Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Ex-Ex-Men - Fourth encounter

I had a choice - I could have gone ahead and made it look like his small bachelor party before he gets married to that girl Janna. Instead, I treated is as a small victory and a chance for him to make sense out of everything that happened in the past two weeks.

'What was that about?' He asked while still fixing his shirt.

'So, you ready to tell me what's going on here.'
'Nothing - that's what's happening here.'
'No, not here. I meant this whole circus.'
'Nobody's going to a circus. I'm getting married.'
'Well, it seems like it is.'
'You don't understand.'

I went back to the kitchen to make some coffee when he stood up and tried to escape.

'You are NOT going anywhere.'
'I'm not. I-I was.' He sat down and kept staring at his hands like he just killed someone.

'It's okay,' I gave him some coffee. 'It's me.'
'That's the big deal.'
'What? We're like friends Yoko.'
'You wouldn't understand.'
'That's because you wouldn't let me.'

And then he started talking. He told me after we broke up, he was upset and he started fooling around. He met this guy, a model whom he fell in love with. They dated, fell in love and broke up. He was down and all and he felt that he couldn't talk to anyone. This is until he met Janna who worked in the same building where he works.

'She was so nice. She helped me move on.'
'So she does know about all this.'
'Yes, and she was so cool with it. I always thank God for making her understand --'
'That you like cock?'
'Haha, no silly. For making her understand my past. What I used to be. And the funny thing is she changed me.'

I frowned.

'Well I'm not too sure that she changed you 100%.'

He looked down in shame.

'I'm kidding.' I held his hands. They were cold.
'Have you--'
'Have I what?'
'Have you had any slips? Like this one?'
'No. No. Hell no. I love her. I wouldn't...'
'You just did.'

There was silence. He was melting in shame after what we did -- ALMOST did.

'I thought I could help it but I couldn't.'
'But you have to know that this only happened with you.'

I blushed.

'So many guys tried it.'
'I can't blame them.'
'And even some of Janna's gay friends did. Like they had a bet or something.'
'Well, if it's any consolation, I think you're doing an excellent job masking your un-happiness.'
'Who says I'm unhappy?'
'Okay, then let's call it something else. Your game, perhaps?'
'I told you. It's not like that.'

I wasn't convinced.

'How do you see yourself 5 years from now?'
'Well, we're planning on having kids and..'
'..And going to some bath house sucking cock while she's cooking dinner?'
'Or calling me in the middle of the night saying, I'm having a relapse please fuck me?'
'STOP it Kai.'
'Seriously! You're hurting her and most importantly, you're hurting yourself.'

I saw teardrops but I wasn't sure. He quickly wiped them off like he'd wipe off some dirt on his face. He was obviously on the verge of breaking down but he didn't.

'I have to go.'
'Yeah, you have to watch Sean Cody porn right?'
'Fuck you.'
'Sure, I can be bottom for you.'

He slammed the door. It made a deafening sound that blocked my thoughts for a second. The suddenly, I just imagined what could have happened if I continued.. if I kissed him.. if I gave him a blowjob and vice versa. Would I expect a shit load of cum since he's claiming he hadn't been with a guy for so long? That would have been a sight to behold.

But soon after, I thought of his pain. Or is it pain? Was he really masking his unhappiness like I told him?

The next day, I decided I should go talk to the person who would most probably shed some light into this situation. I called Diana, Yoko's sister.

'Hey Diana,'
'Hey bestman! Long time no see.'
'Uhm, yeah. Listen... I need to know something.'
'Oh I'm sure you do.'
'Right. Uhm... is it okay like are you free now?'
'Actually, I'm at Coffee Bean. Meet me here in 15?'

It only took 10 minutes for me to get there. I was anxious to see what she was going to tell me. She sounded not so surprised to hear from me.

'So, what do you wanna know?'
'I wanna know why?'
'Why? Just because.'
'Just because?'
'Yeah, some people choose to marry not just for convenience -- it's because it's the way they want to go.'
'Like he suddenly turned vegan in a day?'
'You're obviously just looking at the sex part.'
'Is there any other angle?'

The conversation was interrupted for a second by the barista who was calling out my name. I got my drink and let her continue.

'They're just two consenting adults who, at the time they met were both lonely and single but wouldn't want to stay that way forever. And I know it's a cliche to say having a family is the way to go but that's what they thought they should do.'

She sipped her coffee while I became immobile. My jaws dropped and I couldn't get myself to get them back in place.

'You should know something, Kai.'
'Oh, there's more??'
'Yes there is.'

Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Ex-Ex-Men - Third encounter

'People do it for convenience.' George, my cynical friend believed it was Yoko's way of forgetting about his failed relationship with me (and maybe some other men too).

I wanted to believe him but part of me isn't quite sure he's right.

'He sounded sure about his decision to marry the bitch.'
'Is she a bitch?'
'No, actually she was great.'
'Which proves my point that it's all for convenience.'
'I don't think so.'

'Seriously Kai, you've seen them all. Gay guys who marry because they want to have their own children. Or maybe they just are afraid to die alone. Or worse, they're afraid to admit to themselves and to their families that they're gay.'

'Well, that's one sad theory.'
'It is! And believe me it's happening -- all over town.'


That night, I thought about the other people I know who fall under George's 'convenience' theory. There's John from Cebu-- who was gayer than gay. He's an interior designer but since his father is a strict military man who makes him do push ups and participate in military circuit trainings, he was forced to be a schizo. A flamboyant whore at night in Malate, and an ultra-discreet designer by day -- with a nice, tight ass you wouldn't even suspect he's gay.

When his father was starting to suspect that he's gay (when he turned 25 and never showed up at family gatherings with a girlfriend), he started to worry. So he got himself a born again christian girlfriend who believed he was the perfect guy anyone could wish for. We cringe everytime the girl describes how 'hot the sex is'. It certainly IS hot, only it happens when he does it at the backroom of the bath house in Pasig.

Many people convinced the girl not to marry John because most of them either knew he was gay or their gaydar was always going crazy when he's around. The perfect girlfriend didn't believe them. Instead, on one low Wednesday, she got on top of her intoxicated gay boyfriend and fucked him in his sleep. When John woke up, he was shocked when he saw he wasn't wearing a condom. He tried to stop the girl but she kept screaming 'Shut up! Shut up! You're not gay! You're not gay!'

By the fifth time she yelled out those words, he came inside her. She found out she was pregnant three weeks after.

They went on with their lives, got married and migrated to Canada. What she didn't know was that Toronto is one popular gay destination. He went on with his tricks while she nursed their baby. By the time the kid turned two, she learned he was already fucking a 23-year-old French-Canadian writer whom he introduced to her as his 'cousin'.

John and the girl eventually broke up after 2 and a half years of pseudo marriage. They talked about time-sharing their little kid and some other stuff. John broke up with the writer and is now fucking a hot bartender from New York.


'So what's the point of being an Ex-ex-man if it's all going to turn to shit?'
'I don't know. Maybe he thinks he needs to go back to where he was before?'
'Homostatus starts with the genes, that's his starting point hunny and he shouldn't be fooling himself.'
'Somehow I think John's case was really extreme.'
'Like it happened in the movies.'
'Right, and so it doesn't apply to all.'

Convinced that I should prove my point to George the cynic, I decided I should device a plan that would make Yoko admit that this is all just a show wedding. I invited him to my new apartment and he agreed to have some drinks. I pulled off an all-nighter, studying how to mix the strongest vodka drinks since we both love them.

He was 30 minutes late but he was there anyway.

'This is nice.'
'And big for me.'
'Well, I think you have enough stuff to fill the entire space.'

He took a sip of his drink. I was thinking of putting drugs on it and raping him. So when he wakes up, he realizes it was a good fuck -- and that he's really not going to get tied to a live pussy.

But my conscience voted against it.

'This is a strong drink.'
'Thanks, glad you liked it.'
'Where'd you learn how to mix?'
'On YouTube. Last night.'

It was weird. We were not talking like we had a past relationship. He was uttering words which seemed so foreign to me. He looked very uncomfortable. So I decided to get the ball rollin'.

I put my glass down and I touched his pecs. He was surprised I did that.

'Do you still have that tattoo?'
'Oh, right. Uhm yeah.'
'Can I see it?'

It was still there. Only it got 'modified' into something straighter than a straight guy's tattoo.

'Oh, you changed it.'
'Just did some modifications.'
'Well, it looks nice.

I kept touching it. I was drunk and suddenly, I just started licking his nipples. The tattoo was about an inch above his pinkies.

He stopped me.

'You're drunk.'
'You're hot.'

I tried to kiss him on the lips. I had a couple of successful attempts but he kept pushing me away, even tough as I touch his penis, I could feel him getting harder and harder. His balls were like swelling in the heat of the moment. He was horny. He wanted me.

'I know you want it.'
'No Kai..'
'I've missed you.'

I unbuttoned his pants. I forgot he doesn't wear underwear. I took out his semi-hard cock. Meanwhile, He was still trying to push me away.

'Kai, please don't..'
'I want you Yoko. I miss you.'

I pushed him to the sofa and he was pushing my shoulders away from him. I was trying to reach his cock with my mouth. The push wasn't as strong as it should be. I figured he was still trying to decide if he'll let me do it or not.

I was determined to bring home the bacon -- back to cockville where it belongswww.

'You're so hot. I still crave for you.'
'Kai please...'
'I love it when you say my name.'

