Don't waste time

A few years back, I met a guy named Victor who was 40+ when we met – or so he claimed. He definitely looked his age and some people might even say he might be even older. He asked me out one day. ‘Just for a cup of coffee.’ He said. After several text messages, I agreed to meet with him only on one condition: we can’t go to a coffee shop within the city. I was afraid that someone from the family or maybe my friends would see me wit h an older guy and start suspecting that I’m selling sex as a sideline.

‘Don’t worry, I know where to bring you.’

He picked me up at around 1 am. A black midsize sedan parked in front of the waiting shed. He rolled down the windows and there was a man who looked three decades older than I am. I was afraid to jump in but he gave me a cute smile. I realized he maybe a crouching tiger, hidden dragon.

‘So where are we going?’

‘Somewhere far. Where we can have coffee.’

‘There’s something I forgot to tell you.’

‘What?’

‘I’m not a coffee drinker. I’m actually a tea fanatic.’

‘Well, I’m sure Starbucks Tagaytay also has tea.’

He told me more about him on our way to Tagaytay. We started with the usual: who else knows? When did you find out? Do you have a boyfriend? When did you last have sex? Who did you do it with?

‘Your generation is very lucky.’

‘Really now?’

‘During our time, we have to be extremely discreet.’ He paused for a while as if he was trying to remember the treacherous past he once experienced. His eyes showed how deprived he was and how much difficulty he’s experiencing while trying to catch up with whatever he has missed.

‘It’s good that you started early. You’re very young and pretty. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful life ahead of you.’

‘I’m not too sure about that.’

‘Trust me. At least you don’t have to deal with bigots in the house.’

‘Oh they might not be bigots but they’re very difficult to be with.’

‘Society is very open right now. These days, to get a hook-up you can just log on and fuck.’

‘Well, you need to take a bath and get dressed before you take them off and fuck.’

‘But you see, it’s easier for you guys. It was very different for us. For me.’

Hook-ups are usually fun and exciting and hot. This one was pretty different. Our conversation was very engaging but was a very sad one. I decided to stop it right there and pretended to be sleepy. On our way back, I just slept. I was waiting for him to take advantage of me but he never did. I was glad I didn’t have to pull off an act to get rid of him.

Every time I get depressed about not having a partner or about putting on some weight, I always remember Victor and his sad stories. I always remember how difficult it might have been for him and his generation of gays and think of how fortunate I am. I always tell myself not to waste an opportunity to meet more people and not waste time – for gay life is fabulous whether you’re discreet, out and about or still in the closet.

I wanted a Job

It was a gloomy Monday morning. Usually, I'd start my day by checking my mails while eating oatmeal for breakfast. I check my blog, reply to comments, read the online version of the Chronicle, check emails, visit Corbin Fisher, chat at guys4men, jack off with Antonio Sabato Jr.'s picture in front of me. This is my typical day. But today is slightly different.

I was running late for a job interview. I saw an ad on the paper last Sunday and I sent my resume immediately. The next morning, I received a text invite for an initial interview and a short examination. The building was a 15 minutes away from me if you were to travel at 2 in the morning. But it was almost 11 o'clock and the skies are showing signs of a storm coming soon. Traffic was already building up. I'm already late.

When I got to the building, I chewed on some mint and wiped my face with my hanky. The company is just starting up their business in the country so they were just renting an executive room. Room 29 was the last room in that hallway and it was probably the most quiet one too. I was expecting a lot of applicants waiting for their name to be called but instead, it was just me and this gorgeous, 5 foot 7 guy who introduced himself as Bruce.

Bruce is such a sexy name.

He was handsome and obviously gay. At first I thought he was a bit aloof but he started smiling and I felt more comfortable talking to him. I took an online exam for about an hour or so. Then, I waited outside for the results.

'Okay, you can come in now.' He was holding my resume while giving me a sexy smile.

'Sure'

'Tell me more about you.'

'I'm 24 years old. I am a writer for the Chronicle..'

'I know. I've read some of your articles. I like the one where you worked as a waiter at Friday's. That was hilarious.'

'Oh yeah? Wow. I can't believe people still read the newspaper.'

'I do.'

In my mind I thought I scored a point. But we weren't even done with the first part of my resume.

'So are you single or married.'

'Does it matter?'

