Monday, February 5, 2007

My First Love

As if the quarantine wasn't enough, the moderator issued a private warning to my mother. The document states that if hang out with my gay friends, get influenced by gay guys, or influence others to be gay, I will automatically be kicked out of the school.

How the hell would you know if a boy is gay or not? Nowadays, I'm still surprised to see a straight acting guy ask me to fuck him. It was the 90's back then. People were much more in the closet than today.


Marvin was a lanky guy. He was not gorgeous. He wasn't popular either. He was very quiet, cracks jokes once in a while. But he never initiates a conversation. People were already speculating I was gay so they are sort of avoiding me and talkign about me behind my back. Marvin did not. He treated me as his friend. I treated him the same way.

That year, we both got hooked on playing games on the Family Computer. (Guys my age would remember this. It was the Playstation of the early 90's.) After class, I would go to his house and play games with him. We never talk about the rumors about my sexuality. We were just having fun.

One day, I tried to take it to the next level. While playing with him, I sat very close to him. HE was leaning on me. I had the most exciting hard-on in my life. He started pushing me away because I was beating him in the game. Every push and pull made my dick grow bigger by the minute. The game was very arousing. Only I am the only one getting excited about it.

This went on for months. I can't believe I actually even convinced my mom that I can quit the school bus and manage to go home by myself. 'Marvin joins me everyday.'

Until one day, I was on my way home, he got on the same jeepney. He was with 2 other jocks in the class. Those jocks were the ones who consistently tease me about being gay. The jeepney was full of commuters. I was sitting there just accepting everything they were saying. Until Marvin defended me... or so I thought:

Boy 1: Yeah he's gay... fuck!
Boy2: I know! He pinched my butt and said I was cute..haha!
Marvin: Guys stop it. Kai's really nice...

I was relieved. However..

Marvin: .. the thing is he is still gay! (Laughed out loud)

It was the last time I would ever hear from him. I never talked to him at school. I would just hang out with another set of friends. I got linked to two more cute boys in the class but he was always on my mind. He said hi once but I ignored him. After than he completely ignored me.

A little more than 5 years later, I realized that I'm gay. The first thing I remembered was Marvin. I took my old class directory and called up the same number. His father took my call. He told me Marvin is in Canada and will probably not come back.

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