I finally grabbed his hands and went for it. The strong drinks made him weaker. I finally sucked his cock and did my signature deep throat. He was moaning in pleasure.

'Ahhh.. Kai no.'
'No Kai. Stop. Ahhhhhh. Don't... Stop..'

I did. I stopped. I went to the kicthen, grabbed a glass of water and sat down. He was still gasping for air. He looked baffled.


He pulled his pants up.

'This is a mistake.' He was ready to leave when I pushed him to the couch.

'Not so fast Ennis Del Mar.'

He gave me a look. I smiled. I gave him the glass of water. He still looked confused.

'Now we can talk.'

Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Ex-Ex-Men - Second encounter

I called George the next day, still unable to fathom what was revealed to me at the coffee shop.

'He turned into an Ex-ex-man!'
'You know, Ex-ex-men. Gay guys who decide to be straight again.'
'Oh, I get it now. Hence the double negation.'
'I just can't believe you would trade a cock for a pussy just like that.'
'It's 6 in the morning and we're talking cock trades?'
'How did this happen?'
'Ask Seth.'

Seth was the first ex-ex-man I met. At the age of 4, he wore his mother's lipstick. At 7 he told his dad he wants to have a vagina. He left them some months after when his mom supported the idea. When he was in high school, he wore his polo like a hanging blouse. The guidance counselor frowned at this but when they realized how generous his parents were, they pretended like it's a giant elephant that nobody can talk about.

'Did you recruit my ex?'
'Excuse me?'
'Yoko, did he join your club?'
'Oh him.. cu-- how is he?'
'Well, George and I bumped into him yesterday and guess what he told me?'
'He's moved on and forgotten about you?'
'Well, yeah maybe and even more.'

I paused. He looked anxious to know what it was about.

'He told me he's getting married.'
'To a woman.'
'WOW! He finally saw the light!'
'The light - what does that even mean?'
'I knew he wasn't really gay.'
'And you knew this because..?'
'Because he never looked at you like a man would..'
'Okay stop before you hurt my feelings. What I really would like to know is how on earth could this be possible.'

'Simple. You wake up and realize it's not what you want.'
'It's not that simple Seth.'

I thought about this so carefully, especially when the time when Seth wanted to be called Selena played in my head.

'When I saw the light..'
'Can you please stop calling it that.'
'Fine. When I realized I'm straight, I just fell for someone. Julie was perfect. She made me laugh and I was happy. Believe me, I never really entertained the idea of having sex with a woman but when it happened it was the best sex I had.'

That made me cringe a bit.

'Really, did you yell for the cops?'
'Seriously, I think people change.'
'Sexualities don't.'
'Maybe they do. Mine did.

The next day, I decided to call the ex-ex-men and ask him how he ended up being a vegetarian.

'You busy?'
'Just some wedding stuff but yeah I guess we can talk.'
'Okay, jokes on me. Please tell me you're not doing this?'
'Excuse me, is this Julia Roberts from My Best Friend's Wedding?'
'No, I am not Julia Roberts and I am not your best

friend. I'm your ex and I hope you still remember that.'
'Oh yeah I do.'
'Then why are you doing this?'
'Doing what?'

'This wedding. This act. This lie. Make no mistake I am not jealous at all that you've found a way to distract yourself. And I am not trying to get back with you either. I am just mostly concerned about this whole drama of yours. You'll end up hurting someone and she seems really nice.'

'She is nice.'
'Then why would you lie to her??'
'I'm not lying to anyone.'
'Yes you are. You are gay and you suck cock. You don't wake up one day and decide that you hate beef.'

There was an awkward silence.

'Hey I'm sorry. I-I was just concerned about you.'
'Janna knows.'
'About you. About us. Our past.'
'She does? How..'
'Maybe you have to start believing in love a bit. People fall in love and some just cannot control how it's gonna happen. It happened this way to me -- believe it or not. I was in love with you. And I accepted that. Now I fell in love with her and you have to accept that.'

He had a point. Maybe there was no need to define what was happening to him. Our society is defined by so many labels - gay, straight, bisexual. Maybe he didn't subscribe to the same labels.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

The Ex-Ex-Men - first encounter

Fully recovered from the whole 'married life' drama, I decided to meet George for coffee and tell him what happened at Krispy Kreme. He was elated at the fact that he was right again.

'Dahling', He said in that crazy tone of his. 'if you really have to say I'm happily married then that's a big sign someone isn't so happy after all.'

'I realized that. Why state the obvious?'
'Or why state the NOT so obvious?'
'True. You're right. But the quote unquote husband is kinda cute.'
'Cute and homophobic.'
'See that's the weird. How can a homo be anti-homo?'
'It's called F-E-A-R dahling.'
'Stop calling me dahling makes me crazy.'

He sipped his coffee while I asked the barista about the tea I ordered 2 minutes ago. Sadly, they forgot about me. Tea drinkers don't get enough attention at coffee shops evidently.

'It's sad though. Anyway, I want to put it all behind me.'
'You should. I bet his face spelled loser on his way out.'
'Yes, it did.'

The tea finally came and the cute barista apologized for making me wait. I told him it's fine but it actually wasn't. As he left the table, he revealed what was behind him - a bigger table with two people having what seems to be a fun conversation. I could see a woman's back, and then suddenly, I realized my ex was staring at me.

George had to whisper, 'Isn't that..?'
'Yes it is.' I pretended I didn't see him. But I heard him excuse himself as he walked towards our table.

'You must have forgotten about me.'
'Ohh, hey Yoko.' It was his nickname.
'Long time no see.'
'Yeah, 3 years?'
'So what's new?'

George signaled for a cigarette break. He left us right after he sat.

'Nothing new. How about you.'
'Well, I'm getting married.'
'Excuse me?'
'Can you believe it?'
'No.. really. Seriously?'
'Yeah. Janna over there. I wanted you to meet her but I figured I should ask you first..'
'Ask me what?'
'How you want to be introduced.'
'Well, can I say we used to date, fuck and kiss and that you were my ex?'
'Of course not. Janna doesn't know any of that.'
'So what now?'

He called out her name. She joined us and the uncomfortable introductions began.

'This is Janna, the love of my life.'

I almost threw up. I imagined his legs up in the air while yelling, telling me not to stop fucking him.

'Hi Janna.'
'So nice to finally meet you!'
'Oh yeah?'
'Yoko told me everything about you.'
'Yeah, maybe not all.'

He gave me a funny look.

'You so cannot miss the wedding. I don't have the invitation here but we'll send it to your place.'
'Oh, I don't know..'
'You can't miss it when you're the best man!'

There I was - an ex-partner suddenly reduced to a best man.

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Married Life - Last Ep

The next day, the sun was bright. I told myself it will be a good day. I prepared my tea and turned on my laptop and finally checked my phone for unread messages. There was none. Unfortunately, when I went to "messages", it was still there -- Thad's well wishes for me to complete myself by finding a relationship.

Damn it. I thought I'm already over this thing. Apparently, this message is still bothering me, more like haunting me and I still can't figure out why. Is it just me? Or is the message itself offensive? To find out, I called in the most reliable shrink in the city, my true confidante and the person who snaps me back into perspective in times of silly crisis like this: George.

'Fuck Carrie! Fuck Jerry Maguire! Fuck them all!'

And he is not in a good mood whenever someone pisses me off like this. He's what you would call a real friend.

'Asking someone to complete you is not true love. That's being an opportunist!'
'Believe me, it's sometimes even sad because you feel more alone -- because you're always dependent on the other person.'

George is in Public Relations and he is in a relationship with a not-so-hot, but super sweet and thoughtful TV producer. He says he's happy in the relationship, but he would never EVER call it a marriage.

'That's the most condescending thing 'coupled' people can ever say to singles.'
'I know!'
'You don't complete yourself in another person.'
'I don't!'
'It's always a decision ANYONE can make, single or otherwise!'

Later that day, I tried not to think about. I decided to walk down Ayala Avenue and celebrate my choice of being a single-slash-not-looking-now-or-anytime-soon. As I passed by Krispy Kreme, I thought of a getting one of those new Hershey's donuts. Then I thought, Thad works in one of those buildings. Seeing me have my Krispy Kreme moment alone is not a good idea.

But just before I left, I took a final look at the bright 'Fresh Donuts' sign and noticed the man facing the street looked familiar. As I looked more closely, I realized it was the unfriendly married friend Thad.

At that point, I had the choice of walking away. But I thought I should confront him now and end this. After all, he wasn't alone. I think it's about time I meet this husband of his and get my message across.

When I walked in, he immediately saw me. He waved and looked at the man sitting beside him.

'See? I don't need to be married to see my 'married' friends.' I made the hand gesture for quotation marks.

The man looked uncomfortable. His face read, 'Who the fuck is this?'

'This is Kai, my friend from college.'
'Nice to meet you Husband of Thad.'

He was shocked after I blurted the word 'Husband'. He pulled Thad's arm and whispered something to his ear. I read his lips and I couldn't be wrong.

'You told him?'
'Relax, he's my friend.'
'You're fucked up.'
'No wait.'

He stood up, but Thad was still holding his left arm.

'Chill, he won't talk.'
'I told you to shut the fuck up.'
'Keep your voice down.'
'We'll talk later.'

He took one last angry look at me and stormed out of the donut shop.

I told him: 'Well, that was a pleasant way to greet your husband's friend...'

It was at that point when I realized the 'Married Life' he was so proud of was more of a torture than fantasy.