'Maybe. The job is very demanding and we would want to avoid interfering with some of the applicants' chores.' He laughed. I didn't quite get the joke. Actually I wasn't paying attention. I was nervous and at the same time mesmerized by his dazzling eyes. I noticed that his biceps were huge too.

'Uhm--okay. Single.'

'Good.'

'Great.'

'Do you find me attractive?'

'Excuse me?'

'Top or bottom?'

'Uh.... I'm sorry Bruce I...'

Before I could finish, he got up, went for the door and locked it. I got up, shocked by what's just happened and what's about to happen in about a few seconds.

'You didn't answer the question.'

There was a moment of silence. I was still surprised by the way this conversation shifted from a serious job interview to a hot and steamy dirty talk and possibly one hot sex.

'I-I..'

He took off his jacket and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, as if giving me time to think if I wanted it or not. Outside, the heavy rain started to pour and it got even colder inside his fabulous office. I decided if it were a gay movie, this would be the perfect setting for steamy session.

'I'm TOP.'

He ran towards me and kissed me. I grabbed his ass while he continues taking off his shirt. I pushed him to the leather sofa and asked him to bend over. He loosened his belt and took off his pants while I grabbed my wallet for my condom.

'Shit!' I remember I just used the last one last week and haven't bought another since. Bruce noticed and pulled his condom from his pocket.

'Later.'

He went for my crotch, held it tight while I moan in excitement. He unbuttoned my pants while I removed my socks. We kissed. Stopped. Kissed some more. He licked my earlobes and slowly went down on me.

He sure knows how to give someone a blowjob. Despite his obvious struggle of putting my entire meat in his sweet mouth, he managed to still play with his tongue while his lips were busy wrapping the shaft. He dove and went up. Dove and went up. At one point he concentrated on my head, as if fascinated by it, kissed it and gave me the best deep throat I've ever received so far. His tongue moved like a wild reptile trying to break loose. I moan more loudly while feeling every muscle on his biceps. I tried to find his nipples. After several attempts and the distracting sensation brought about by his talent in sucking my cock, i found the tip of his nipple and carressed it. I can tell he liked it.

I fucked him in different positions until all he could tell me is:

'I hope the my Boss hires you so we can fuck all night and day.'

'Do you get yourself fucked by all applicants?'

He giggled. 'For the record, I'm not a slut. I just find you cute and noticed your bulge. You made me hard the first minute you walked into our office.'

'Well, you're cute too.'

'Oh yeah. Great. Uhm.. what did you say your name was again?'

It was right then when I realized I will never get a job here. All I will probably get here is anot her experience in hunting for the best job in town and getting the best blow job instead of a real job.

Caught ONLINE pt. 2

I don’t know if it was the movie ‘The Craft’ or probably the defunct series ‘Charmed’ that nurtured my interest in New Age literature. I’ve heard of stories about real witches and wiccans (male witches) but never really found out if they were true. My curiosity about their practices led me to the New Age section of the bookstore. A local book was on the shelf and it says ‘Modern Spells and Meditation Guides’. Chapter 5 was about how to surround yourself with an invisible light which will attract others. I bought the book in a New York minute.

I tried Chapter 5 a few days after researching. The book was in pure Filipino and I had trouble translating it to English. For example, there are different shades of Pink but the specific shade the book asked for was something I’ve never heard of. I went to the store to buy all the candles plus a newspaper in order to complete the ‘ingredients’ of the spell.

In my room, I lit the candles around the newspaper and lied down while deeply concentrating and thinking about a glowing light surrounding me. Nothing happened. I tried again and this time I imagined that the light was blinding. I didn’t feel anything. Instead, I was surprised to see my mom barge in and asked what I was doing.

‘What the fuck are you doing you? You trying to be Satan’s follower or something?’

I think the spell didn’t work. I didn’t meet anyone that week. All I got were rashes on my elbows. At first, I thought they were just mosquito bites and were not serious until they started appearing like huge islands on the world map. Worried, I rushed to my dermatologist, who prescribed an anti-allergy plus a few other medications which were only available through her clinic.

‘Contact Dermatitis.’ I was relieved to know that there was a medical explanation for the rashes. Before I went to the doctor, I was convinced that the I didn’t get the correct translation of one of the Filipino colours which resulted to this ugly result.

