thing the crotch area, like I said, is very much alive.

'Okay so why did he do that? Is it really part of the procedure?'

'Well, you said the doctor's obviously gay. I'm thinking he really likes you so he did it. Or...'

'Or...'

'Or it might have been an accident.'

'There are no accidents. Mistakes... yeah.'

'Not on this one. You see, this is why a lot of gay men, including myself, like their ass to be pounded. The cock, during the pumping action, touches a portion of our prostate, which produces the sperm in our testes. You don't need to completely touch the entire prostate. A mere accidental push will give a man so much pleasure that he may cum without warning.'

'So that's what you do to impotent men? You force them to cum?'

'Force is a harsh word. We help them cum. Just like when a Brazilian man jacks off on Cum Shots 4. They help us create the illusion while we jack off.'

'Uhm, I haven't seent Cum Shots 4.'

'You should. And Oh, also available are Cum Shots 1-3. Good stuff!'

'Will I miss a lot if I skip parts 1-3 and jump right into the masturbating Brazilian hunk?'

Nip/Fuck

2007-06-14T17:22:00.000+08:00

What does it mean to be a Top or Bottom? Some people believe that choosing the role in a sexual play or a relationship is very psychological. If you choose to be dominant, you tend to be a top. If you choose to be dominated, you choose to be a bottom. Sometimes, I tend to disagree. Some tops love to be cared for and be passive while some bottoms just love their ass to get pounded. It's different in our world. Sex has a whole new meaning than just fucking and rolling over.

This was the topic of discussion on our way to the office. We were scheduled by the Human Resources department to undergo an annual Physical and Medical examination required by the company. I was with Tom, who describes himself as a 'power bottom who can eat your ass' on Guys4Men, and Cito, the 'Hard Top' on MIRC.

'You know, being a bottom has its advantages.'

'Oh yeah, what? Tell us.'

'You get that sensation when you get fucked. It's a feeling you can't describe.'

I always get scared when he talks about his sex life when we're in public. You just don't know what will come out of his mouth. I sat their quietly, while waiting for the nurse to hand us the forms.

'Aren't you afraid that the doctor's will see something in your ass?'

'Duh? I clean my ass every night.'

'You do? Ewww. That's the part of being a top that I really enjoy. You don't have to be the dirty one.'

'But you sometimes fuck a dirty ass.'

'Nevermind, lights are off and I ask the bottom to remove the condom while I hold my breath.'

Okay this conversation is definitely getting out of hand. The nurse was already looking at us, smiling while she probably imagines how Tom cleans his filthy ass. I decided to make fun of the situation:

'Aren't you afraid that since 80% of this city's guys have fucked you that your asshole just won't close one day?'

'Hahaha! Yeah! I remember Rei had diarrhea when he had 5 guys.'

'More like 8 or 9.'

The doctor called my name. He was short, probably in his early 30's, and obviously gay. He led me to one of the smaller HR offices. The glass windows were all covered so I figured each employee has to get naked inside. He asked me questions like what my allergies are, if I smoke or drink, and my family's history of illnesses.

He asked me to stand up. He pulled his chair to he can move closer and he held the button of my jeans.

'Uhm, what are you doing?'

' Oh, this is a physical exam. Sorry if I scared you. Please take off your pants. We'll check your penis.'

It was right then when I remembered checking the field on the form that says I agree to a genital and rectal examination. CRAP!

While taking off my pants, he gave me that look and asked, 'Do you workout?' I smiled and said I stopped. The love handles would attest to it. 'You look so young, how old are you?' The questions kept on going while I was nervous that my doctor was a sex maniac and I wasn't aware that I'm already being harrassed. The good thing is he hasn't touched me yet.

He put on the gloves and started touching my balls. 'You know Hernia is very common nowadays for guys your age.'

'Uhm, so are you saying I have it?'

'No, but it's a good thing you let me check your balls.' He smiled and looked down. 'At least now we know you don't have it.'

He held my penis which is at its lethargic state. 'Do you workout? Oh I believe I already asked that.' He asked a few more questions while he was analyzing my dick. He folded the skin away from the head. I can tell there was an attempt to masturbate but I really couldn't tell. After all, he's a doctor and he should be touching my dick to see if there's something wrong.

'These...'

'What? What are those? Do I have STD? How come? I haven't been...'

'Relax. You're too nervous kid. I was about to say that people normally mistake this as a form of an STD. But it's not. These are just glands of the penis.'

'Oh.'

(to be continued)

Caught at home pt. 2

2007-06-13T15:14:00.000+08:00

I told myself that I should get my own TV and DVD player. These gadgets come cheap nowadays. Unfortunately, this happened four years ago when I was still juggling work with school and saving money was of huge importance my life. Usually, I would be staying in my boadring house near the campus. But on one particular Saturday night, I decided to go home. The maid is out so this would mean I have the opportunity to do something I've been wanting to do: watch PORN.