'Sorry about that he's...'
'Not out, I understand. As usual.'
'And he doesn't want to be called that.'
'I didn't you did.'
'I did?'
'Yes, you did. Remember that, good luck message?'
'Yeah silly you.'
'I have to go. He's just waiting at the corner.'
'Okay, well, go get your husband before he divorces you tonight. Hahaha.'

The only response I got was a frown. Something tells me, that joke wasn't funny.

What's the point of a married life if the person you're married to is not into it?

I thought about what happened at Krispy Kreme today. I realized that he probably didn't mean anything when he said that to me. He probably wanted me to have a partner so I would look like I understand what is going on with them as supposed to being a happy single guy laughing at them as they cut each other's head off.

The married life may be happening to someone else out there. Who knows, maybe it does exist even in the absence of a real wedding ceremony.


Monday, October 20, 2008

The 'Married' Life part two

As I thought about it, Thad had a good point. Carrie did get married in the movie. But now does that mean everyone else has to do the same thing? Aren't singles given credit for making the choice of their marital status? And whenever failed relationships happen, especially for marriages, do you have to keep searching for 'the one'?

Our texting spree didn't really end with the mention of Sex and the City. He asked how I am doing now and I said I'm fine. I got out of a relationship - or pseudo whichever is more appropriate for you -- and I am currently not looking. Surprisingly, I was telling the truth.

'Well, I'm glad you're okay. I wish you more success and finally a relationship so your life would be complete.'

I didn't bother replying to that message. What does it mean? Does a relationship always complete someone's life? Or is it life's big lid that controls the life of a happy and carefree single guy?

Later that day, I decided I couldn't let this pass without asking for my friends' opinions on the matter. I called Joe and he noticed that I sounded so upset.

'My friend Thad thinks I'm lonely.'
'Did he say that?'
'No, but he wished me good luck in finding myself a relationship to complete my life.'
'I hate it when people say that.'
'Like it's a pill you have to take to keep your sanity!'
'Like it's a lubricant you have to put on your cock to make your life more pleasurable.'
'When did having a relationship become a prerequisite to a successful and happy life?'
'WHy does it bother you so much?'
'Because I hate to think that people are now looking at me saying Poor boy, he doesn't have a boyfriend. He'll grow old and lonely.'
'Who the fuck cares what they think. I go to bars alone but I always make sure I don't leave alone.'

That's the thing about single guys. We can hook-up whenever and wherever. But is it enough to show this to those 'married guys'?

'Kai, this isn't a contest where you need to show your medal to your friends.'
'Apparently, it is.'
'WHy so?'
'Thad said I will see his quote unquote husband when I'm also married so we can have a double date.'
'WHat the fuck?'
'Yeah what the F.. now it's a prerequisite to a nice dinner with a friend too.'
'Then why don't you just get a date?'

I didn't think about that. But now that he brought it up, I thought it would be a bad idea.

'Even worse because he might think I'm just pretending to be happy.'
'Are you?'
'No, I don't think I have to pretend.. I mean...'
'No, I mean -- are you happy?'

And that's the question we've all been wanting to answer.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The 'Married' Life part one

Gays in manila are often fond of calling their relationship a 'marriage'. While gay marriage is yet to be legalized in this country, some of us have managed to live as married couples, share an apartment, buy groceries together, try to finish each other's sentences and all the brouhaha. I don't see anything wrong with it but I can't help but make a funny face whenever someone is being introduced to be as someone's ASAWA*.

This came to mind when one day I was bored and I decided to get in touch with some very old friends - the one you've met when you were younger, more energetic, and more sexually-confused. One of those friends is Thad, a manager who works at some insurance company.

Thad and I went to the same university. We were both in the closet back then and I had absolutely no idea that he has part of our world. The secret came out when I told him I met with his friend Chris, who then volunteered to help me on a paper I was doing for our communications class. We met online.

'Hey, I met your friend.'
'Which one?'
'Chris... he's helping me with my paper.'
'How'd you meet him?'
'We met online. We just chatted and he said he could help.'

Thad just stood there, not knowing how to react to what I said. Apparently, 'chatting with Chris' always meant chatting with him on the Bi-manila channel, a popular chatroom for PLUs.

He later confessed that he already knew about me and that now we're both out we've got nothing else to hide.


Fast forward 5 years later. Thad got an early success in his career. He got a high-paying job and he said he's in a very special relationship.

I texted him to ask how this special love of his is doing.

'I'm completely happy with my married life.'
'Oh really? And when do I meet this husband of yours?'
'Someday when you're also married. SO we can have a double date!'

I didn't know what to say. I gave it a good 5 minutes before I replied:

'That's a mean thing to say. What if I'm Carrie Bradshaw? I'm always single!'
'Kai, even Carrie realized married life is happier. She eventually tied the knot, didn't she?'

And there, in my room while holding my cellphone, I started cursing at Carrie Bradshaw and the writers of Sex and the City.

*Asawa is the Filipino term for spouse

Friday, October 10, 2008

The End of the Show - Porntifications 5.0

Dating Buck was more fun that I thought. First, he was the perfect candidate for a trophy boyfriend. While he refused to go to the fabulous gay district for even a shot of vodka or a bottle of beer, he tries to compensate by making me feel like his real partner when we're in the straight zone -- the malls, the bank, the streets.

One time at Krispy Kreme, a young kid was looking at us funny because we were sharing one glazed donut. There were two guys at the table next to ours who were gawking at us. They were obviously a couple so I didn't understand why there were acting strange.

'I know. Let's pretend you have something on your lip and I'll lick it off.'
'Are you crazy? You'll have us arrested.'
'For what?'
'Being in the straightzone. Chill.'

I admit it was a fun idea. ANd knowing that Buck was willing to do that in front of these people is great. He was really comfortable with the idea that we're together. I like that.

'In Toronto, you can kiss anybody. And I mean anybody.'
'SO you've kissed the entire town?'
'Toronto and the neighboring parts.'
'Yeah... that's AWESOME. REALLY.'

I was still quite uncomfortable with the idea that I'm dating someone who jacks off for a living. But you know what they say about relationships -- it's always a compromise.

And that's what I tried to do. Since we were both busy with our 'jobs', I decided he should stay at my apartment for a while.

'Besides, I have this cool poster. It's big enough to be your backdrop.' He smiled like a kid.

So here's how our day would normally be like: We'd wake up together. Shower together. Dress up together. I always tell him that he doesn't need to wear his long sleeves and tie but then he said: 'My customers like it. It's for my office guy show.'

He was a pretty creative guy. I've seen some of his shows. I encouraged him to wear a mask and he did. He'd usually play the role of a corporate guy who likes porn and who jacks off every time he gets home. He cut some boards and put it in front of the camera. The trick is to make it look like you are in the building across his place and you are trying to take a peek at the masturbating neighbor.

And the show was great. Guys online loved him and I'm surprised that they do send money before, during and after the show.

Friday's are, well, called Thank Greg it's Fucking Friday. He still hasn't told me why he picked the name Greg. TGIFF is when you bid for the next move. For example, if you want to see his ass, we'll start at 20 dollars. If you want him to play with it, that's gonna cost 5 more. If you want him to put a dildo in it, then that's 50-dollar show.

These shows last for less than an hour. It's a private show so the customers are the only ones who can see what they bid on. The more guys bid, the more money he gets. He gets a maximum of 8 customers a night.

By the time I get home, he'd be like a dead fish lying on my bed. I'll kiss him goodnight and he'll try to start making love. I'll tell him he's tired and he'll say he's sorry he's not giving me enough time -- a.k.a. enough sex. So he decided he won't be taking any jobs every Sunday because that's when the real sex happens.

'So you have sex only once a week?'

Joe was the only one I told about the whole Buck thing not because he's the only one I trust with this information but because he's the only one I know who can handle it.

'Does a blowjob count?'
'He must be really tired everyday...'
'You bet. He does 8 shows every night.'
'Does he cum in each show.'
'He used to. When he only had 3-4 shows but when he started doing more he figured he should use fake cum.'
'Yeah, cumming for 8 times a night isn't healthy.'
'So you can't do that? Joe, I'm disappointed!'

He looked insulted. Joe is confident that he is one of the most effective sexual machines on the planet and saying that isn't going to help boost his reputation.

'Well, I'm not crazy enough to cum every hour!'
'Hahaha I figured.'
'I'm serious! It's going to kill my legs.'
'Oh yeah... I know. Remember that time when I was bored and I was in my apartment? I jacked off the entire day. About 8 times I believe and boy did it hurt so much.'
'That's 8 times with an interval of...'
'Oh definitely more than an hour.'
'I thought so.'

Later that night, I asked him if he could take some time off his 'work' and have dinner with me. Unfortunately, the businessman said he had to meet his target profit by end of the week and he's not anywhere near it. So I decided to have dinner with Joe instead.

'Where's your guy?'
'Oh, he's in a business meeting.'
'Ooohhh sexy.'

Joe was awfully quiet that night. It seemed as if he wanted to tell me something but he couldn't.

'You've been sitting like a statue there. Talk to me.'
'Well... I have a confession to make.'
'Let's hear it.'
'Okay but first, how are today?'
'Oh let's cut the crap and get with the program I'm starting to get bored.'

He grabbed a cigarette and gave me one too. His hands were shaking. He looked scared. Of what?

'I saw it.'
'Mamma mia? Great! Told you it was good!'
'No, the other show.'
'Which one?'
'You man's show.'

