Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Ex-Ex-Men - Fourth encounter

I had a choice - I could have gone ahead and made it look like his small bachelor party before he gets married to that girl Janna. Instead, I treated is as a small victory and a chance for him to make sense out of everything that happened in the past two weeks.

'What was that about?' He asked while still fixing his shirt.

'So, you ready to tell me what's going on here.'
'Nothing - that's what's happening here.'
'No, not here. I meant this whole circus.'
'Nobody's going to a circus. I'm getting married.'
'Well, it seems like it is.'
'You don't understand.'

I went back to the kitchen to make some coffee when he stood up and tried to escape.

'You are NOT going anywhere.'
'I'm not. I-I was.' He sat down and kept staring at his hands like he just killed someone.

'It's okay,' I gave him some coffee. 'It's me.'
'That's the big deal.'
'What? We're like friends Yoko.'
'You wouldn't understand.'
'That's because you wouldn't let me.'

And then he started talking. He told me after we broke up, he was upset and he started fooling around. He met this guy, a model whom he fell in love with. They dated, fell in love and broke up. He was down and all and he felt that he couldn't talk to anyone. This is until he met Janna who worked in the same building where he works.

'She was so nice. She helped me move on.'
'So she does know about all this.'
'Yes, and she was so cool with it. I always thank God for making her understand --'
'That you like cock?'
'Haha, no silly. For making her understand my past. What I used to be. And the funny thing is she changed me.'

I frowned.

'Well I'm not too sure that she changed you 100%.'

He looked down in shame.

'I'm kidding.' I held his hands. They were cold.
'Have you--'
'Have I what?'
'Have you had any slips? Like this one?'
'No. No. Hell no. I love her. I wouldn't...'
'You just did.'

There was silence. He was melting in shame after what we did -- ALMOST did.

'I thought I could help it but I couldn't.'
'But you have to know that this only happened with you.'

I blushed.

'So many guys tried it.'
'I can't blame them.'
'And even some of Janna's gay friends did. Like they had a bet or something.'
'Well, if it's any consolation, I think you're doing an excellent job masking your un-happiness.'
'Who says I'm unhappy?'
'Okay, then let's call it something else. Your game, perhaps?'
'I told you. It's not like that.'

I wasn't convinced.

'How do you see yourself 5 years from now?'
'Well, we're planning on having kids and..'
'..And going to some bath house sucking cock while she's cooking dinner?'
'Or calling me in the middle of the night saying, I'm having a relapse please fuck me?'
'STOP it Kai.'
'Seriously! You're hurting her and most importantly, you're hurting yourself.'

I saw teardrops but I wasn't sure. He quickly wiped them off like he'd wipe off some dirt on his face. He was obviously on the verge of breaking down but he didn't.

'I have to go.'
'Yeah, you have to watch Sean Cody porn right?'
'Fuck you.'
'Sure, I can be bottom for you.'

He slammed the door. It made a deafening sound that blocked my thoughts for a second. The suddenly, I just imagined what could have happened if I continued.. if I kissed him.. if I gave him a blowjob and vice versa. Would I expect a shit load of cum since he's claiming he hadn't been with a guy for so long? That would have been a sight to behold.

But soon after, I thought of his pain. Or is it pain? Was he really masking his unhappiness like I told him?

The next day, I decided I should go talk to the person who would most probably shed some light into this situation. I called Diana, Yoko's sister.

'Hey Diana,'
'Hey bestman! Long time no see.'
'Uhm, yeah. Listen... I need to know something.'
'Oh I'm sure you do.'
'Right. Uhm... is it okay like are you free now?'
'Actually, I'm at Coffee Bean. Meet me here in 15?'

It only took 10 minutes for me to get there. I was anxious to see what she was going to tell me. She sounded not so surprised to hear from me.

'So, what do you wanna know?'
'I wanna know why?'
'Why? Just because.'
'Just because?'
'Yeah, some people choose to marry not just for convenience -- it's because it's the way they want to go.'
'Like he suddenly turned vegan in a day?'
'You're obviously just looking at the sex part.'
'Is there any other angle?'