I was convinced that I should try it again. I went online and was happy to find a wiccan—a gay wiccan looking for other wiccans online. I told him I was interested in Witchcraft and that I failed in my first spell.

‘It was probably the candles.’

‘I thought so too.’

‘Or probably the newspaper. You see, the fold has to be exactly as described in the book.’

‘Uh-huh. I thought I did everything right.’

‘Oh forget about it. You’ll have more luck with your second one.’

But I wasn’t willing to have a second spell. I was afraid that the rashes would appear elsewhere.

(to be continued)

Caught ONLINE pt. 1

I believe that every gay guy reaches a stage when he has realized he is a homosexual but is not ready to come out just yet. This is a little beyond the denial phase. I’d like to call is the Stage of Pretense as we pretend to be straight for many reasons: 1. We don’t want our friends/family/society in general to change the way they look at us; 2. We feel we may still bounce back to a state of testosterone surplus; and 3. We are just afraid of not being accepted.

Acceptance is very important for the early stages of gay life. The search for acceptance is the start of the long and tiring wait of walking down the street without being teased, holding hands with a partner without hesitating, admitting you’re gay without being fired or demoted. Yes, although we live in a society so open about such ideals as seen in movies and books, these things still occur. And it pains a gay guy to think that we can’t do anything to avoid it.

***

It wasn’t long before I realized that Joel is probably one of the most famous students in the College of Journalism. He had a pretty face which landed on several TV and newspaper ads. He’s a member of one of the biggest organizations in the campus. Moreover, he has a strong personality which reminds you of Paris Hilton—she’s like the bitch you love to hate.

And I did hate his guts. For one, we would both end up on opposite sides of a debate. He loves to slam other people’s ideas and inject his stupid remarks without thinking of how idiotic it may sound. He was annoying. And although I always fall for an annoying, cute bastard, he certainly didn’t tickle my fancy even for just a moment.

I was still in the Stage of Pretense. I was sexually awake and active in online hook-ups. I became addicted. But of course, I was careful not to reveal my identity. If it would have to come to a point that I will do a one-way (check out the guy and leave without him seeing me) I would just to protect myself. I’ve had several experiences in the past wherein I accidentally meet schoolmates, neighbors, church mates online. Hence, the policy was SEND UR PIC, get mine.

Classes were suspended and the boredom struck me hard in my boarding house. I decided to spice up my afternoon with another hook-up. I found a few guys who were interesting but nobody could carry a conversation better than hotBimale23. I asked for his picture and he sent it immediately. When it was my turn to send mine, I hesitated. I know a lot of guys from school chat on the same site. I might be in big trouble. Still, his willingness to send the pic made me decide I should do the same. There was no hook-up though.

***

The next day, my friend Gina approached me. She told me about the latest rumor circulating.

‘You should be aware..’

‘I don’t see any reason why I should be.’

‘You should because it’s about you.’

‘Me?’

‘Joel just told me you’re gay. He said he has proof and he will show it to everyone. Of course, I just laughed it off and told him you’re not but he just kept saying he proved it last night.’

There was certainly some degree of curiosity in her statement. She was waiting for me to confirm or deny it but was unsure of how she will tell me. I shrugged and smiled. Weeks after this incident, I was forced to come out to Gina.

The VITO Experience pt. 1

If there was something I feared about going to college, it’s enlisting in the Army Reserve Training. The fear of being teased the straight men is inevitable. I never looked forward to the dreadful Sunday mornings led by a man we call the ‘Tiger’. My first day was generally okay. I did 5 push-ups and stood under the scorching heat of the sun for 8 hours. One thing I liked about it is that I had the chance to choose the hottest freshmen and sophomore in the whole university.

We didn’t have a huge field to conduct the weekly trainings. We were asked to train at the Army’s base which is almost two hours away from the campus. There I met Vito, a non-commissioned officer and a sophomore who was then taking up Physical Therapy.

I didn’t really know the job description of NCOs. What I noticed is that they don’t join the battalion. They gather us into formation and scream their lungs out to embarrass the freshmen standing right next to me. One time, we were giggling because a fellow cadet couldn’t hit the target at the shooting range, an NCO named Jared was about an inch close to his face and was asking what the fuck his problem was.