I coughed as I was about to exhale with the thick smoke from my mouth.

'You what?'
'Okay, don't get mad. I just thought I should see if you were telling me the truth.'
'Why would I lie to you?'
'I don't know. But you were right. He was good. Great!'
'So is this going to happen everyday?'
'NO, he's pretty expensive. And for you, I won't.'
'No, I mean -- am I now going to bump into each and every customer of my porn star?'
'You said they were all from other countries right?'
'Not the ones who've been sending him money through his cellphone.'
'You can do that?'

I frowned. He shut his mouth for his sake.

When I got home that night, I was greeted with some ahhhs and ooohhhs in my apartment. There were crumpled pieces of tissue paper lying around and my place smelled like cum. He said hi to me and gave me a gesture that means 'I'm busy, someone's watching me.'

'Hushhhh...' He put his hand on his finger. The man was still watching.

'You have to stop. Get out. I'm done.'
He stood up. Typed the words 'One minute'. The guy stayed online. He paid 15 dollars to see this shit.

'What's the matter baby?'
'I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.' That's all I could say.
'Look, I thought you understood.'
'I did. I still do. That's why you have to leave.'
'Kai.. baby..'
'I now understand that I can't do this.'
'come on..'
'Yeah, cum that's what my place smells like.'
'Look, I'm gonna clean up and we'll talk okay. Right now I have...'
'You have a customer huh?'
'Hunny, just let me cum and he's gone okay? He paid 15 dollars to see this and he's not going anywhere.'

I disconnected his webcam from the laptop. He looked down and kicked the chair.

'I'm sorry aight? I said I'm sorry.'
'Yeah, I'm sorry too Buck.'

I let him finish his 2 other shows that night. He must have earned 30-50 dollars.

The next day, Buck moved out.

Buck was still one of my great fucks.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Porntifications 4.0

Later that week, I tried my best to avoid Buck. He texted me like a hundred times but before I could read the message I press delete and go back to my life trying to take my mind off the '50-dollar jack off live show'.

'Do you think he was kidding? 50 dollars is a lot for just seeing someone enjoy himself.'

Joe is the one person I turn to when it comes to the Buck issue. He's sexually active and he dates any guy -- and I mean JUST ANY guy. I figured he would have a better view of the whole situation.

'I thought so too. But then he said the guy's old and rich. It was his first and last expensive jack-off session.'
'I just can't believe someone would pay that amount to see someone touch himself.'
'On webcam...'
'Yeah, see that's what I'm saying. You can get someone to do it for 100 pesos.'
'I frowned. 'That's not even 5 dollars!'
'That's my point.'
'DO you think he's just lying?'
'Why, do you have another theory?'
'He's pretty gorgeous. What if he's really an escort?'
'I think he's a pretty decent guy.'
'Decent enough to jack off for 50?'
'Dollars -- don't let anyone think it's for a third world's currency.'


After talking to Joe, I wondered why I was so bothered about the whole thing. People do crazy stuff to survive in the jungle and he was no different from us animals. Joe made a good point: he's too gorgeous to be an escort - too gorgeous that he'd be ridiculously overpriced and would be charging more for tips.

So after a few more missed calls and some more text messages, I decided I was ready to have a little chat with the porn star.

Kaionthego: Buzz!
BuckF: HEY, I called like a hundred times
Kaionthego: Yeah, sorry.
BuckF: Sorry I freaked you out.
Kaionthego: No, it's just me. I was just surprised.
BuckF: Of course, you were.
Kaionthego: I thought you would say you're Paris Hilton's lost brother or something.
BuckF: Haha [smiley] Unfortunately, I'm not.
Kaionthego: [smiley]
BuckF: Can I call you?
Kaionthego: Sure.

Less than 10 seconds later, we were on the phone. And this time, I was controlling the conversation.

'Tell me the truth.'
'Did you just make that all up to cover the fact that you're a male escort?'
'What? What are...'
'That you get paid by rich and arrogant queens?'
'No, what are you talking..'
'And if you like them you suck them too?'

I realized I had to. I was talking way too fast I couldn't keep up with myself. It was an ambush interview with the porn star.

'I am not going to explain what I do anymore. I just told you -- only you because I know you will understand and because I like you.'

There was an uncomfortable pause.

'I'm still here.' I finally managed to say a few words.
'It's not like what you think, no.'
'Of course, it's not.'
'Hey, don't patronize me.'
'I'm not. I'm just talking.'
'So can I finally see you?'
'Gee, I don't know. Don't you have a show at 9AM Central time?'

He made a sound that made me realize he was getting annoyed.

'Alright. Alright. Fine.'
'And that's 9PM MANILA time for you.'
'I hope you're wearing something...'
'I hope I won't be by the end of the night.'

And so we went to that new restaurant -- the same one where we were supposed to go when he broke the news about his occupation. I realized, if you like someone, it won't matter whether he's a porn star or someone with poses for DNA or PlayGirl.

The important thing is that he does the most intimate thing with only you, to only you and only for you.

And that his wanking costs 50 dollars too.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Porntifications 3.0

So here's the back story: About 7 years ago, a young college student was having a problem. He was supposed to go to Australia for an internship program but he didn't have cash. He had a day job - works at a semi-popular, semi-trashy bar -- but he needed more dough for his trip. Cash definitely has to come from somewhere else.

He knew he could do something about it. A man like him -- charming, handsome and sweet could definitely use his skills to get the money he needed. He was introduced to a producer who described himself as a 'hotshot', making movies that sold really well. When he asked Mr. Producer what titles he has worked on, he was shocked to learn that they were not box-office hits at all. In fact they were small, independently-released films.

He produces porn movies.

'What the you weren't kidding when you..'
'No I wasn't. But..'
'Holy shit, I'm dating a porn star. Holy shit.'
'Can you please stop saying that?'
'Holy shit... is that why those old filthy gay guys were looking at us funny when we went to the bar?'
'No...I must have...'
'They must have a copy of your movie..'
'I doubt that and...'
'Holy shit.'

I don't know if it was the vodka I drank a few hours before the conversation or if it was a natural response to this situation. Should I feel better knowing that I am dating someone who makes money fucking someone else on DVD?

'Wait, you said that was 7 years ago.'
'Yes, and if you could sit down and listen I can explain more about my situation.'

I was overreacting. But his story still doesn't answer my question -- while he is here on the other side of the world, how does he manage to survive? How does he pay for bills? I've never seen him take any jobs here. He just stays in his apartment, calls me when he wants to meet up.

'There's something else.'
'Oh, of course there's something else.'

He told me that he got here because he was asked to be a model for a local clothing brand. And he did model for them -- three runway shows during Fashion week. Pay was not as high as he expected and he was quickly running out of cash.

'So I turned to the internet.'
'You're saying you made money online?'
'Yeah I did -- I do.'
'Oh yeah, I've heard about that. I think I've read somewhere that people earn money through their blogs?'
'No, this is... this is something else Kai.'

When he got a little too desperate, he was sad all day. Good thing he had his laptop and he was stealing wi-fi signals from the guy who lives on the same floor of his building. He said it was an accident. He went to a gay personals site, and put on his cam. The guy he was chatting with was a bit old, he wasn't showing his face but he could tell by his skin.

'He asked me to take off my clothes and to jack off.'
'And you did?'
'Yeah, I told him I'd do it if he gives me 50 dollars.'

The man, excited about his bulge was more than happy to oblige. He got his email address and transferred money through his PayPal account.

'And from then on, I just started doing it.'
'You get paid to jack off?'
'Well, not just that. I show my ass, pour oil on my chest, spank myself. You have no idea how crazy people can be when it comes to sex.'
'Yeah, I just found out today.'
'Some of my viewers are from here. A lot of them are from other countries. So I get money in different currencies.'
'And you get the money by...'
'Western Union. PayPal. And oh there's this cool thing you do with your cellphone and you can transfer funds.'

So he really is an actor of some sort.

'I do whatever they want me to do.'
'And you get paid for it.'
'Do you... do you ever fuck someone?'
'NO.. no. I swear.'
'Have someone suck you?'
'NO. Absolutely not.'
'Coz, you said you do whatever they say..'
'Well, everything but I do it alone. You don't have to worry about that. I only like to fuck you.'

He hugged me, tried to kiss me but I was still quite uncomfortable with his revelation.

'Hey, I hope this doesn't change anything between us.'

I forced a smile.

'I have to do it. See, here's what I made so far.' He showed me a small box with lots of cash in it -- in Euros, Dollars and Pesos.

'Are you.. also going to hotel rooms offering room service?'
'NO, come on. I don't have to. I do it online.'
'Wow. You really are a porn star.'

He looked down as if unhappy with that comment.

'Okay, I'm gonna go. Now.'
'Wait, come on don't leave. I made plans for us.'
'Oh, you didn't tell me I already have plans.'
'It was supposed to be a surprise.'
'Trust me, what I need right now is a shock absorber.'
'Hey, please don't let this bother you okay? I do this because I have to. Not because I want to.'
'Of course, you also think it's fun right?'

I cut the conversation short with that question. I left his unit wondering where I'm going. I made that excuse to take some time to think about what he told me.

Then, I said to myself: '50 dollars to see someone jack off? That's some expensive cum he got.'