*** Five Days ago ***

Becky and I stood beside a busy Dunkin Donuts store. We figured we should act as inconspicuously as possible. What could go wrong? We were going to pretend like we were curious about the new porn industry born right in front of an abandoned building which is undoubtedly the hottest craze of the year. We slowly made our way to the 'inner circle' where a young boy was trying to make his best offer yet.

'Bold-Bold-Bold!' The boy said, pointing at the latest Boading House Scandal sequel.
'No...' I politely said.
'Okay then, Man to Man!'

I gave the boy a weird look while Becky tapped me. She was trying to tell me that this is the opportunity for me to get the DVD without anyone noticing. The young boy, obviously noticing how awkward I've become looked at the older man beside him. The man then talked to me.

'Well sir, if it's not for you, you can give this to your friends who are...well, who like men.'
'Uh-huh.'
"Pasalubong po."

Unbelievable. Since when did porn become the new millennium's pasalubong. The young boy reappeared saying they have a promo. 3 DVDs for 100 pesos. It was a pretty good deal. And with Becky's expertise in bargaining, she got another movie for free. She handed me the 100 and she chose the best titles.

'How did you know they were the best titles?'

'Well, you like it big right?'

*************
When I got home, the maid was already gone. It was 9PM, my dad's car wasn't there yet. Everybody else's sleeping upstairs. THIS IS IT.

I turned on the DVD and TV. The inlay says it's 'The Best Cum Jocks'. It boasts off their actors' 9-10 inch cocks. I was thrilled. I haven't seen two men in action. Well, I have been in action but I've never tried being part of an audience.

The movie started out with a hetero couple, a rich couple from Malibu. In the middle of the night, a man wearing a black spy suit barged into their home. The husband got up to get some water. The wife suddenly yelled 'Thief!'. The husband dropped the glass in shock. The thief brought tied the wife's hands with a rope and pushed her to the chair. He pointed the gun at the husband.

'I don't want her to get hurt. I'll do anything you want.'

'Oh yeah, take off your clothes.'

Oh it's getting hot in here. The man took off his clothes as the man pushed him to the sofa so he could lie on his chest. He uttered 'Fuck you'. The man ignored him. I was shocked when the thief just got naked and put his dick in the husband's ass. The man was struggling at first but you can quickly notice that he liked what the thief was doing. They fucked in several positions and all of these were happening while the wife was happening.

Pretty good story.

As both men were about to cum, I heard my dad's car arrive. Scared, I turned off the DVD even when the movie was still playing. I turned it on again to get the disc. I grabbed the two other movies and ran into my room. Nervous, I felt a little dehydrated. So I went downstairs to grab a drink and to say HI to my dad.

'Hi dad, good night!'

He didn't say anything. He was probably tired. He turned on the TV and I went back upstairs.

****
The next day, I received a text message five minutes after my Psychology 101 class started. The professor was giving a lecture on how drugs affect the nervous system. On my cellphone was a text from my sister:

'You are the dumbest gay guy ever!' I replied and it started a whole testing spree:

'What?

'You left your porn DVDs here! Dad saw it!'

I didn't know what to day. I remember grabbing all movies. I thought of an alibi.

'Oh, it's probably the Campus Scandal. That's a straight porn.'

'No Kai. The CD's got a lot of cocks on it. And they're huge!'

At that point, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at my sister's statements. I did say I grabbed the two other CDs but I forgot that Becky had one other free CD due to the little boy's promo. FUCK! I am totally screwed, I said to myself.

Thank God I was staying in m boarding house and so I was able to avoid the biggest confrontation you can imagine. Five days after the whole incident, my dad and my sister had a serious conversation:

'Is Kai gay?'

'What?'

'I think you know the answer.'

'Dad, I don't know. Is this about the porn you found?'

'I won't be mad. I just want to know so in case someone asks or someone makes fun of my son I'd know how to defend him.'

'Dad, I don't know. But you know Kai. He's not gonna go overboard. he's not a crossdresser or anything like that.

'So are you saying he is?'

'No I'm just saying I don't know.'

But she knew it. A few years before this incident happened I was drunk at a bar when she popped the question. I felt betrayed but it was the beginning of freedom.

Nowadays, I am more careful. I now have my own TV and DVD and I make my important purchases online or through someone I met on the internet. He sells gay titles, porn and even the popular US series and the best part of it is that he will meet you in private.

Caught at home pt. 1

2007-06-12T09:00:00.000+08:00

There is an unspoken rule in our family that some things are better left unsaid. Hence, I’ve kept mum about my sexuality for a very long time now. Though it is quite evident that I prefer Mariah Carey over Linkin Park, America’s Next Top Model over Wrestle Mania, and Ambush Makeover over an NBA game, nobody dared to ask me about my sexual preference. After all, I’m not a crossdresser and some people still think I look straight until I open my mouth.