I thought it was pretty hot. Jared is undeniably cute and being that close to him makes me want to giggle some more. He spoke in straight and flawless English which is such a turn-on.

No matter how hot and sexy Jared looked, I only had a crush on him for a week. I realized later on that he was dating the rich, smart and popular student council Councilor Amy from the College of Sciences. He was definitely straight. Me no likey.

So I turned my attention to the gorgeous Vito. He was one of the most popular students at the College of Allied Medicine. Yes, he does have a gorgeous face but that wasn’t why people loved him. The guy’s got a great sense of humour and drives one of the coolest cars too. He also writes for the same major daily.

I don’t remember how our first conversation happened. I do, however, remember the time when I didn’t visit the headquarters for the signing of the logbook. It was when I was told that we’ll be training at the football field so we have to bring lots of Gatorade or water.

It was about 4: 30 AM when I arrived. The formation is in 30 minutes and I didn’t see a single cadet hanging around the stage and the bleachers. I was literally the only one in the field. I went around and asked a few people who passed by. They were Flag Football players who will be training in an hour or so.

I was already walking towards the main gate when Vito’s car showed up. He looked at me and drove away. I was like, ‘Hell, he didn’t even want to talk to me.’ I sat on one of the bleachers and waited for him to drive back to the gate. He did come back, parked his car and finally talked to me.

‘Did you sign the log book this week?’

'No but I was told we’re going to train here. Did you?’

'Nah, I was only told of the same thing. Where the hell is everybody?’

Don’t mind about them. Let’s start talking about you and me, I said to myself. The Army Reserve uniform fits him well. Although he is not really buff and has some baby fat surrounding his pelvis, his sweet looking face has overshadowed my thirst for his flesh.

‘I think I better check on the other site. Maybe they’re still there.’
‘Okay, Will do that too.’

He jumped back into his car and I walked back to the gate. I couldn’t believe it. Don’t these straight guys have manners? He didn’t even bother to offer me a ride. As I was ready to get on the next cab, he yelled out for me to get in the car. I was elated.

‘Thanks man.’ I said. I didn’t want him to think I’m one of those guys who take advantage of free rides.

‘We should get there fast. If they’re already in formation then we’re dead.’

He was always serious about the Reserve Corps. Although he didn’t apply to be an officer, he did have a special position and task being an NCO.

I was right. The other guys were already in formation and the headcount was being checked by another NCO. We got off the car and ran to the formation area. The officers were having a meeting and I was glad they didn’t see us.

‘Thanks Acosta.’ That was his last name. Although that name is sounds a Spanish, he said he was French/Spanish/Chinese/Pakistani.

‘You’re welcome.’ He smiled at me.

***

I was surprised that day for two things. First, we didn’t get caught and I didn’t have to do 50 push-ups. Also, we didn’t really do anything that day. We just listened to a battalion Commander teaching us how to assemble and disassemble a rifle. This was one rare opportunity to get to know the other cadets, most especially Vito.

‘Hey, I’m glad we didn’t get caught.’

‘Yeah.’

‘What course are you taking?’

‘Physical Therapy. Sophomore. You?’

‘Journalism.’ This is when I noticed his initials on his uniform.

‘Your last name sounds very familiar. Acosta. Sounds like the last name of the editor from the newspaper I write for.’

‘You write for the Chronicle?’

‘Yeah, why?’

‘I believe you’re talking about my Uncle. James Acosta. He recently released a book—a compilation of all the essays written for the Youth section.’

‘You’re his nephew?! That’s cool!’

This was the point when we were both getting comfortable and was enjoying the sight of his eyes and lips. He obviously doesn’t smoke.

‘Yes, but before you even say it, I don’t get published because of him.’

‘What? You also write for them?’

‘Lifestyle section. I write about online games and stuff. I have a review coming up. It’s for this CGI flick.’

‘That’s cool. You should tell me when I t comes out.’

‘This Thursday.’

We shared a few more stories about school and the newspaper. It turns out we are both freelance correspondents for the Youth and Lifestyle section. He told me a few tips on how to get more articles published.

We ended the day with a salute to the General of the Army Division based in that compound. It was the best training I attended. As we were about to say our goodbyes, I turned to Vito who was standing right next to me.

‘Hey dude, thanks again for the ride.’