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Porntifications part 2

I tried to ignore what he just said. He just said he's a porn star. I laughed and I forgot to see if he was serious. He does have a muscular built. His biceps were big enough for me to fall in love with him. He showed me his abs which are to die for. What is it about big arms and flat abs? They show us some skin with no visible fat and we fall head over heels with this type of guy.

Buck was one of my great fucks.

Since that night we met, we started hanging out together mostly for drinks on a Saturday night. I initially didn't get his number. I didn't know if he was into boys so I was extra careful. But even though we didn't have any way of contacting each other we just always end up on the same side of the bar, drinking beer or something much stronger.

'So what do you do?'
'Some outsourced job.'
'Call center?'
'Close. It's a website management thing.'
'Oh, like you blog?'
'That's one aspect of the job.'
'Cool dude.'

He called me dude.

I went on to explain what type of work I do and he seemed pretty interested. He told me he does some business on the internet too and that's how the conversation went the entire night.

'What type of business do you do? Marketing? I asked.
He sort of grinned. 'Sort of...'
'Oh yeah? What kind? I mean how is it?'
'Well, I told you didn't I?'
'Told me what?'

He smiled and looked down. He seemed shy but he's always smiling. And how disarming was his gorgeous smile.

'Come on..'
'Where are we going?'
'I'll show you something.'

We ended up at his place - a big loft in the middle of the most fabulous address in the city. He told me it's owned by his friend who recently left the country. He's not paying rent but he has to pay the association dues and the bills. That's when I had the chance to inject the question again:

'So how do you pay for all this? I mean what do you do?'
'I told you, right?'
'Haha, that you're a porn star?'
I paused. ' You've got to be kidding me right?'

He grabbed my butt and pushed his crotch against mine.

'No I ain't.'

I smiled thinking it was a joke. The whole thing was kind of erotic. Maybe he was just into role playing and stuff. We kissed for a good 5 minutes until our lips were sore. Then he took off his shirt to reveal his excellent physique. I licked every moving muscle of his body, starting from his nicely shaped pecs, I went through his soft nipples until I reached his abs. I gave him the best blowjob he can ever get (well, at least I know I did my best). He moaned and begged for more and so I gave it to him.

And in a split second, he asked me to turn around, as if telling me he wanted to fuck me. I dilly-dallied but he was just too hot to resist. If I were to bottom for someone, it better be someone like him.

'I don't usually... do that.'
'Don't worry.. it'll be alright. I'll be gentle.'

And gentle he was from the first time his dick touched my bum until he pushed his entire piece into me. I was in pain. And I could hear him saying something to me -- to make me relax or something. Or probably to make me horny. I heard him say, ' Do you feel me?' And I screamed, 'Yes, I fucking feel every inch of your fucking dick asshole!'

It got pretty rough. And it wasn't much fun being on the receiving end. But when I looked back to see just how hard he was fucking me, I saw a very excited man, a very horny Buck giving me one of my best fucks.

'Damn, fuck you!'
'Fuck me!'

And he did so with so much passion and drama, it almost looked like we were in a porn movie.

Maybe he wasn't kidding after all.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Porntifications part 1

He was one of my best fucks ever. Ironically, his name was Buck, short for Buckley. Buck the great fuck. He grew up in Canada and was staying in Manila for a few months because he was in some trouble in his hometown. He said he it's not murder or anything so I didn't have to worry. I was afraid at first but when you see a gorgeous skateboard guy which abs to die for looking you in the eye saying, 'I'm not a murderer, don't be afraid.' What's a gullible gay guy to do?

I met him at a bar. Well, actually outside the bar. I was wasted and was smoking like crazy. I decided to get some air when I suddenly hit the ground. And there he was, asking me if I was alright. The skater dude with a funny accent -- definitely not American or British -- was trying to pull me up. I didn't think of my fall because I was too drunk to feel anything at that time. I just stared at his eyes and asked, 'Vous estes Francais?' He responded, 'Non, I am Canadian but that was close.'

That night we didn't talk about anything unusual. I asked him what he was doing in Manila and he said he was on vacation. Later on he told me how he got into trouble. That's he confessed that he got into a fight with some group of skater boys and someone got 'seriously hurt' that he had to go away. He showed me his bruises on his stomach. Nice abs, I said to myself. He's not bad looking at all.

I told him what I do for a living. He asked a lot of questions to a point when I almost forgot to ask him what he does.

'Oh I'm sorry. What about you?'
'Uhm, me?'
'Yeah, what do you do? I mean you're technically on vacation but..'
'Yeah I am. I -ah..'

He looked up, then smiled at me and said:

'I'm an actor.'

Monday, July 21, 2008

Masseur experience (Fin)

The similar thing happened. I was there and this masseur named Derrick or Erick (I forgot which one it is) was there. He asked me to remove the towel I wore around my shoulders. I was only wearing my shorts. He asked me to lie on my chest while he start with my back. The massage was very ... sensual. He wasn't big with conversation unlike other masseurs. I like it that way.

He slowly reached for my lower body. He gently slid down my shorts which exposed my butt. I was very shy but then he started massaging it like he didn't care so I was okay. The way he massaged it, I thought he was already on to something.

'Is the pressure okay?'
'Uhm, yeah. Yes it is.'

He was kneading my ass for a good five minutes now and I couldn't help but wonder, did my buns look so stressed that he felt he had to massage it for that long? And that's when it started. He focused on one cheek. It was great. And when he moved to the other, I noticed he was touching my crack a lot. I didn't mind it at first but then it was as if he was looking for my hole. I tried to keep it together, my face was covered but I couldn't hide my expression. I was excited.

As he put his hands, following the shape of my ass, he slowly touched my balls like it was an accident -- but it sure wasn't. I moved a bit, trying to see if the second time would be different but it wasn't. In fact, he touched it even more but you can tell he's pretending that it's all part of the massage. And then, a few seconds after, he did a technique that massaged half of my balls, went up my ass and separated the cheeks and caressed my hole.

I think I moaned a little.

'Sir? Was the pressure too much?'
'Uhm, no it's... fine.'

Fuck the pressure. The guy was obviously playing with me. When he was done with my back, he asked me to lie on my back. He knelt on the edge of the bed near my head and started massaging my shoulders. It was great. It was great until I was shocked when he started massaging my chest. It wasn't just an ordinary massage. He was going through my nipples, slowly, gently, and not just the areola but the tip itself. Though it was extreme uncomfortable and was a pain in the gut, I struggled not to have an erection because I thought, if I'm wrong and this guy's really just trying to give me a massage, then that would be so embarrassing.

He went to the other side of the bed. My face was covered with a towel but I could see him looking at me, then he looked at my dick which, at that time was starting to gain some muscle. He was massaging my right hand when suddenly, he went for my stomach area. I was shocked that I almost sat but immediately went back to my previous position and apologized. I told him it tickles.

Then, he massaged my thighs, this time completely touching my balls as my dick slowly stood up until it exhibited a full erection right in front of the masseur. As if touching my balls wasn't enough, he massaged the area around my hard penis, careful not to touch my big gun. He used both hands to massaged my thighs. I didn't realize I was moaning so hard until he put his arm on my hard dick, massaged my stomach while his arm was slowly, slowly massaging my very, very, very hard tool.

I was somehow in a state of shock. I didn't know what to do. Am I going to give in and grab his dick too? Are we gonna have sex right now? Who's going to blow who? How much am I supposed to pay for all this?

When he sensed that I was a bit uncomfortable, he asked again:

'Sir, everything okay?'
'Uhm, yeah but could you stop with the stomach. It tickles. Sorry.'

I thought of apologizing for my hardon but I realized it would be too embarrassing.

When the massage was done, he asked if I wanted to stay. I told him yes I would love that. He then covered my body with towels and told me to cum -- I mean come again next time. I asked for his name and he gave it to me, only I didn't know if it was Derrick or Erick. Or maybe it was something else. I was still hung over by what just happened.

And let me tell you, my dear friends, it was the most orgasmic thing I've ever experienced - like it was sex without THE sex. No man has ever touched me that way hahaha!

Something tells me I'm gonna be back for more...


Thursday, July 10, 2008

Masseur experience (second of THREE parts)

The most recent experience I had was last week. I first heard about this spa through a friend - a girl friend. She said the services were exceptional and she plans to bring me there some day. I forgot about the spa. Two weeks later, I started hearing rumors about flirty masseurs at that same place. There was this one guy I met who said they really initiated the whole thing.

'He was massaging my back. He stood in front of my head and started kneading, yes knead is the term.

'He then touched my butt, several times. And no, it wasn't just part of the massage. He touched my hole, not once, not twice. But many times until I forgot for a good 10 seconds that I was in a decent spa. I moaned like a porn star. I suddenly snapped back and said sorry. He said, Okay lang sir. Then he grabbed both butt cheeks and added, okay po ba yung massage sir? (Is the massage okay, sir?)...'

'There was nothing else I could do. My dick was at its hardest and lying on it made it even worse. Suddenly, I grabbed his crotch, pulled down is pants and started giving him a hand job. He wanted me to suck his dick but I told him I don't do it on the first date haha! I didn't jack off. It wasn't safe. But he did. He came on my face and I loved it! I even took a pinch of his cum on my cheek and tasted it. It was sweet. I'm definitely cumming back!'


At first, I didn't believe his story. But I saw read his blog and he said he did go back and got even more from the same masseur. This time there was no massage -- only a hot afternoon session with a masseur wearing a sexy robe, fucking him against the wall of the VIP room -- then in one of the rest room's cubicles. YES. He got fucked twice. Again, according to his blog.