My mother once attempted to find out the truth. I know that she knows but maybe she wants to have some sort of a confirmation—a kind of closure to the whole issue about my sexuality.

One time, there was a documentary entitled ‘Baklitas’ (Young gays). The 7-year-old boy was complaining about how his father is forcing him to act like a ‘real man’. He said he’s constantly asked to play basketball with his cousins and that if he blurts out ‘something gay’, his father would immediately throw him into the bedroom and punish him ‘until I make a man out of you.’

The young boy, bruised and crying from last night, asked, ‘What’s wrong with being gay?’ It was right then that my mom first gave me a sign that it was okay to tell her. ‘Yeah, I agree. Why not?’ She paused, as if waiting for me to react. I changed the channel while she kept talking about how okay it would be for her it she was the mother of that poor boy.

But like what I said, the unspoken rule still exists. I’d rather not discuss things like this because I feel that talking about it would make it look more like it’s not normal.

*

On a sunny Saturday morning, I was appalled at probably the most disturbing discovery I’ve ever had. On the sidewalk of Magallanes was a huge crowd, surrounding many vendors. But that wasn’t the shocking part of it. What surprised me is that they were selling porn—Gay Porn. It was the first time I saw someone hard-selling titles like Cum Shots 5 or Jockstrap Teens.

The customers look like straight-acting men who are not ready to come out of the closet. I decided to take a peek. The titles were available in both VCD and DVD formats. Tempted, I held one DVD which says Hard 6 Pack Men. On the cover were several seven to nine-inch cocks. I dropped the DVD in shock. People looked at me and so I walked away. I told myself that it wasn’t a good time for porn shopping.

‘What’s wrong with that? You’re gay and you said you’re comfortable..’

‘I am.’

‘So what’s wrong with buying you a porn movie which caters to your sexual preference?’

It’s one of the questions I really couldn’t answer at that time. My friend Becky tried to snap me back into perspective. In times like this, she was always ready to rescue me. When I need to buy porn, she does it for me. When I want to copy of OUT magazine, she gets me one so easily. So when I can’t do the porn shopping on my own, she decided to come with me and teach me how to do it discreetly.

The Anonymous

2007-06-10T13:32:00.000+08:00

‘How could you do it with someone you don’t know?’

‘Well, it’s pretty simple. You get naked, engage in foreplay, fuck and reach orgasm.’

Wanda gave me an ugly look like she just saw someone lick elephant balls on Fear Factor.

‘And oh, never skip the part where you put on rubber and lube. It’s a given.’

‘Do even feel attracted to the other person? Are your feelings completely diminished while sexual urge takes over?’

‘You got it all wrong. You can’t have sex with someone if you’re not attracted to him. There ain’t going to be an erection.’

‘Hushhh… Will you keep it down. And don’t say that.., thing. Say – sleeping with someone.’

‘I can’t.’

‘Why?’

‘Because there's hardly any sleeping. It’s fuck and go.’

The 6-month old pregnant colleague of mine was even more shocked. She thought she was going to get me on her side in the recent scandal involving another colleague who was recently caught being picked up by a stranger at the lobby. Sex with random guys. This has been happening for several months now and nobody had a clue.

About seven years ago, I would have asked the same questions. Back then, I was so naïve that the only place for sex that I had in mind was in the bedroom. Through the years, I have discovered—as well as experienced—that sex can be enjoyed in several other places: the stairs, the restaurant’s bathroom, the church, the fire exit of a condominium, and the basement parking of a residential building. That’s the great thing about sex, you get to be creative and so you get to enjoy it more.

I knew this when I met Fastcar.

The name isn't an alias I made up. He probably made it up. The truth is I really have no idea what his real name is. We met about three years ago online. He was a short guy, a bit beefy but not too muscled. And his being a bottom made it all so perfect.

The not-so-perfect part of it, aside from not knowing his name, is the fact that he didn't have a decent place to fuck. He lives in a condominium building near the police station and doing it in public is so fucking scary.

But I guess nothing really stops a horny top and a hungry bottom from heating things up. Their building has a basement parking and that's where we did it . In broad daylight, at around 2PM, we stood behind a Mitsubishi pick-up and got our freak on. He unbuttoned his pants while caressing my dick. He didn't want to kiss. I was busy licking his nipples which were undeniably tastier than it looks.

Since time was against us ( there was an office located in the basement and lunch time wasn't over yet), I told him I needed to fuck him fast. He pulled out a condom and a sachet which turned out to be a lubricant. I fucked him -- dogstyle -- standing up while he's leaning on the silver blue pick-up. The quickie lasted for about 25 minutes or thereabouts.

As if it wasn't enough, he asked me to come back at 9PM the same day for another round.

'There's not a lot of people so you can fuck me longer.'
'That's hot.'
'No, you're hot. You're dick is hot.'