‘Yeah, don’t forget. Thursday. There’s another one coming up..’

‘Yeah.’

‘And tell me what you think.’

‘Uhm, how?’

‘I’m sure I’ll see you in school.’

‘Yeah, I’m sure.’

But I wasn’t sure. His college was five blocks away from mine. I didn’t even know his schedule. I tried a few times to use my connection as a Student Assistant to find out what his schedule was. I went to his college, wishing we’d bump into each other. I’d tell him the article was great when I haven’t really read it. I’d talk some more and probably we can have lunch together. But it was impossible. This straight guy wouldn’t really spend that much time with a fellow cadet he just met last Sunday.

As I was holding his article at school, I was reading his name out loud. VITO ACOSTA. Very sexy. And he writes well. I looked forward to seeing him again and talking more not just about writing but about anything.

I didn’t see him for months. I moved to another battalion and he was moved somewhere else. It was on a wet Friday morning when I bumped into him at the Administration office.

‘Hey I know you.’ I said with a nervous voice.

‘I know you too. Musta?’

‘I’m cool. Haven’t seen you at the training lately.’

‘Yeah, they moved some of the NCOs to the office. I don’t go to the field anymore.’

‘Coolness. No wonder your skin’s fairer haha!’ What I really noticed is how cute he really was. His smile was glowing and his growing beard made him a little sexier than the last time I saw him.

I was ready to say goodbye when he stopped me.

‘You never really told me what you thought about it.’

‘Huh? About what?’

‘The article… Final Fantasy?’ I was surprised he remembered.

‘Oh.. right. It was great.’ Emphasis on GREAT. ‘ I loved it.’

‘Glad you did. I have another one this week. Don’t miss it.’

‘Yeah. Hey see you around!’

‘Yeah.’

And I had a great feeling that I really am going to see more of him.

And I did.

Attempt #2 pt. 3: Post Lesbian Talks

The next day, Jona and I decided to do a little shopping. She broke the news about what happened the other night. The part about her being drunk didn’t surprise me at all. Her being a lesbian? I suspected that from the first minute she walked into the room. I guess the reason why Jona is making a big deal about it was the fact that the whole class was introduced to each and every member of her happy family. She’s happily married to another journalist. Nobody had a clue.

The part she cannot get over with is when Professor Daria couldn’t stop talking about me and my supposed relationship with Jona.

‘It’s like she knew there’s something going on between us but we’re hiding it or something.’

‘That’s funny.’

‘I know. Wanna hear more?’

‘Yeah?’

‘She was—like—convincing me to—like—stay away from you because…’

‘..because?’

‘..because she said you’re gay.’

‘Huh? Why did I get involved in the first place.’

‘I don’t know, that’s what she kept telling me. You’re gay and that you’re just sort of using me to prove others you’re not.’

‘Do you believe her?’

'She wondered for five seconds. She smiled and told me she didn’t. She said she knew me very well and that she thinks I’m not gay.

‘But it’s definitely a possibility.’

‘Excuse me?’

At this point we were ready to get off the train. There were all sorts of noises surrounding us. Her statements were definitely part of the whole big mess. I was getting irritated. I certainly know I am but I hate it when people keep rubbing in it like it’s supposed to be a big deal.

‘Come on now… I still would respect you.’

I tried to stop her right there. I was already looking exasperated and she might think I’m guilty. I smiled at her and said, ‘No. I’m not. Period.’

**

FAST FORWARD 2007.

Jona and I havent’t talked in ages. When I saw that she’s online I IM’d her. I asked her how she’s doing. She’s not a pilates instructor for a well-known gym. I asked if she can give me tips on how to lose weight. She gave me a few tips. We ended up discussing her cursed lovelife.

‘Is there something wrong with me? If I don’t fall for an asshole, I fall for gay guys.’

‘Uh-huh…’

‘My heart is so fucked up. There’s this hot guy at the gym and he kept looking at me. But no! He was looking at my freaking shirt. He said he liked it and asked where I bought it.’

‘Well, that’s a good way to start a conversation.’

‘Yeah, if it’s an ordinary shirt. You know what’s on mine? I KISS BOYS.’

‘Hahahahahaha!’ I was tempted to ask her where she bought it but I decided this ain’t about me. At least not today.