Determined to find out the truth, I decided to go there myself. I went there alone. First thing I noticed is that there were a lot of PLUs. They gave me a key to my locker. I took off my pants and shirt and grabbed a towel. I showered first then went to the sauna. Upon entering, I saw two guys on the side who were sitting very close to each other. At first, I thought it may be just the light. I focused and I swear I saw one's hand on the other 's leg. I thought I concentrated too hard that they stopped. The skinnier guy left. The other guy -- an older guy -- followed shortly after.

I was escorted to the massage rooms. I waited for the masseur. My heart was beating faster and I could feel my pulse through my dick. When he arrived, he was dressed in a uniform similar to that of a physical therapist's.

'Hi Sir, massage service?'

'Ahh.... yeah.'

I couldn't help but wonder. Was he offering me two different things?

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Masseur experience (first of Three parts)

I've always wondered what it's like to be in those massage parlors which offer 'extra services' to their patrons. I have been invited numerous times but I politely decline every time I'm asked. I'm too scared to get their service, let alone be seen anywhere near those places as there are tons of TV shows which targets popular gay spots for ratings. I wasn't willing to be part of their game.

Once, I was supposed to have a massage from a guy I met online. He said he knows one of the best Sensual Massage techniques. I was dilly-dallying, unsure if it's safe to meet him in a hotel room. He waited for nearly an hour until I finally had the courage to go to the room and get serviced.

I was pissed. Not only did he attempt to do everything in a jiffy, he pulled out his cock and forced it into my mouth as soon as he started. I asked myself, Is this how this is supposed to be done? I made him feel like I'm irritated but he didn't budge. He just massaged me a bit, stroked his cock occasionally, and asked me to suck his cock. That's the service I am never going to ask from my masseur.

'I was hoping I'd still be getting that Sensual Massage.' I said.
'You were a bit late and I still have to be somewhere.'
'Another customer?'
'No, another job.'
'Well, can I at least get what I came here for?'
'Isn't this what you wanted?'

The guy had clearly no idea. I gave him the payment I agreed to pay and stormed out of the hotel room. I left him wondering why I left a sexy, naked masseur like him alone, without even sucking him or stroking his cock. I was pissed.


The second masseur experience I had was better. At least he knew how to give a good massage. He was a bit of a flirt too, which I really liked about him. He kept pretending to touch my balls and penis by accident. I tried so hard not to have a hardon but it was just so difficult. When it came to massaging my chest, he had to knead my skin like a soft dough. It gave me one of the most exciting reactions of my body. My dick was extra hard by the time he focused on my nipples.

He went down, massages my pelvis and skipped my cock. He massaged my legs. And just when my cock was obviously beating like crazy, he massaged it, put his two hands around it and started stroking it. I was shocked. Even better, he sucked my cock without any inhibitions. Though I knew how he was just forced to do so, I admire him for at least trying.

I sucked him too, he had a huge cock. Then, he put my cock betweek his legs, and pretended like I was fucking him. It reminded me a little bit of my ex, who liked doing that too. So I decided to switch. I put his thick cock between my hairy legs. He was moaning and it didn't sound THAT fake. I'd like to think it may have made him feel horny too.

That was hot.

But something hotter did happen just a few days ago.

To be continued....

Sunday, June 29, 2008

SHELTER: Must-see gay-themed film

I am not in the habit of posting videos on my blog but this one's an exception. I always look out for good quality gay-themed movies and found one called 'Shelter'. I found out about it through the ads online when it was about to be shown in the US. Then, Migs shared the theme song on his blog. I figured I should just download the movie than wait for it to come out on DVD.

This movie is excellent. It's not your typical gay-themed movie where two men fall in love and all the cheesiness begins. I like that the director made it look very realistic (at least in my book) and the story is great. The actors are hot as hell too. Here are two clips: first is the official trailer and the other is the music video of 'Lie To Me', probably one of the best songs from a movie I've heard since Juno's Anyone Else but You.

Monday, June 9, 2008

3-Minute Orgasm

Kai: Hello?
FuckMeHard69: Hi, is this Kai?
Kai: Yeah... fuckmehard69 from *****?
FuckMeHard69: Yeah. What are you wearing?
Kai: Err.. just my boxers...
FuckMeHard69: What color?
Kai: Blue... checkered. With some kid stuff printed on them.
FuckMeHard69: You like kid stuff baby?
Kai: Yeah... you?
FuckMeHard69: I like whatever's on you baby.
Kai: Hmm...
FuckMeHard69: Are you hung?
Kai: Yeah, totally.
FuckMeHard69: Nice... touch your nipples for me baby...
Kai: Don't call me baby...
FuckMeHard69: Fuck it, you're my slave.
Kai: I like that.
FuckMeHard69: Your dick is mine slave.
Kai: I ain't moving a muscle Master.
FuckMeHard69: Yeah, yeah [moans hard]
Kai: Are you hard?
FuckMeHard69: Fucking hard yeah slave.
Kai: How do I know?

{slaps hard dick onto the mouthpiece}

Kai: Nice... ahhhh....
FuckMeHard69: Like that?
Kai: Do it again Master...

{slaps dick again, this time for one full minute}

Kai: Ahhhhh....
FuckMeHard69: Are you touching yourself?
Kai: Touching? I'm almost there Master..
FuckMeHard69: Not until I suck you slave... I'm sucking you..
Kai: Yeah...
FuckMeHard69: Deepthroat...
Kai: Yeah...
FuckMeHard69: Fuck you're so big....
Kai: Ahhhhhhhhh you're doing great Master..
FuckMeHard69: Great? Fuck I'm the master! Fuck you!
Kai: No Master, let me fuck you.... turn around Master..
FuckMeHard69: Fuck me hard slave.... yeah... like that...
Kai: Ahhh... so tight! Ahhh...
FuckMeHard69: Fucking tight yeah slave!
Kai: I'm almost there...
FuckMeHard69: I'm cumming..... cumming... cumming...
Kai: Wait for me! I'm cumming... Almost.... ahhh....
FuckMeHard69: I'm Cum-- LINE WENT DEAD.

{Kai is still stroking his dick when it suddenly turned soft}

Kai: Hello?

{After 30 seconds}

FuckMeHard69: Hello?
Kai: What happened?
FuckMeHard69: I'm on Globe's 3-minute call promo. Come on, let's do it again.
Kai: Go fuck yourself.

{Line went dead}

FuckMeHard69: Hello? Hello? We still have 2 minutes....

Thursday, May 22, 2008

the Trip - part trois

That awkward conversation with Hunky IT guy Howard resulted to a couple of sleepless nights. I'd imagine him biting my shoulder, thinking it was his pillow. Does he sleep in the nude? Or does he at least wear boxers? The room was air-conditioned so it gets pretty cold during the night. Will he put on something thick to cover his whole body? Or are we both going to stay under the sheets and gag about work at the end of the day?

You must imagine how tense I got that day. Fortunately, the day he arrived, he told me he had to visit some relatives so we weren't going to share the bed until the next day.

'But I'm leaving my stuff here.'
'Oh sure.'
'Hope you'll watch over them.'
'I'll guard them with my life...'
'Would you want anything? Pasalubong perhaps?'

Hmmm.... I didn't expect him to ask that.

'Err...uhm... sure.'
'So? What do you want?'
'Oh just get back here...' The words slipped out of my mouth.
'Excuse me?'
'I mean get back here... scary being alone here don't you think?'
'You're too old to be scared...'
'Yeah. Maybe. Just... yeah just get me anything.'

And he left. I texted Mike and he said he'd go to my room and ask what happened. I told him nothing happened and I think nothing ever will. The guy is obviously a flirt but I don't see a tripper in him.

'Even a blowjob?' Mike asked.
'Want me to try?'

So I wasn't interested in this guy before but Mike's obsession over him is somehow contagious. It was around 9PM when Mike left. I had to drag him out of our room because he insisted on waiting for Howard to arrive. I told him he's spending the night somewhere else.

I turned off the TV and tried to g to bed but I couldn't sleep. I was moving nonstop, trying different positions, thinking of how we're going to sleep in that bed. I sat down and tried to shake the thought off my mind but I couldn't.

Especially when I saw his large bag lying in front of me. My instinct told me to go through his stuff but I was afraid he'll find out. But then I remember touching my parents' things when I was a kid without them finding out. It's a skill I learned when I was younger. Much younger.

So I unzipped the black gym bag. The first thing I saw is a bunch of red bikini briefs. Interesting choice. Red. I grabbed one.... and slowly... put held it tightly... like me holding his bicep, or his thigh, then suddenly, without hesitating, I put the underwear on face, I tried to smell the UNUSED underwear, as if smelling the sweat dripping from his body.

Then suddenly...

Saturday, May 17, 2008

the TRIP - part deux

Mike was begging for me to swap rooms when he found out that hunky Howard from IT was going to stay in the same room with me. He offered to do dozens of favors but none of them were particularly appealing. I did want him to envy me until the end of the trip. I figured keeping him excited for my stories would keep him following me like a dog for days.

Howard was not bad-looking at all. Or probably because of the fact that he's so masculine, with cuts on his biceps that would make you drool for hours, he looked too damn much like one of those hot naked men on the web.

'Are you new? I haven't seen you in the office.'
'Oh no. Geez, no.' I was surprisingly nervous. I don't even like him.
'Oh... maybe I'm new.' He laughed. Great smile. Nice jawline.
'Yeah, yeah.'

