Don't waste time

A few years back, I met a guy named Victor who was 40+ when we met – or so he claimed. He definitely looked his age and some people might even say he might be even older. He asked me out one day. ‘Just for a cup of coffee.’ He said. After several text messages, I agreed to meet with him only on one condition: we can’t go to a coffee shop within the city. I was afraid that someone from the family or maybe my friends would see me wit h an older guy and start suspecting that I’m selling sex as a sideline.

‘Don’t worry, I know where to bring you.’

He picked me up at around 1 am. A black midsize sedan parked in front of the waiting shed. He rolled down the windows and there was a man who looked three decades older than I am. I was afraid to jump in but he gave me a cute smile. I realized he maybe a crouching tiger, hidden dragon.

‘So where are we going?’

‘Somewhere far. Where we can have coffee.’

‘There’s something I forgot to tell you.’

‘What?’

‘I’m not a coffee drinker. I’m actually a tea fanatic.’

‘Well, I’m sure Starbucks Tagaytay also has tea.’

He told me more about him on our way to Tagaytay. We started with the usual: who else knows? When did you find out? Do you have a boyfriend? When did you last have sex? Who did you do it with?

‘Your generation is very lucky.’

‘Really now?’

‘During our time, we have to be extremely discreet.’ He paused for a while as if he was trying to remember the treacherous past he once experienced. His eyes showed how deprived he was and how much difficulty he’s experiencing while trying to catch up with whatever he has missed.

‘It’s good that you started early. You’re very young and pretty. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful life ahead of you.’

‘I’m not too sure about that.’

‘Trust me. At least you don’t have to deal with bigots in the house.’

‘Oh they might not be bigots but they’re very difficult to be with.’

‘Society is very open right now. These days, to get a hook-up you can just log on and fuck.’

‘Well, you need to take a bath and get dressed before you take them off and fuck.’

‘But you see, it’s easier for you guys. It was very different for us. For me.’

Hook-ups are usually fun and exciting and hot. This one was pretty different. Our conversation was very engaging but was a very sad one. I decided to stop it right there and pretended to be sleepy. On our way back, I just slept. I was waiting for him to take advantage of me but he never did. I was glad I didn’t have to pull off an act to get rid of him.

Every time I get depressed about not having a partner or about putting on some weight, I always remember Victor and his sad stories. I always remember how difficult it might have been for him and his generation of gays and think of how fortunate I am. I always tell myself not to waste an opportunity to meet more people and not waste time – for gay life is fabulous whether you’re discreet, out and about or still in the closet.