Monday, February 11, 2008

Great Expectations - LAST page

He kept whispering in my ear:

I love you Kai... I really do.

But that just doesn't cut it. I was pinned down for probably the nth time since we started this sexual play and I was now being forced to give something I am not willing to give.

In certain societies, old and existing ones, forcibly penetrating another man is some form of powergrabbing. It makes the bottom embarrass himself, take away his soul and dignity, while the top gains power and bragging rites over taking the other's 'manhood'.

This was on my mind while my face was pressed against one pillow, and my underwear was being taken away from me. I've never felt so violated while my butt is exposed, this time to someone I thought I could trust. I was filled with shame and anger and I was fighting back but I simply couldn't.

It was useless. Victor was stronger. I surrendered to his sexual hunger. With every thrust came an unbelievable kind of pain I have never felt in my entire life, which weakened my legs, arms, and even my brain. I imagine my eyes rolling. I was breathing heavily, this time not able to speak. I only moaned, not in pleasure but in pain. I hated every minute of it.

I couldn't remember half of what happened that night. What I do remember was that I tried to escape from the sight of a hungry man behind me, I was looking at the magazine rack we made when we were kids. I imagined us playing Lego pirates in the tub. I remembered how we tease each other, fight, then forget about everything the next day. I remember how it ended the first time. Maybe it was time to end it once again.... once and for all.

A couple of condom packs fell on the floor. After about an hour, I was lying on the bed, unable to move. He went to the bathroom. I struggled to stand up but I couldn't.

'Are you okay?' He had the audacity to ask.
'Get the fuck out here. NOW.'

A few words were exchanged but none will ever be remembered. The next day, the rack disappeared on the face of the Earth and so did our short-lived relationship that caused me pain and regret that I hoped I'd never experience ever again.

Phone numbers were changed. I moved to a different place. In a short period of time, Victor was completely out of my life. I haven't exactly figured out if it was what I wanted.

A few months later, a note was forwarded to my new address. It was from Victor.


I did something bad. Bad. Bad. It's time to make things right.
No amount of words can ever make up for the things I did.
But please know that I am truly sorry. I didn't realize I went
too far and hurt you. I didn't mean to. Please let me love you
again and let me make it up to you.'

He left his cellphone number saying he knew I've erased it but he would appreciate at least an acknowledgment of the note.


I don't think it was your fault. I was just the unfortunate person who was able to help you discover what you really wanted. I'm glad to have helped you, if I did. I had great expectations for our relationship but I realized that was an early mistake I did. I expected too much from you. When the time has come that you finally realized what I am to you, let me know. For now, I wish you the best. This will be the last message you will receive from me. I expect you to do the same.

Please don't let that last expectation be another false one.'


Thanks to those who followed this story. I appreciate all your emails and comments. There's more to come.


  1. The most awaited chapter. Thank you.

    I love the narrative.

    Was this based on some incident in your life?

  2. Wow.

    This was quite the amazing story - I know I said it before, but I really appreciate your sharing this tale with all of us.

    I hope you came out of this experience somehow better for it.

  3. @ Dr. Magsasaka: oh gee thanks! Hope to see you again here when the next story comes out.

    @ Rocky: As always, thanks for your kind words.

  4. hi kai, nice blog--had fun reading this last series...hope you don't mind me adding you to my blog roll;)

  5. @urkyules: sure! Thanks for dropping by. There's more in the archives so feel free to read and comment =)

  6. happy valentines kai. di na natuloy balak natin manuod ng mga indie indie films sa UP adarna?? :(

    enyweys, d end of ds series. hmmnn... i was just wandering... shouldn't be d penetration part of the whole m2m relationship??? sori...

  7. @Josh: It may be hard to believe, but some relationships lasted for years even without penetration.

    point is, if it's not your thing then it's not your thing.

  8. Hi thanks for the visit.

    Is this a true to life story?

  9. wow. i really love the ending of this story kai.
    and the last message you have for vik was very good.

    i really thought you were gonna say some bad stuff after what he did.. but that was very commendable of you.

  10. I am just tounge tied. Beautifully done.

    Sana may magandang ending. Heheheheh! (Hoping pa rin.)