How's that for a first conversation. Now I understand why people were just excited about this guy. He has this rare skill of flirting without even doing anything. A simple smile is intoxicating. And he looks at you straight in the eye like he cares so much about what you say.

'So, I don't know if you've been warned.'
'Warned about?'
'That this room only has a queen size bed.'
'ONE queen size bed?'
'Yeah, bad eh?'
'Well, let's see how big it is.'

We went inside and I showed him the bed. I was nervous that he would complain about how small the bed is. For me it is small since I have a king size bed back home. I am free to move around and grab my pillows and be in whichever side of my bed. Knowing that I'm 5'9 and he's much taller, I thought big men deserve bigger beds.

'It's not as bad as it looks.'
'Oh really?' I was surprised.
'Yeah, it's not like we need two of these in here.'
'You don't mind sharing?'
'No, do you?'
'No... no.. no... definitely not. Not at all.'

There were too many No's said there.

'I just thought, we're both--you know--big guys and ..well,'
'..and you're a bit bigger hahahaha...'
'I thought maybe you'd feel uncomfortable.'

He was silent. I didn't know what was going on in his head.

'Okay, so here's what we do.'

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to bed. I hesitated but he pushed me so I was lying down. I was completely immobile. He asked me to pretend like we're both sleeping. He was on the right side of the bed and I was on the left.

'See? We have so much space.'
'Uhm... yeah.'
'Do you snor?'
'Nope. I don't know. DO you?'
'I don't know.'
'We'll just let each other know if we couldn't sleep.'
'Yeah deal.' We were still in bed.

'Do you bite?' He asked.
'Excuse me?'
'The pillows... do you bite the edges?'
'Oh haha yeah when I was a kid.'
'Yeah me too. Actually I still do.'
'Oh yeah?'
'Yeah so don't be surprised if I suddenly bite you.

Awkward moment #69.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

the TRIP - part un

I was on a business trip once. My boss sent me and two of my friends to attend a seminar. We arrived at the place on a Monday but we didn't start working until the following week. We had the entire week to go out and party and of course, familiarize ourselves with the location.

My officemates/friends Mike and Jesse shared a room with two regular beds while I was left in a room with a queen size bed. The travel specialist advised me that I might have to share it with someone. I freaked out. I just hope the guy's hot.

Two days after, I woke up to the sound of my new ringtone. It was Mike, the 'gayest' one in the group. He was blabbing about this hot guy he saw at the hotel. He said his name is Howard and he's also there for the seminar.

Mike wasted no time and talked to Howard. Apparently, he is one of the hunky IT guys who once fixed our laptops when they mysteriously crashed -- all of them -- all at the same time.

'Howard who?'
'The tall guy in red!'
'He doesn't change his clothes?'
'No silly, he was in red remember?'
'When the virus struck?'
'Was it a virus?'
'Whatever... I don't remember.'

I honestly don't remember -- there were too many hunks in the IT department. In fact, there's many of them that they should think about changing their department's name. Apparently, Howard's room wasn't ready yet so he was asked to stay in Mike and Jesse's room just for until they figure out where to put him.

'You should have seen him! He was half-naked the entire night!!'
'So I'm guessing you two never got any sleep?'
'Jesse wasn't interested in him.'
'Oh good for you then?'
'Totally! Oh man, you should have seen his dick!'
'The guy just landed and you already saw his dick!?'
'Yeah, well not yet. I saw his huge bulge.'
'Morning wood?'
'A ginormous morning wood, Kai!'
'His dick was so angry it was trying to crawl out of his shorts!'
'Oh really now?'
'I swear I wanted to wake him up by sucking that fucking meat!'
'Easy now...'

This is why I sometimes try to avoid Mike. I'm afraid that if he doesn't contain himself, he'd get beaten to death by a gay basher.

'Let me just remind you, dear friend that this is Howard. The same guy who filed the harassment case against Wickety Faggotry... remember that?'

Wickety Faggotry was one of the closeted gay guys in IT. I always say 'one of' because I'm assuming there's more of them. During one of their team building sessions, he got so drunk. He went to Howard's room and took of his shorts while he was sleeping and licked his ass. Nope, he missed his dick. He was going ballistic by the time he reached the balls.

'And he was sending him messages saying how tasty his ass was.'
'Hey, I'm not like him. He's a fucking pervert!'
'And what do you call yourself?'

After about 15 minutes, I asked him to suspend the whole Howard discussion because room service was at the door. I asked him to hold as I opened the door.

'Kamusta? Jenny from Admin told me they ran out of rooms.'
'We-we're sharing?'
'Yeah, sorry for the hassle.'

I could hear Mike saying that he just heard Howard's voice.

And at that time, all I could think of was that one queen size bed we will be sharing... his ginormous hard-on, and a hot steamy night with the hunky IT guy.


Thursday, April 17, 2008

From Condoms to Roses 3

After a long walk, I grabbed some ice cream from the nearby convenience store. I didn't know if I wanted to go home or spend the night at a friend's place. The arguments have become worse but I've learned the art of just not caring at all. Though it's pretty difficult to admit that we do have problems in our so-called relationship, I am still in it, afraid that if I do not take chances, I would let this one slip so easily like the last one I had.

So after a heated argument on the phone, I bought half a gallon of his favorite ice cream. I got the keys from my pocket and opened the door of our apartment. But it wasn't locked. Great. He was really expecting me to be back.

When I opened the door, I didn't see him. I figured he was in the shower. I put the ice cream in the freezer before it melted and got out of my clothes. They say make up sex is always the best and doing it while in the shower should make it extra special. I put my towel around my waist and tip-toed to the bathroom.

The door was slightly opened. I took a peek and was surprised at what I saw. There was someone else inside the bathroom and Ronnie was fucking him - dogstyle. I opened the door and gasped. They both looked at me. He stopped humping. The other guy had a worried look on his face but Ronnie had him pinned against the wall. He didn't even pull his dick out of his ass. He kept humping after a few seconds, as if giving me a signal to fuck off.

I took off but was not so shocked anymore. I was just a bit surprised that he couldn't pick a better time to fuck someone. I guess I will really be spending the night with someone else.


I approached the receptionist. She asked for my name and I gave it. He called his apartment and asked if he was expecting someone. She gave him my name and she let me go up to his new apartment.

When I knocked on his door, I was nervous. This is the first time I am going to see him. I knocked once. Twice. And there he was at the door. The hot, romantic fling from last summer. The 'extremely horny guy' who turned condoms to roses. It was Jason.

'Hey, how are you?'
'I'm good.' I said.
'Been a while.'
'Yeah, I guess.'
'Are you gonna come in or what?'

He still had the same smile on his face. Same positive energy. His apartment is about 10 minutes away from mine yet I never visited him since that fateful day when I left the apartment two days after finding a condom on his pocket.

'I still can't believe you didn't think it was for you.'
'Let's just say I was younger and more stupid.'

He kept insisting that the condom he prepared was for me. How can you blame me? His attitude towards sex would easily make me jealous. I was always suspecting that he was having sex with someone else. I always thought that a relationship which started out with a hot, sexual encounter could never turn into a serious relationship.

But of course I was wrong. He was right all along.

'You should have believed me.'
'I believe you now.'
'So what brings you here?'
'I- uhm..'
'I know.'
'You always do that when you have a problem.'
'DO what?'
'Mumble like a teenager in the principal's office.'

The truth is I really couldn't tell him. What should I tell him? That I've replaced him with some sick bastard who is more horny than I thought? Who was always left with a lack of fucking someone since he is the bottom in our relationship?

'What's his name?'
'And what's the problem with Ronnie.'
'I caught him fucking someone in the bathroom... again.'
'So you're now bottom?'
'No silly. He is. But he fucks someone else because I don't wanna be fucked.'
'Then maybe you should give in?'
'I don't think so.'
'Are you leaving him?'

That was a difficult question to answer. I always thought I never really tried to make the relationship work when I was with Jason. All the paranoia -- I just didn't trust him enough. So I thought in my next relationship, I ought to try harder.

'And you did.'
'Maybe not.'
'Sometimes, you have to know when to stop trying.'

I felt tears on my cheeks. I just suddenly remembered how we were. How happy I was and how miserable I am right now. I never should have let him go, I know that.

'Is it too late to try to ask for your forgiveness, Jason?'

He smiled. He stood up and got me a photo. It was then when I realized what I had to do.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

From Condoms to Roses 2

Although our usual everyday sexual encounters were reduced to a once-a-week affair, he was still incomparable. There was so much passion, much more than any of the other guys I’ve been in bed with. So it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Still, I was wondering why his testosterone level began to dip and he started being sweet and cuddly. I smell a break-up waiting to happen.

‘What’s up with you?’ I asked while we were having dinner.
‘What’s up with me?’
‘Yeah, so? What do you mean?’
‘I dunno. I just noticed we’re... just..’
‘Not having too much sex?’
‘Yeah. Sorry, I just want to know.’
‘Nothing.’ He wiped his mouth with the napkin. ‘I just thought we should start changing the way things are around these parts.’
‘Okay, you mean you want to break-up?’
‘Hey, no one is talking about breaking up.’
‘So which part did you say needs to be changed?’
‘You’ll see.’