The conversation was interrupted for a second by the barista who was calling out my name. I got my drink and let her continue.

'They're just two consenting adults who, at the time they met were both lonely and single but wouldn't want to stay that way forever. And I know it's a cliche to say having a family is the way to go but that's what they thought they should do.'

She sipped her coffee while I became immobile. My jaws dropped and I couldn't get myself to get them back in place.

'You should know something, Kai.'
'Oh, there's more??'
'Yes there is.'

Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Ex-Ex-Men - Third encounter

'People do it for convenience.' George, my cynical friend believed it was Yoko's way of forgetting about his failed relationship with me (and maybe some other men too).

I wanted to believe him but part of me isn't quite sure he's right.

'He sounded sure about his decision to marry the bitch.'
'Is she a bitch?'
'No, actually she was great.'
'Which proves my point that it's all for convenience.'
'I don't think so.'

'Seriously Kai, you've seen them all. Gay guys who marry because they want to have their own children. Or maybe they just are afraid to die alone. Or worse, they're afraid to admit to themselves and to their families that they're gay.'

'Well, that's one sad theory.'
'It is! And believe me it's happening -- all over town.'


That night, I thought about the other people I know who fall under George's 'convenience' theory. There's John from Cebu-- who was gayer than gay. He's an interior designer but since his father is a strict military man who makes him do push ups and participate in military circuit trainings, he was forced to be a schizo. A flamboyant whore at night in Malate, and an ultra-discreet designer by day -- with a nice, tight ass you wouldn't even suspect he's gay.

When his father was starting to suspect that he's gay (when he turned 25 and never showed up at family gatherings with a girlfriend), he started to worry. So he got himself a born again christian girlfriend who believed he was the perfect guy anyone could wish for. We cringe everytime the girl describes how 'hot the sex is'. It certainly IS hot, only it happens when he does it at the backroom of the bath house in Pasig.

Many people convinced the girl not to marry John because most of them either knew he was gay or their gaydar was always going crazy when he's around. The perfect girlfriend didn't believe them. Instead, on one low Wednesday, she got on top of her intoxicated gay boyfriend and fucked him in his sleep. When John woke up, he was shocked when he saw he wasn't wearing a condom. He tried to stop the girl but she kept screaming 'Shut up! Shut up! You're not gay! You're not gay!'

By the fifth time she yelled out those words, he came inside her. She found out she was pregnant three weeks after.

They went on with their lives, got married and migrated to Canada. What she didn't know was that Toronto is one popular gay destination. He went on with his tricks while she nursed their baby. By the time the kid turned two, she learned he was already fucking a 23-year-old French-Canadian writer whom he introduced to her as his 'cousin'.

John and the girl eventually broke up after 2 and a half years of pseudo marriage. They talked about time-sharing their little kid and some other stuff. John broke up with the writer and is now fucking a hot bartender from New York.


'So what's the point of being an Ex-ex-man if it's all going to turn to shit?'
'I don't know. Maybe he thinks he needs to go back to where he was before?'
'Homostatus starts with the genes, that's his starting point hunny and he shouldn't be fooling himself.'
'Somehow I think John's case was really extreme.'
'Like it happened in the movies.'
'Right, and so it doesn't apply to all.'

Convinced that I should prove my point to George the cynic, I decided I should device a plan that would make Yoko admit that this is all just a show wedding. I invited him to my new apartment and he agreed to have some drinks. I pulled off an all-nighter, studying how to mix the strongest vodka drinks since we both love them.

He was 30 minutes late but he was there anyway.

'This is nice.'
'And big for me.'
'Well, I think you have enough stuff to fill the entire space.'

He took a sip of his drink. I was thinking of putting drugs on it and raping him. So when he wakes up, he realizes it was a good fuck -- and that he's really not going to get tied to a live pussy.

But my conscience voted against it.

'This is a strong drink.'
'Thanks, glad you liked it.'
'Where'd you learn how to mix?'
'On YouTube. Last night.'

It was weird. We were not talking like we had a past relationship. He was uttering words which seemed so foreign to me. He looked very uncomfortable. So I decided to get the ball rollin'.