‘Quit laughing , okay? It’s not funny.’

‘Well, if you said he’s cute and all why can you not just give him to…’

‘Give him to who?'

‘A GAY GUY dammit.’

‘Like who? Shit. I hate giving away my fish..especially to a gay guy. Oh if you were gay I would haha!’

Wow. This was certainly an opportunity. We shared the photo online and yes, the guy’s a hunk! Definitely hotter than the sun.

‘Then why don’t you give him to me? Hahaha!’

‘Shut up.. you’re NOT gay.’

‘Jona, I AM.’

‘Shut up… ARE you?!’

‘Yes.’

‘Kai, you’re not okay? I know you. I know you VERY well. Sure you were confused at one point but I know you’re not.’

TOINK.

As I logged off, I smiled. I imagine our college days then I whispered, ‘Jona, you have no idea.’

Attempt # 2: pt. 2

Little did I know that there was a reason why Prof. Dora wanted me to come out and reveal my secret. My friend Jona was apparently the reason behind it. It happened one night when she got ridiculously drunk that she called Jona and asked if she can come over in the middle of the night. Of course, she didn't refuse. Neither did her parents. They all know her very well and the fact that she was calling in the middle of the night didn't bother them at all.

When she arrived, she was brought by her driver upstairs. She was able to climb the stairs but her speech was not at all clear. She definitely had a lot of beer. The conversation started with why she got drunk, went to politics, school activities, school politics. When they ran out of things to talk about, she just asked her a random question:

'Some people think I'm lesbian. Tell me Jona. Do you think I'm lesbian?'

'No, Ma'am. I just think you're a strong woman and that you're misunderstood.'

'Jona, Jona iha ... I AM.' She dropped her jaws in shock. This is a woman we all respect and she just came out in front of me.

The question is... why HER?

The next question was more bothering than the first.

'So tell me, Jona. Are you and Kai dating?'

'No, ma'am. We've been together since high school. We're just very good friends.'

'A lot of people seem to think he's hitting on you. I just laugh about it.'

'Huh?'

'Clearly the guy is gay.' She laughed hysterically.

'I think not. He's just a.. well.. a kid. He won't grow up so everybody seems to think he's gay. Just because he doesn't have a girlfriend, it doesn't mean...'

'Whatever... HE IS, Jona. Believe it .'

Keeping Secrets: Attempt #2 pt. 1

You can't keep secrets from Professor Daria. She once claimed that she's a clairvoyant, who specializes in palm reading and gems. One time, to get some extra points for her Journalism class, I attended one of her seminars where she tried to remove the negative energy of one guest through a pendulum -- with a purple colored crystal a nd a basin of water to cleanse the body of the subject.

It wasn't easy dealing with Prof. Daria. She was always looking at me like she knows my secret and she wants me to let other people know. She once told the class that she asked the previous batch to go around the campus and grab any piece of rock that appeals to them. When they got back, she talked to each student and explained why they chose the stones. Apparently, you choose them because the stones have something to do with your life.

'It works!' A student said. He said all his secrets were revealed by Prof. Daria.

I wanted to see if the whole thing was just a big joke. So one time, we went out and got drunk with her. We all asked her to read our palms. She told one student to back off because his black shirt is 'blocking my energy asshole'. Yes, she does use this language. When it was my turn, she said I'm keeping a lot of secrets. She wanted it to come out of my mouth. She gave me that ugly stare and she looked away. 'When you're ready..'

i Dared to be OUT: Attempt #1

I was ready to accept the fact that I am gay. I know what I want and I know now how to get it. The problem is, how are my friends going to react? In high school, most mothers dreamed of having their daughters marry me. Who can blame them? To them, I am the intelligent, talented, witty guy who's the best in the whole class.

It doesn't surprise me that I became a part of a group of friends run by mostly ladies. By mostly, I mean I am the ONLY biological male in the group. They all thought I was straight, and they just kept asking me if I had a girlfriend. To a heavily closeted gay, I would have said 'Hell, I've got hundreds of 'em". But I knew better than to brag about something that ain't true. So I smiled, looked away , and changed the topic just like I usually do.

I was planning on telling them but choosing the right timing was becomin increasingly difficult. One time, Mary Jane and I were in her car. She kept telling me how disappointed she is about his new boy toy.