And who am I to refuse. He was such an adorable guy who sure knows how to appreciate a good fuck. The second session lasted for almost an hour. He threw the condom at the back of a owner-type jeepney parked near the stairs. The steamy encounter wrapped up just before the guard did his evening rounds.

***

Fastcar and I have been doing this for three years. Yet, I never found out what his name was. Hell, I don't even know his unit number in that building. If someone were to ask me at the reception area as to who I was looking for, all I can say his Fastcar, the guy I fucked at the basement.

We tried several positions, most of which were done standing up. I never thought you can do a lot standing up. I realized you can if you're pressed for time and if the guards on the ground floor makes you shit scared you just wanna cum and just be done with it. One time, there were only a few cars parked and finding our spot became increasingly difficult. We had to stay behind a pick-up or an SUV since a car wouldn't be enough to cover our sweaty bodies while I pump his ass.

We improvised. He found a cardboard and we used it as our 'bed'. It was the first time we did it lying on the ground.

'You're wild.' He grinned.
"No, you are.'
'You like that?'

Of course I did. I enjoyed every moment we fucked together. When we finished, I tried to talk to him about giving me his name.

'Come on, just give me a name. I don't care if it's your real name or not. I just need to put a name on your face.'

He just smiled, wiped the sweat off his face and led me to the main entrance of the building. This went on for three years. Three years of not knowing the name of the young man you've been fucking. It's almost as if I was having a number of one-night stands in three years and waking up each morning surprised that the bottom you fucked last night took off faster than the mailman.

LHAA joins Pinoy Gay Blogs

2007-06-07T07:40:00.000+08:00

In an effort to increase the number of readers, I posted several comments on the site of Manila Gay Guy. I then saw a link to Pinoy Gay Blogs. I decided to be a member since it'll be the best way to reach more people and share the stories of the Lows, Highs and Alibis of my life.

Don't waste time

2007-05-31T20:33:00.000+08:00

A few years back, I met a guy named Victor who was 40+ when we met – or so he claimed. He definitely looked his age and some people might even say he might be even older. He asked me out one day. ‘Just for a cup of coffee.’ He said. After several text messages, I agreed to meet with him only on one condition: we can’t go to a coffee shop within the city. I was afraid that someone from the family or maybe my friends would see me wit h an older guy and start suspecting that I’m selling sex as a sideline.

‘Don’t worry, I know where to bring you.’

He picked me up at around 1 am. A black midsize sedan parked in front of the waiting shed. He rolled down the windows and there was a man who looked three decades older than I am. I was afraid to jump in but he gave me a cute smile. I realized he maybe a crouching tiger, hidden dragon.

‘So where are we going?’

‘Somewhere far. Where we can have coffee.’

‘There’s something I forgot to tell you.’

‘What?’

‘I’m not a coffee drinker. I’m actually a tea fanatic.’

‘Well, I’m sure Starbucks Tagaytay also has tea.’

He told me more about him on our way to Tagaytay. We started with the usual: who else knows? When did you find out? Do you have a boyfriend? When did you last have sex? Who did you do it with?

‘Your generation is very lucky.’

‘Really now?’

‘During our time, we have to be extremely discreet.’ He paused for a while as if he was trying to remember the treacherous past he once experienced. His eyes showed how deprived he was and how much difficulty he’s experiencing while trying to catch up with whatever he has missed.

‘It’s good that you started early. You’re very young and pretty. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful life ahead of you.’

‘I’m not too sure about that.’

‘Trust me. At least you don’t have to deal with bigots in the house.’

‘Oh they might not be bigots but they’re very difficult to be with.’

‘Society is very open right now. These days, to get a hook-up you can just log on and fuck.’

‘Well, you need to take a bath and get dressed before you take them off and fuck.’

‘But you see, it’s easier for you guys. It was very different for us. For me.’

Hook-ups are usually fun and exciting and hot. This one was pretty different. Our conversation was very engaging but was a very sad one. I decided to stop it right there and pretended to be sleepy. On our way back, I just slept. I was waiting for him to take advantage of me but he never did. I was glad I didn’t have to pull off an act to get rid of him.

Every time I get depressed about not having a partner or about putting on some weight, I always remember Victor and his sad stories. I always remember how difficult it might have been for him and his generation of gays and think of how fortunate I am. I always tell myself not to waste an opportunity to meet more people and not waste time – for gay life is fabulous whether you’re discreet, out and about or still in the closet.

I wanted a Job

2007-05-28T13:53:00.000+08:00

It was a gloomy Monday morning. Usually, I'd start my day by checking my mails while eating oatmeal for breakfast. I check my blog, reply to comments, read the online version of the Chronicle, check emails, visit Corbin Fisher, chat at guys4men, jack off with Antonio Sabato Jr.'s picture in front of me. This is my typical day. But today is slightly different.