I put my glass down and I touched his pecs. He was surprised I did that.

'Do you still have that tattoo?'
'Oh, right. Uhm yeah.'
'Can I see it?'

It was still there. Only it got 'modified' into something straighter than a straight guy's tattoo.

'Oh, you changed it.'
'Just did some modifications.'
'Well, it looks nice.

I kept touching it. I was drunk and suddenly, I just started licking his nipples. The tattoo was about an inch above his pinkies.

He stopped me.

'You're drunk.'
'You're hot.'

I tried to kiss him on the lips. I had a couple of successful attempts but he kept pushing me away, even tough as I touch his penis, I could feel him getting harder and harder. His balls were like swelling in the heat of the moment. He was horny. He wanted me.

'I know you want it.'
'No Kai..'
'I've missed you.'

I unbuttoned his pants. I forgot he doesn't wear underwear. I took out his semi-hard cock. Meanwhile, He was still trying to push me away.

'Kai, please don't..'
'I want you Yoko. I miss you.'

I pushed him to the sofa and he was pushing my shoulders away from him. I was trying to reach his cock with my mouth. The push wasn't as strong as it should be. I figured he was still trying to decide if he'll let me do it or not.

I was determined to bring home the bacon -- back to cockville where it belongswww.

'You're so hot. I still crave for you.'
'Kai please...'
'I love it when you say my name.'

I finally grabbed his hands and went for it. The strong drinks made him weaker. I finally sucked his cock and did my signature deep throat. He was moaning in pleasure.

'Ahhh.. Kai no.'
'No Kai. Stop. Ahhhhhh. Don't... Stop..'

I did. I stopped. I went to the kicthen, grabbed a glass of water and sat down. He was still gasping for air. He looked baffled.


He pulled his pants up.

'This is a mistake.' He was ready to leave when I pushed him to the couch.

'Not so fast Ennis Del Mar.'

He gave me a look. I smiled. I gave him the glass of water. He still looked confused.

'Now we can talk.'

Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Ex-Ex-Men - Second encounter

I called George the next day, still unable to fathom what was revealed to me at the coffee shop.

'He turned into an Ex-ex-man!'
'You know, Ex-ex-men. Gay guys who decide to be straight again.'
'Oh, I get it now. Hence the double negation.'
'I just can't believe you would trade a cock for a pussy just like that.'
'It's 6 in the morning and we're talking cock trades?'
'How did this happen?'
'Ask Seth.'

Seth was the first ex-ex-man I met. At the age of 4, he wore his mother's lipstick. At 7 he told his dad he wants to have a vagina. He left them some months after when his mom supported the idea. When he was in high school, he wore his polo like a hanging blouse. The guidance counselor frowned at this but when they realized how generous his parents were, they pretended like it's a giant elephant that nobody can talk about.

'Did you recruit my ex?'
'Excuse me?'
'Yoko, did he join your club?'
'Oh him.. cu-- how is he?'
'Well, George and I bumped into him yesterday and guess what he told me?'
'He's moved on and forgotten about you?'
'Well, yeah maybe and even more.'

I paused. He looked anxious to know what it was about.

'He told me he's getting married.'
'To a woman.'
'WOW! He finally saw the light!'
'The light - what does that even mean?'
'I knew he wasn't really gay.'
'And you knew this because..?'
'Because he never looked at you like a man would..'
'Okay stop before you hurt my feelings. What I really would like to know is how on earth could this be possible.'

'Simple. You wake up and realize it's not what you want.'
'It's not that simple Seth.'

I thought about this so carefully, especially when the time when Seth wanted to be called Selena played in my head.

'When I saw the light..'
'Can you please stop calling it that.'
'Fine. When I realized I'm straight, I just fell for someone. Julie was perfect. She made me laugh and I was happy. Believe me, I never really entertained the idea of having sex with a woman but when it happened it was the best sex I had.'

That made me cringe a bit.

'Really, did you yell for the cops?'
'Seriously, I think people change.'
'Sexualities don't.'
'Maybe they do. Mine did.