I started being paranoid since we had that conversation. There were times when I’d worry if I don’t see him in bed when he’s supposed to be sleeping with me. I’d think something’s up when he kisses me when he leaves. I’d notice how much he says ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ like he’s bidding goodbye. I’d wonder why he’s always hugging me and saying ‘Thank you’ when I cook the simplest dinner in the world. I’d frown at every time he sings songs to me.

My friends think that I am overreacting. I think I’m just being cautious. I could never believe that a relationship that started with an SEB (Sex-Eye-Ball) can turn into what is happening to us. My paranoia was my heart’s cautious response so as not to hurt itself in case he decides to break loose.

One time, I was drunk from a partying, I arrived at the apartment surprised as I saw him and another guy on the couch at 2AM. I went berserk and started asking who he was. He tried to explain that he was just a friend who dropped by. He asked him to leave. I was ready to raise hell.

‘Who the fuck would visit a fucking friend at 2 in the fucking morning?’
‘Stop it. Stop cursing.’ He never uses cuss words.
‘I am going to say FUCK whenever I want to ‘coz you’re fucking screwing with me.’
‘Maybe if we talk tomorrow when you’re sober, you’ll understand.’
‘Maybe if I didn’t arrive sooner you two would’ve fucked in our apartment.’

I was going psycho and I didn’t even know why. I didn’t catch them doing anything. They were ‘just talking’. My friends were pretty dubious but even though I’ve doubted his loyalty since we had our first date, he never did anything to confirm those doubts... until now.

The next day, I pissed him off when I didn’t talk to him at all. He prepared breakfast for the two of us but I didn’t touch any of it. I stormed out of the apartment after taking a quick bath and went malling. When I came back, we had the chance to talk and he assured me he was just a friend. I didn’t believe him. But for the sake of putting the issue to rest, I lied and said I did.

He was ecstatic. He kept thanking me for believing in him. He started kissing me on my neck and saying sweet things but I just rolled my eyes, trying to contain myself. It’s overly dramatic but I wanted to cry. I wanted to break up with him and save myself from this drama. But he began his romantic ways and started kissing me. We haven’t had sex since our big fight. He pulled my shirt off and I pulled his. This is great! Make-up sex is the best in the world. He began kissing me more passionately, going from my lips to my jaws, my neck. I acted like a man who didn’t care at all.

I kept rolling my eyes like I still didn’t care but he was like a force I couldn’t repel. With every kiss, I began to grow weaker and weaker. As he mumbled the words ‘I’m sorry’ I couldn’t believe I responded with ‘I forgive you’. SUCH A CLICHE! We were both half-naked by the time he reached my nipples. I had the most amazing sensation around my right nipple, something I’ve never felt before. He was licking it like he’s never licked one before. I moaned in excitement and he just kept going and going.

He took off my shorts and underwear. I was watching in awe as he did the most amazing deepthroat I’ve had in a long time. I knew this was going to be good. I stopped him, being careful not to cum too soon. I pulled him so he could kneel in front of my face. I unzipped his pants and took out his dick. What a waste, I always say. He’s probably one of the many beautiful bottoms with a dick bigger than their top and yet they prefer not to use it.

I focused on the tip as I was lying down with his hard dick on my face. I moved to a more stable position. I ate more of his hard meat. He moaned and kept mumbling something. I couldn’t understand what he was saying. I focused on what I had, what we both had, what we were both in. And I remembered the very first reason why we got together.

I got pretty excited. I slapped his butt a few times. I caressed both cheeks , squeezed them hard when suddenly... I felt a little poke on his left cheek. I stopped sucking him.

‘What? Why’d you stop?’

I didn’t answer. I leaned forward my face touched his dick and reached for his back pocket. I pulled the thing out and was surprised to find out it was a condom. I stared at the mint-flavoured Durex rubber and my mind was saying, ‘You’re the top and he’s always been a bottom. You always keep your condoms in your drawer.’

‘It’s for you.’ He said. His voice was a bit shaky I thought.

I just stared at the thing. I sat on the couch and grabbed my shirt. He said, ‘It’s what you think it is.’

And all I could say was, ‘I need to go for a walk.’

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

From Condoms to Roses

I once had a fling who was an extremely horny guy. He begged me for to have sex with him all the time, in the strangest places, and the most dangerous ones too. The first time we did it was in a restroom in the Metro. We were both in the one and only cubicle inside. He was on the toilet bowl while I stood in front of him, careful not to moan while he sucked the energy out of me.

He sucked really well. I could tell he was really horny that day. For a minute I thought he was on drugs. I didn’t think someone clean and sober can be that good in giving a blowjob. It was the first time we met but not the last time we did it in a public place.

He became a regular fuck buddy. I’ve never had so much fun in my life. For one, I was very flattered. Every time we’d have sex, he would beg for my body, as if I am something he really wanted all his life. And after we do it, he would thank me for making him happy. He would give me a smile, seduce me, and ask if I could do another round. I never resisted. I simply couldn’t.

We didn’t officially define our relationship. We did, however, try to resolve the issue of finding us a place to fuck by sharing an apartment – a decision we both made since we also needed a place to stay. He came from the province and was then kicked out of his aunt’s house. I was then reaching the end of my contract with my landlady.

He was not a romantic guy. We never acted like we were couples. But in bed, we were a great match. I fucked him in every corner of our apartment – the living room, bathroom, kitchen, on the dining table, the veranda, fire exit, and of course, in our bedroom. I finally accepted the fact that some people might not be compatible as a couple but they can be great partners in bed.

On the third month, I noticed something changed in him. He was not as horny as he used to be. He never brought someone home (and the security’s guest list has verified this.) I first thought he might have found a better top but then it was pretty hard to imagine since we were always together. In fact, we even got closer than ever. He spent more time with me.

Then I thought, is he trying to turn this into an actual relationship? Is it possible for a sexual encounter to turn into a serious relationship?

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Ang Lihim ni Antonio - attacks itself?

There are so many good reasons why one should watch Ang Lihim ni Antonio (Antonio's Secret). Firstly, it's from the makers of Ang Lalaki sa Parola, which is one of the best pink films I've seen so far. The trailer is also very inviting, enticing its audience to take a peek into the secret life of the protagonist. Most importantly, as a gay man, we all had secrets just like Antonio, which might have led to our choice of sexuality and lifestyle.


Overall, the movie was good. Not great. I know a lot of people would disagree with me but I have a few reasons not to like it as much as I liked, say, Roxxxanne or Ang Lalaki sa Parola.

For one, I thought the movie was too preachy. There were lectures from Antonio's mom about the country's law on Male Rape/Abuse. While it is a good thing to inform the audience of the law's existence, the way it was shown in the film was, well, too preachy, like it was Hilary Clinton telling us that this law does exist.

I also suspect that the movie might have gotten its funds from the Marikina government. What's up with the multiple scenes showing [more like promoting] the city's bicycle lanes, the Riverbanks, etc? I remember a few years ago, Manila under Mayor Lito Atienza sponsored the Manila Film Festival entries in exchange of boosting the city's tourism by featuring some of the tourist spots in their films. Did the same thing happen here?

While I admire what the Marikina government has done to its city, I don't know why the director had to shoot scenes showing the city's projects such as the bicycle lanes and the public restrooms.


The story was very good. I applaud the writer/s for coming up with such concept.

The execution, however was, well, not done in good taste. It doesn't leave room for imagination as it showed too much skin [and meat if I may add] .. at least in my opinion. Some of the sex scenes were unnecessary and the cock shots were, well, too pornographic than artistic.

I prefer the sex scene in Roxxxanne where Jay Aquitania was invited to have coffee and the next scene shows a cup of coffee moving while Jay was humping the old guy in bed. That's what I call creative.


There is nothing bad I can say about the actors in the movie. Sharmaine Buencamino was excellent as usual. Even Provoq member Josh Ivan Morales had a surprise performance portraying the role of the horny and good-for-nothing uncle who raped Antonio. Jiro Manio was such a comic relief. And ofcourse, Kenjie Garcia was the star of the movie. He acted without any degree of hesitation and shyness.


Many of the bloggers who've reviewed the movie said they didn't like the ennding. Same here. I think it would have been better if Uncle Jonbert was put in jail [instead of being killed in the end], therefore strenghtening the earlier premise that this film aims to educate people about the existence of the Male Rape/abuse law.

Also, the reporter scene is a recycled concept which should have fallen into the depths of oblivion.

Did you notice something when the attorney explained that 15-year-old Antonio is not going to jail because he is a minor? The scriptwriter should have been careful when he tried to deliver that message. If memory serves me right, the attorney said he's not going to jail and will JUST be placed under the care of the Department of Social and Welfare Services (DSWD). Nothing wrong with that but I felt that it could have been more effective if he said that the DSWD takes care of minors who were involved in crimes, instead of sending out a message that they're not going to hit the slammer just because they're young and stupid.

And there was a scene where Antonio's mother was explaining that any sexual involvement with a minor is considered rape under the constitution. While I do not know if this is accurate, how do you explain the use of a 15-year-old actor in a movie that involves a lot of sexual scenes, crotch-grabbing and male-to-male kissing? Is the movie attacking itself in the process? While it was purely acting, how do you think does a 15-year-old actor think of himself now after the scenes that he's done?

I guess the question is how old is Kenjie Garcia?


Despite its flaws, I still recommend that you watch Ang Lihim ni Antonio simply because I know that some time in the past, we all had similar experiences. We were all abused and used at one time. It's a good way to reflect and remind us of how much we've changed since it happened.

Related post: The Awful Truth