I was running late for a job interview. I saw an ad on the paper last Sunday and I sent my resume immediately. The next morning, I received a text invite for an initial interview and a short examination. The building was a 15 minutes away from me if you were to travel at 2 in the morning. But it was almost 11 o'clock and the skies are showing signs of a storm coming soon. Traffic was already building up. I'm already late.

When I got to the building, I chewed on some mint and wiped my face with my hanky. The company is just starting up their business in the country so they were just renting an executive room. Room 29 was the last room in that hallway and it was probably the most quiet one too. I was expecting a lot of applicants waiting for their name to be called but instead, it was just me and this gorgeous, 5 foot 7 guy who introduced himself as Bruce.

Bruce is such a sexy name.

He was handsome and obviously gay. At first I thought he was a bit aloof but he started smiling and I felt more comfortable talking to him. I took an online exam for about an hour or so. Then, I waited outside for the results.

'Okay, you can come in now.' He was holding my resume while giving me a sexy smile.

'Sure'

'Tell me more about you.'

'I'm 24 years old. I am a writer for the Chronicle..'

'I know. I've read some of your articles. I like the one where you worked as a waiter at Friday's. That was hilarious.'

'Oh yeah? Wow. I can't believe people still read the newspaper.'

'I do.'

In my mind I thought I scored a point. But we weren't even done with the first part of my resume.

'So are you single or married.'

'Does it matter?'

'Maybe. The job is very demanding and we would want to avoid interfering with some of the applicants' chores.' He laughed. I didn't quite get the joke. Actually I wasn't paying attention. I was nervous and at the same time mesmerized by his dazzling eyes. I noticed that his biceps were huge too.

'Uhm--okay. Single.'

'Good.'

'Great.'

'Do you find me attractive?'

'Excuse me?'

'Top or bottom?'

'Uh.... I'm sorry Bruce I...'

Before I could finish, he got up, went for the door and locked it. I got up, shocked by what's just happened and what's about to happen in about a few seconds.

'You didn't answer the question.'

There was a moment of silence. I was still surprised by the way this conversation shifted from a serious job interview to a hot and steamy dirty talk and possibly one hot sex.

'I-I..'

He took off his jacket and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, as if giving me time to think if I wanted it or not. Outside, the heavy rain started to pour and it got even colder inside his fabulous office. I decided if it were a gay movie, this would be the perfect setting for steamy session.

'I'm TOP.'

He ran towards me and kissed me. I grabbed his ass while he continues taking off his shirt. I pushed him to the leather sofa and asked him to bend over. He loosened his belt and took off his pants while I grabbed my wallet for my condom.

'Shit!' I remember I just used the last one last week and haven't bought another since. Bruce noticed and pulled his condom from his pocket.

'Later.'

He went for my crotch, held it tight while I moan in excitement. He unbuttoned my pants while I removed my socks. We kissed. Stopped. Kissed some more. He licked my earlobes and slowly went down on me.

He sure knows how to give someone a blowjob. Despite his obvious struggle of putting my entire meat in his sweet mouth, he managed to still play with his tongue while his lips were busy wrapping the shaft. He dove and went up. Dove and went up. At one point he concentrated on my head, as if fascinated by it, kissed it and gave me the best deep throat I've ever received so far. His tongue moved like a wild reptile trying to break loose. I moan more loudly while feeling every muscle on his biceps. I tried to find his nipples. After several attempts and the distracting sensation brought about by his talent in sucking my cock, i found the tip of his nipple and carressed it. I can tell he liked it.

I fucked him in different positions until all he could tell me is:

'I hope the my Boss hires you so we can fuck all night and day.'

'Do you get yourself fucked by all applicants?'

He giggled. 'For the record, I'm not a slut. I just find you cute and noticed your bulge. You made me hard the first minute you walked into our office.'

'Well, you're cute too.'

'Oh yeah. Great. Uhm.. what did you say your name was again?'

It was right then when I realized I will never get a job here. All I will probably get here is anot her experience in hunting for the best job in town and getting the best blow job instead of a real job.

Caught ONLINE pt. 2

2007-05-26T12:39:00.000+08:00

I don’t know if it was the movie ‘The Craft’ or probably the defunct series ‘Charmed’ that nurtured my interest in New Age literature. I’ve heard of stories about real witches and wiccans (male witches) but never really found out if they were true. My curiosity about their practices led me to the New Age section of the bookstore. A local book was on the shelf and it says ‘Modern Spells and Meditation Guides’. Chapter 5 was about how to surround yourself with an invisible light which will attract others. I bought the book in a New York minute.

I tried Chapter 5 a few days after researching. The book was in pure Filipino and I had trouble translating it to English. For example, there are different shades of Pink but the specific shade the book asked for was something I’ve never heard of. I went to the store to buy all the candles plus a newspaper in order to complete the ‘ingredients’ of the spell.