The next day, I decided to call the ex-ex-men and ask him how he ended up being a vegetarian.

'You busy?'
'Just some wedding stuff but yeah I guess we can talk.'
'Okay, jokes on me. Please tell me you're not doing this?'
'Excuse me, is this Julia Roberts from My Best Friend's Wedding?'
'No, I am not Julia Roberts and I am not your best

friend. I'm your ex and I hope you still remember that.'
'Oh yeah I do.'
'Then why are you doing this?'
'Doing what?'

'This wedding. This act. This lie. Make no mistake I am not jealous at all that you've found a way to distract yourself. And I am not trying to get back with you either. I am just mostly concerned about this whole drama of yours. You'll end up hurting someone and she seems really nice.'

'She is nice.'
'Then why would you lie to her??'
'I'm not lying to anyone.'
'Yes you are. You are gay and you suck cock. You don't wake up one day and decide that you hate beef.'

There was an awkward silence.

'Hey I'm sorry. I-I was just concerned about you.'
'Janna knows.'
'About you. About us. Our past.'
'She does? How..'
'Maybe you have to start believing in love a bit. People fall in love and some just cannot control how it's gonna happen. It happened this way to me -- believe it or not. I was in love with you. And I accepted that. Now I fell in love with her and you have to accept that.'

He had a point. Maybe there was no need to define what was happening to him. Our society is defined by so many labels - gay, straight, bisexual. Maybe he didn't subscribe to the same labels.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

The Ex-Ex-Men - first encounter

Fully recovered from the whole 'married life' drama, I decided to meet George for coffee and tell him what happened at Krispy Kreme. He was elated at the fact that he was right again.

'Dahling', He said in that crazy tone of his. 'if you really have to say I'm happily married then that's a big sign someone isn't so happy after all.'

'I realized that. Why state the obvious?'
'Or why state the NOT so obvious?'
'True. You're right. But the quote unquote husband is kinda cute.'
'Cute and homophobic.'
'See that's the weird. How can a homo be anti-homo?'
'It's called F-E-A-R dahling.'
'Stop calling me dahling makes me crazy.'

He sipped his coffee while I asked the barista about the tea I ordered 2 minutes ago. Sadly, they forgot about me. Tea drinkers don't get enough attention at coffee shops evidently.

'It's sad though. Anyway, I want to put it all behind me.'
'You should. I bet his face spelled loser on his way out.'
'Yes, it did.'

The tea finally came and the cute barista apologized for making me wait. I told him it's fine but it actually wasn't. As he left the table, he revealed what was behind him - a bigger table with two people having what seems to be a fun conversation. I could see a woman's back, and then suddenly, I realized my ex was staring at me.

George had to whisper, 'Isn't that..?'
'Yes it is.' I pretended I didn't see him. But I heard him excuse himself as he walked towards our table.

'You must have forgotten about me.'
'Ohh, hey Yoko.' It was his nickname.
'Long time no see.'
'Yeah, 3 years?'
'So what's new?'

George signaled for a cigarette break. He left us right after he sat.

'Nothing new. How about you.'
'Well, I'm getting married.'
'Excuse me?'
'Can you believe it?'
'No.. really. Seriously?'
'Yeah. Janna over there. I wanted you to meet her but I figured I should ask you first..'
'Ask me what?'
'How you want to be introduced.'
'Well, can I say we used to date, fuck and kiss and that you were my ex?'
'Of course not. Janna doesn't know any of that.'
'So what now?'

He called out her name. She joined us and the uncomfortable introductions began.

'This is Janna, the love of my life.'

I almost threw up. I imagined his legs up in the air while yelling, telling me not to stop fucking him.

'Hi Janna.'
'So nice to finally meet you!'
'Oh yeah?'
'Yoko told me everything about you.'
'Yeah, maybe not all.'

He gave me a funny look.

'You so cannot miss the wedding. I don't have the invitation here but we'll send it to your place.'
'Oh, I don't know..'
'You can't miss it when you're the best man!'

There I was - an ex-partner suddenly reduced to a best man.