Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Ex-Ex-Men - Fourth encounter

I had a choice - I could have gone ahead and made it look like his small bachelor party before he gets married to that girl Janna. Instead, I treated is as a small victory and a chance for him to make sense out of everything that happened in the past two weeks.

'What was that about?' He asked while still fixing his shirt.

'So, you ready to tell me what's going on here.'
'Nothing - that's what's happening here.'
'No, not here. I meant this whole circus.'
'Nobody's going to a circus. I'm getting married.'
'Well, it seems like it is.'
'You don't understand.'

I went back to the kitchen to make some coffee when he stood up and tried to escape.

'You are NOT going anywhere.'
'I'm not. I-I was.' He sat down and kept staring at his hands like he just killed someone.

'It's okay,' I gave him some coffee. 'It's me.'
'That's the big deal.'
'What? We're like friends Yoko.'
'You wouldn't understand.'
'That's because you wouldn't let me.'

And then he started talking. He told me after we broke up, he was upset and he started fooling around. He met this guy, a model whom he fell in love with. They dated, fell in love and broke up. He was down and all and he felt that he couldn't talk to anyone. This is until he met Janna who worked in the same building where he works.

'She was so nice. She helped me move on.'
'So she does know about all this.'
'Yes, and she was so cool with it. I always thank God for making her understand --'
'That you like cock?'
'Haha, no silly. For making her understand my past. What I used to be. And the funny thing is she changed me.'

I frowned.

'Well I'm not too sure that she changed you 100%.'

He looked down in shame.

'I'm kidding.' I held his hands. They were cold.
'Have you--'
'Have I what?'
'Have you had any slips? Like this one?'
'No. No. Hell no. I love her. I wouldn't...'
'You just did.'

There was silence. He was melting in shame after what we did -- ALMOST did.

'I thought I could help it but I couldn't.'
'But you have to know that this only happened with you.'

I blushed.

'So many guys tried it.'
'I can't blame them.'
'And even some of Janna's gay friends did. Like they had a bet or something.'
'Well, if it's any consolation, I think you're doing an excellent job masking your un-happiness.'
'Who says I'm unhappy?'
'Okay, then let's call it something else. Your game, perhaps?'
'I told you. It's not like that.'

I wasn't convinced.

'How do you see yourself 5 years from now?'
'Well, we're planning on having kids and..'
'..And going to some bath house sucking cock while she's cooking dinner?'
'Or calling me in the middle of the night saying, I'm having a relapse please fuck me?'
'STOP it Kai.'
'Seriously! You're hurting her and most importantly, you're hurting yourself.'

I saw teardrops but I wasn't sure. He quickly wiped them off like he'd wipe off some dirt on his face. He was obviously on the verge of breaking down but he didn't.

'I have to go.'
'Yeah, you have to watch Sean Cody porn right?'
'Fuck you.'
'Sure, I can be bottom for you.'

He slammed the door. It made a deafening sound that blocked my thoughts for a second. The suddenly, I just imagined what could have happened if I continued.. if I kissed him.. if I gave him a blowjob and vice versa. Would I expect a shit load of cum since he's claiming he hadn't been with a guy for so long? That would have been a sight to behold.

But soon after, I thought of his pain. Or is it pain? Was he really masking his unhappiness like I told him?

The next day, I decided I should go talk to the person who would most probably shed some light into this situation. I called Diana, Yoko's sister.

'Hey Diana,'
'Hey bestman! Long time no see.'
'Uhm, yeah. Listen... I need to know something.'
'Oh I'm sure you do.'
'Right. Uhm... is it okay like are you free now?'
'Actually, I'm at Coffee Bean. Meet me here in 15?'

It only took 10 minutes for me to get there. I was anxious to see what she was going to tell me. She sounded not so surprised to hear from me.

'So, what do you wanna know?'
'I wanna know why?'
'Why? Just because.'
'Just because?'
'Yeah, some people choose to marry not just for convenience -- it's because it's the way they want to go.'
'Like he suddenly turned vegan in a day?'
'You're obviously just looking at the sex part.'
'Is there any other angle?'

The conversation was interrupted for a second by the barista who was calling out my name. I got my drink and let her continue.

'They're just two consenting adults who, at the time they met were both lonely and single but wouldn't want to stay that way forever. And I know it's a cliche to say having a family is the way to go but that's what they thought they should do.'

She sipped her coffee while I became immobile. My jaws dropped and I couldn't get myself to get them back in place.

'You should know something, Kai.'
'Oh, there's more??'
'Yes there is.'


  1. I dunno - to accuse him of "slipping" seems unfair since this was practically rape, for lack of a softer term.

    Given his situation, I suppose it lends credence to the concept we fall in love with people in terms of who they are and not necessarily as a gender. If we close our minds to think gay men can only go with gay men forever makes us commit the same mistakes that bigoted straight people do when they say we should never be gay.

  2. your story is interesting. I thought at first, it is your story happening in your dear real life until the message on your blog saying all the stories are fictional.

    But hey! It is great. I can't wait for the next installment.