In my room, I lit the candles around the newspaper and lied down while deeply concentrating and thinking about a glowing light surrounding me. Nothing happened. I tried again and this time I imagined that the light was blinding. I didn’t feel anything. Instead, I was surprised to see my mom barge in and asked what I was doing.

‘What the fuck are you doing you? You trying to be Satan’s follower or something?’

I think the spell didn’t work. I didn’t meet anyone that week. All I got were rashes on my elbows. At first, I thought they were just mosquito bites and were not serious until they started appearing like huge islands on the world map. Worried, I rushed to my dermatologist, who prescribed an anti-allergy plus a few other medications which were only available through her clinic.

‘Contact Dermatitis.’ I was relieved to know that there was a medical explanation for the rashes. Before I went to the doctor, I was convinced that the I didn’t get the correct translation of one of the Filipino colours which resulted to this ugly result.

I was convinced that I should try it again. I went online and was happy to find a wiccan—a gay wiccan looking for other wiccans online. I told him I was interested in Witchcraft and that I failed in my first spell.

‘It was probably the candles.’

‘I thought so too.’

‘Or probably the newspaper. You see, the fold has to be exactly as described in the book.’

‘Uh-huh. I thought I did everything right.’

‘Oh forget about it. You’ll have more luck with your second one.’

But I wasn’t willing to have a second spell. I was afraid that the rashes would appear elsewhere.

(to be continued)

Caught ONLINE pt. 1

2007-05-26T09:15:00.000+08:00

I believe that every gay guy reaches a stage when he has realized he is a homosexual but is not ready to come out just yet. This is a little beyond the denial phase. I’d like to call is the Stage of Pretense as we pretend to be straight for many reasons: 1. We don’t want our friends/family/society in general to change the way they look at us; 2. We feel we may still bounce back to a state of testosterone surplus; and 3. We are just afraid of not being accepted.

Acceptance is very important for the early stages of gay life. The search for acceptance is the start of the long and tiring wait of walking down the street without being teased, holding hands with a partner without hesitating, admitting you’re gay without being fired or demoted. Yes, although we live in a society so open about such ideals as seen in movies and books, these things still occur. And it pains a gay guy to think that we can’t do anything to avoid it.

***

It wasn’t long before I realized that Joel is probably one of the most famous students in the College of Journalism. He had a pretty face which landed on several TV and newspaper ads. He’s a member of one of the biggest organizations in the campus. Moreover, he has a strong personality which reminds you of Paris Hilton—she’s like the bitch you love to hate.

And I did hate his guts. For one, we would both end up on opposite sides of a debate. He loves to slam other people’s ideas and inject his stupid remarks without thinking of how idiotic it may sound. He was annoying. And although I always fall for an annoying, cute bastard, he certainly didn’t tickle my fancy even for just a moment.

I was still in the Stage of Pretense. I was sexually awake and active in online hook-ups. I became addicted. But of course, I was careful not to reveal my identity. If it would have to come to a point that I will do a one-way (check out the guy and leave without him seeing me) I would just to protect myself. I’ve had several experiences in the past wherein I accidentally meet schoolmates, neighbors, church mates online. Hence, the policy was SEND UR PIC, get mine.

Classes were suspended and the boredom struck me hard in my boarding house. I decided to spice up my afternoon with another hook-up. I found a few guys who were interesting but nobody could carry a conversation better than hotBimale23. I asked for his picture and he sent it immediately. When it was my turn to send mine, I hesitated. I know a lot of guys from school chat on the same site. I might be in big trouble. Still, his willingness to send the pic made me decide I should do the same. There was no hook-up though.

***

The next day, my friend Gina approached me. She told me about the latest rumor circulating.

‘You should be aware..’

‘I don’t see any reason why I should be.’

‘You should because it’s about you.’

‘Me?’

‘Joel just told me you’re gay. He said he has proof and he will show it to everyone. Of course, I just laughed it off and told him you’re not but he just kept saying he proved it last night.’

There was certainly some degree of curiosity in her statement. She was waiting for me to confirm or deny it but was unsure of how she will tell me. I shrugged and smiled. Weeks after this incident, I was forced to come out to Gina.

The VITO Experience pt. 1

2007-05-22T17:10:00.000+08:00

If there was something I feared about going to college, it’s enlisting in the Army Reserve Training. The fear of being teased the straight men is inevitable. I never looked forward to the dreadful Sunday mornings led by a man we call the ‘Tiger’. My first day was generally okay. I did 5 push-ups and stood under the scorching heat of the sun for 8 hours. One thing I liked about it is that I had the chance to choose the hottest freshmen and sophomore in the whole university.

We didn’t have a huge field to conduct the weekly trainings. We were asked to train at the Army’s base which is almost two hours away from the campus. There I met Vito, a non-commissioned officer and a sophomore who was then taking up Physical Therapy.