'He wouldn't make a single move! '

'Maybe you're just too--out there. You need to wait for him to come to you.'

'But when?'

At this point, I already made a conclusion. Mary Jane is no doubt one of the hottest creatures in the college. Not making a move on her means only one thing--Ty is GAY.

'I think he's gay.' There. She said it herself.

'Wel, maybe you need to find out.'

And she did try to find out. She was so into him that she could not wait for her to know the real score.
The truth is, I do know that Ty is gay. It takes one to know one. He's vain; he's into fashion; he cares more about his hair than sports; and he never made a move on Mary Jane for almost three years now.

I wanted to tell her myself but she was too consumed by Ty's sex appeal that I thought my revelation wouldn ' t even matter to her. Ty was obviously cute. Any guy or girl would want to be with the hot ass.

One day, I decided to put her out of her misery and tell her the truth. It's like hitting two birds with one stone: I'll be out and she can get the confirmation she wants about Ty's sexuality. But as I was about to let the cat out of the bag, I made one dumb mistake.

After she had a brief retouch, a noticed that she was wearing a cute dress. But instead of complimenting the dress, I decided to compliment her legs. They were lean and smooth, just like how I would want mine to be like.

'Wow, you really have nice legs, Mary Jane!' Then the inevitable happened:

' Ugh. You really ARE straight! I knew it!'

'Huh? Err--what did I do?

'Well, you noticed my LEGS. You know what? This morning I had breakfast with Ty and the first thing he told me is that he likes my shoes! What kind of straight guy would tell you that!'

I didn't know what the fuck I had to say to shut her up.

High School Struggles

They say high school is the best time in a man's life. They didn't specify, though, if the 'man' they were talking about is straight or gay. Mine wasn't as exciting as the others. I actually thought I missed a lot. There were fun times and sad times but of course, the most important thing about high school is that I was growing up. I was in that stage of my life where I had to make the difficult decision: to be or not to be gay.

Was there a choice to begin with?

I had two best friends in high school. One guy and one girl. I can't tell which one of them is the closest to me. All I can say is, when I'm with a man, I'm a lot happier. I guess I answered my own question.

Edgardo isn't very tall. He's shorter than me, dark-skinned but he has this sexy attitude that make girls in the campus go gaga over him. He's undeniably well-off which, in high school, is not only a chick magnet but also a big cool group magnet. He was always the guy who knew how to rollerskate, who had a cellphone, who dressed like a millionnaire, who was linked to the hottest chick.

I never told him I was confused about my sexuality. So he was very open about his sex life. He kept sharing his fantasies which for him is like releasing without the sex. As for me, I was falling into the trap wherein the gay guy starts to like the his straight best friend.

One day after choir practice, he shared his wet dreams with me. Geez his stories definitely gave me a hard on. While at the patio he blurted out some stupid idea:

Edgardo: Hey, can you tell me how big is your dick?
Kai: Huh? Why should I?
Edgardo: I just wanna see who has the bigger one. Come on, we're best friends?
Kai: uh... Gee Ed, I don't know.
Edgardo: Okay, we have to make it harder first. THink of something sexy.

In my mind, I was thinking of him naked and touching himself. He was thinking of Sarah, the girl who was being linked to me.

Edgardo. I'm ready.
Kai: Okay.
Edgardo: But before we do this, can you keep a secret?
Kai: Sure, what is it?
Edgardo: I have a mole on my dick.
Kai: A mole? Like a mole?
Edgardo. Yeah... (he opens his zipper and pulls his dick out). Here.

I was shocked. To me, a mole on someone's dick was something unusual since I didn't have one. Neither did the cousin who molested me years ago.

Me: Wow.
Edgardo: Your turn.

I pulled out my dick. It was as red as a man who's been slapped a hundred times. This is definitely turning me on...big time.

Edgardo: Jesus! That's huge!
Me: Told you so.
Edgardo: Check out the size of this! (Edgardo holds my dick by the shaft and examines it.)

I was careful not to pull my dick in excitement. He held my dick for a few seconds, amazed at how smaller the size of his tool was.

'Fucking son of a bitch that's one helluva gun, Kai'

'Yeah and your mole's hot.'

'Huh?'

'I mean, shot. Like was that shot by something? Did it bleed and turn into a mole?'