I didn’t really know the job description of NCOs. What I noticed is that they don’t join the battalion. They gather us into formation and scream their lungs out to embarrass the freshmen standing right next to me. One time, we were giggling because a fellow cadet couldn’t hit the target at the shooting range, an NCO named Jared was about an inch close to his face and was asking what the fuck his problem was.

I thought it was pretty hot. Jared is undeniably cute and being that close to him makes me want to giggle some more. He spoke in straight and flawless English which is such a turn-on.

No matter how hot and sexy Jared looked, I only had a crush on him for a week. I realized later on that he was dating the rich, smart and popular student council Councilor Amy from the College of Sciences. He was definitely straight. Me no likey.

So I turned my attention to the gorgeous Vito. He was one of the most popular students at the College of Allied Medicine. Yes, he does have a gorgeous face but that wasn’t why people loved him. The guy’s got a great sense of humour and drives one of the coolest cars too. He also writes for the same major daily.

I don’t remember how our first conversation happened. I do, however, remember the time when I didn’t visit the headquarters for the signing of the logbook. It was when I was told that we’ll be training at the football field so we have to bring lots of Gatorade or water.

It was about 4: 30 AM when I arrived. The formation is in 30 minutes and I didn’t see a single cadet hanging around the stage and the bleachers. I was literally the only one in the field. I went around and asked a few people who passed by. They were Flag Football players who will be training in an hour or so.

I was already walking towards the main gate when Vito’s car showed up. He looked at me and drove away. I was like, ‘Hell, he didn’t even want to talk to me.’ I sat on one of the bleachers and waited for him to drive back to the gate. He did come back, parked his car and finally talked to me.

‘Did you sign the log book this week?’

'No but I was told we’re going to train here. Did you?’

'Nah, I was only told of the same thing. Where the hell is everybody?’

Don’t mind about them. Let’s start talking about you and me, I said to myself. The Army Reserve uniform fits him well. Although he is not really buff and has some baby fat surrounding his pelvis, his sweet looking face has overshadowed my thirst for his flesh.

‘I think I better check on the other site. Maybe they’re still there.’
‘Okay, Will do that too.’

He jumped back into his car and I walked back to the gate. I couldn’t believe it. Don’t these straight guys have manners? He didn’t even bother to offer me a ride. As I was ready to get on the next cab, he yelled out for me to get in the car. I was elated.

‘Thanks man.’ I said. I didn’t want him to think I’m one of those guys who take advantage of free rides.

‘We should get there fast. If they’re already in formation then we’re dead.’

He was always serious about the Reserve Corps. Although he didn’t apply to be an officer, he did have a special position and task being an NCO.

I was right. The other guys were already in formation and the headcount was being checked by another NCO. We got off the car and ran to the formation area. The officers were having a meeting and I was glad they didn’t see us.

‘Thanks Acosta.’ That was his last name. Although that name is sounds a Spanish, he said he was French/Spanish/Chinese/Pakistani.

‘You’re welcome.’ He smiled at me.

***

I was surprised that day for two things. First, we didn’t get caught and I didn’t have to do 50 push-ups. Also, we didn’t really do anything that day. We just listened to a battalion Commander teaching us how to assemble and disassemble a rifle. This was one rare opportunity to get to know the other cadets, most especially Vito.

‘Hey, I’m glad we didn’t get caught.’

‘Yeah.’

‘What course are you taking?’

‘Physical Therapy. Sophomore. You?’

‘Journalism.’ This is when I noticed his initials on his uniform.

‘Your last name sounds very familiar. Acosta. Sounds like the last name of the editor from the newspaper I write for.’

‘You write for the Chronicle?’

‘Yeah, why?’

‘I believe you’re talking about my Uncle. James Acosta. He recently released a book—a compilation of all the essays written for the Youth section.’

‘You’re his nephew?! That’s cool!’

This was the point when we were both getting comfortable and was enjoying the sight of his eyes and lips. He obviously doesn’t smoke.

‘Yes, but before you even say it, I don’t get published because of him.’

‘What? You also write for them?’

‘Lifestyle section. I write about online games and stuff. I have a review coming up. It’s for this CGI flick.’

‘That’s cool. You should tell me when I t comes out.’

‘This Thursday.’

We shared a few more stories about school and the newspaper. It turns out we are both freelance correspondents for the Youth and Lifestyle section. He told me a few tips on how to get more articles published.

We ended the day with a salute to the General of the Army Division based in that compound. It was the best training I attended. As we were about to say our goodbyes, I turned to Vito who was standing right next to me.

‘Hey dude, thanks again for the ride.’

‘Yeah, don’t forget. Thursday. There’s another one coming up..’

‘Yeah.’

‘And tell me what you think.’

‘Uhm, how?’

‘I’m sure I’ll see you in school.’

‘Yeah, I’m sure.’

But I wasn’t sure. His college was five blocks away from mine. I didn’t even know his schedule. I tried a few times to use my connection as a Student Assistant to find out what his schedule was. I went to his college, wishing we’d bump into each other. I’d tell him the article was great when I haven’t really read it. I’d talk some more and probably we can have lunch together. But it was impossible. This straight guy wouldn’t really spend that much time with a fellow cadet he just met last Sunday.

As I was holding his article at school, I was reading his name out loud. VITO ACOSTA. Very sexy. And he writes well. I looked forward to seeing him again and talking more not just about writing but about anything.

I didn’t see him for months. I moved to another battalion and he was moved somewhere else. It was on a wet Friday morning when I bumped into him at the Administration office.

‘Hey I know you.’ I said with a nervous voice.

‘I know you too. Musta?’

‘I’m cool. Haven’t seen you at the training lately.’

‘Yeah, they moved some of the NCOs to the office. I don’t go to the field anymore.’

‘Coolness. No wonder your skin’s fairer haha!’ What I really noticed is how cute he really was. His smile was glowing and his growing beard made him a little sexier than the last time I saw him.

I was ready to say goodbye when he stopped me.

‘You never really told me what you thought about it.’

‘Huh? About what?’

‘The article… Final Fantasy?’ I was surprised he remembered.

‘Oh.. right. It was great.’ Emphasis on GREAT. ‘ I loved it.’

‘Glad you did. I have another one this week. Don’t miss it.’

‘Yeah. Hey see you around!’

‘Yeah.’

And I had a great feeling that I really am going to see more of him.

And I did.

Attempt #2 pt. 3: Post Lesbian Talks

2007-05-21T16:33:00.000+08:00

The next day, Jona and I decided to do a little shopping. She broke the news about what happened the other night. The part about her being drunk didn’t surprise me at all. Her being a lesbian? I suspected that from the first minute she walked into the room. I guess the reason why Jona is making a big deal about it was the fact that the whole class was introduced to each and every member of her happy family. She’s happily married to another journalist. Nobody had a clue.

The part she cannot get over with is when Professor Daria couldn’t stop talking about me and my supposed relationship with Jona.

‘It’s like she knew there’s something going on between us but we’re hiding it or something.’

‘That’s funny.’

‘I know. Wanna hear more?’

‘Yeah?’

‘She was—like—convincing me to—like—stay away from you because…’

‘..because?’

‘..because she said you’re gay.’

‘Huh? Why did I get involved in the first place.’

‘I don’t know, that’s what she kept telling me. You’re gay and that you’re just sort of using me to prove others you’re not.’

‘Do you believe her?’

'She wondered for five seconds. She smiled and told me she didn’t. She said she knew me very well and that she thinks I’m not gay.

‘But it’s definitely a possibility.’

‘Excuse me?’

At this point we were ready to get off the train. There were all sorts of noises surrounding us. Her statements were definitely part of the whole big mess. I was getting irritated. I certainly know I am but I hate it when people keep rubbing in it like it’s supposed to be a big deal.

‘Come on now… I still would respect you.’

I tried to stop her right there. I was already looking exasperated and she might think I’m guilty. I smiled at her and said, ‘No. I’m not. Period.’

**

FAST FORWARD 2007.

Jona and I havent’t talked in ages. When I saw that she’s online I IM’d her. I asked her how she’s doing. She’s not a pilates instructor for a well-known gym. I asked if she can give me tips on how to lose weight. She gave me a few tips. We ended up discussing her cursed lovelife.

‘Is there something wrong with me? If I don’t fall for an asshole, I fall for gay guys.’

‘Uh-huh…’

‘My heart is so fucked up. There’s this hot guy at the gym and he kept looking at me. But no! He was looking at my freaking shirt. He said he liked it and asked where I bought it.’

‘Well, that’s a good way to start a conversation.’

‘Yeah, if it’s an ordinary shirt. You know what’s on mine? I KISS BOYS.’

‘Hahahahahaha!’ I was tempted to ask her where she bought it but I decided this ain’t about me. At least not today.

‘Quit laughing , okay? It’s not funny.’

‘Well, if you said he’s cute and all why can you not just give him to…’

‘Give him to who?'

‘A GAY GUY dammit.’

‘Like who? Shit. I hate giving away my fish..especially to a gay guy. Oh if you were gay I would haha!’

Wow. This was certainly an opportunity. We shared the photo online and yes, the guy’s a hunk! Definitely hotter than the sun.

‘Then why don’t you give him to me? Hahaha!’

‘Shut up.. you’re NOT gay.’

‘Jona, I AM.’

‘Shut up… ARE you?!’

‘Yes.’

‘Kai, you’re not okay? I know you. I know you VERY well. Sure you were confused at one point but I know you’re not.’

TOINK.

As I logged off, I smiled. I imagine our college days then I whispered, ‘Jona, you have no idea.’